When should have have kids? How do u know when to start a family?

United States
January 18, 2010 9:45pm CST
My husband want to have kids asap! We have been married about 6 months. I'm 21, hes 22 and I'm just not ready. I do want kids but not right now and i'm not sure why. I just know in my heart its not the right time! He really wants them and talks about it a lot. I've told him how i feel but i'm not sure he gets it. I mean we have the money, the house everything would be fine except i'm not ready. Maybe i'm over thinking it or something idk... ANy suggestions? how do i tell i;m ready? Is it wrong to have babys when you feel its not time? I don't know what to do!
5 responses
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
hello Jennifer, I am not sure about your reason. It maybe more of emotional,since you have stated that you and your husband are financially capable of having a child. There must be something emotional that bothers you or...you had some fear that you are not ready to be a mother. Or,maybe you feared of a greater responsibility of being a mother. If your husband is opting to have a child,you can give it a try,if the responsibility bothering you...you can have some nanny for your kid. Besides,you will feel the mother instinct once you hold your child in your arms...i am sure all your fears and worries will fade away once you hear you child cry and...you will be happy and proud to be a mother once you felt the heartbeat of you baby inside your womb. I suggest that,having a child at an early age is much better. have a good day always dear
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 10
Thank you for your post. What your saying makes me feel much better. Money wise we are good. We have a nice house. I love kids. I want a large family. so you would think that it would be like duh have a baby but something inside me knows its not time. I like the life i have right now with my husband and I. We can buy anything and go anywhere... having a baby will change things for sure!
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
19 Jan 10
Jennifer, do not let your husband or anyone else pressure you into having a child when you feel that you're not ready. Feeling forced into motherhood can have a negative impact on your relationship with your child, especially since a new baby needs almost constant care. You need to be completely comfortable with the idea before going through with it. This will be your child and the relationship you have will last a lifetime. You could also end up resenting your husband if motherhood turns out to be too difficult for you emotionally. You and your husband are still young and you have plenty of time to start a family. Once you have started a family your lives will change...does your husband realize that? No more doing something on a moment's notice, everything will revolve around the baby.
• United States
19 Jan 10
I'm glad you get what i'm saying. Thank you sooo much for your comment on this! Thats what i'm afraid of happening. I dont want to do it just because he wants to i'm scared it will be a huge mistake.
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
19 Jan 10
One thing that you can do to help avoid this becoming a nonstop issue between you and your husband is to see if he will agree to drop it for now and discuss it again at the start of 2011. Spend this year enjoying your lives and then look at what you both want at the end of the year. That will take the stress off of both of you.
• United States
20 Jan 10
thats a really good idea that i will try! thank you for all your suggestions and help
@maximax8 (27048)
20 Jan 10
You are both in your early twenties so therefore there is plenty room for you have have a baby when the time is right. It is lovely that you have a house and money. That means when you do feel ready your baby will have a lovely life. You could say to your husband that you wish to wait until your mid twenties or late twenties before you have a baby. Sometimes pregnancy can be unplanned in which case a lady that isn't ready to be a mother can start getting ready. She could go shopping for baby stuff. You could tell your husband that you wish to concentrate on your career for now. Perhaps you could have your first baby when you are 26 years old and your second baby when you are 28 years old. Good luck.
• United States
20 Jan 10
Thank you for your kind words. I was thinking the same thing mid 20s. Like 24, 25, 26 so where in there. I do really want kids i'm just not ready yet. why rush?!?
@mlhuff12 (800)
• United States
19 Jan 10
You just got married. I've heard by many that once you start having kids you rarely have any time for yourselves no matter if you have money or not. I've got a cousin who has 3 kids. All very young. With work and the children they didn't have any time away from the kids. Everything is now about them, and their relationship was kind of put on the back burner. For their 9th anniversary they had went out for the day without the kids and had a blast. She had said that she forgot how much fun that they had together. I think you should wait a little bit and enjoy each other before it's too late. Take some trips. Do what you can now before you have a child. You both are still very young. It won't hurt to wait a year or 2. In fact it may be the smartest thing to do because who knows when the next time you will have free time and no worries while you are gone.
• United States
20 Jan 10
Well said. Thats what i think i dont want to have any regret and i want to make the right choice for me and my family!
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
19 Jan 10
I think it's one of those 'when you're ready, you'll know' kinda things. And I don't think you should ever have kids unless you feel that you're ready for them. At 21 and 22 you guys have your whole lives ahead of you, there's no need to rush things and get in a huge hurry, it's nice to be able to just enjoy being newlyweds and take advantage of this time while you can. I'm 26 and we just got married last year, I'm STILL not ready for kids and don't think I will be for a few years yet. My husband talks about it lots and in many ways he's ready but that's not reason enough for me. There's no way we're having kids until we're BOTH ready for them.
• United States
20 Jan 10
Thats exacty my thought... whats the rush! I mean i'm 21 for god sake! I want too enjoy my life a little, i want to enjoy my husband. I dont want kids yet. I believe when your ready you'll know. You'll be able to feel it.