Cause of breakup with boyfriend published in Facebook

Philippines
January 24, 2010 12:20am CST
I have a friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend(or should I say was left behind by her boyfriend). This may not be none of my business but since she published the breakup issue in Facebook, I came to know that her boyfriend has another girl who got pregnant. This friend of mine still loves the guy but she couldn't do anything to win him back for they are miles apart, the guy is in the Philippines while this friend of mine is in the United States. According to my friend's Facebook posts, she has to post all her heartaches for it somehow relieves her pain inside her heart. Further, according to her, "faceboooking is a therapy for me to relieve all my heartaches". I could feel how she feels but I don't know if it is proper for her to post everything in Facebook. What do you think?
6 people like this
40 responses
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
24 Jan 10
well it's hard to tell. I wouldn't post such details on facebook. There are things that should be kept behind closed doors or just for ourself. Maybe you friend of yours doesn't have any close friends to talk to so this could be one of the reason. A true friend is someone you can call anytime when you are distressed and need help. I have many friends on facebook but there's only a few of them to whom i can tell them anything i want.
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Problems like this should be kept private, I suppose. .. ...Maybe you are right in saying that she may have no close friends to share her problems. . ......... I know it is very hard for her to accept the fact that she was is all alone now.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Jan 10
lol I am sure that even celebreties don't want to share their personnal lives. The paparazzi follow them everywhere so their personnal things get exposed. They act all smiley but who knows when they get home. I think you should comfort your friend if you are close to her. Giving a phone call would be great. In moments like that, it's when we need help the most. I hope she will recover from her situatin soon.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
We are miles apart now and we only talk in the internet. I sometimes send her nice quotations related to what she going through right now. I just hope that it will relieve her somehow.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
24 Jan 10
I guess it's kind of up to the person but I wouldn't do it. I think that sometimes things should be left on a personal level. I am not the kind of person to share things like that with just anyone..much less the world. Some people are more open with their lives though and I don't suppose it's a bad thing but I wouldn't.
2 people like this
• India
24 Jan 10
hey sis,..i feel its still none of ur business. If it was you should have directly talked to your friend before talking to other people. we can nowhere discuss if what she has posted in facebook is proper or no unless she herself involves in this discussion. we should discuss about you or me not the third person.plzz.if she is your friend and you feel she is being cheated by some other guy plz go to your friend and talk to her about that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
AsI have said, it may not be my business but still I find it a good discussion to talk here. Besides, I never mentioned her name or her identity. ..
• India
24 Jan 10
talk to ur friend. tats more important i think.
• United States
24 Jan 10
I understand that writing is very therapeutic, but at the same time she has to understand that if it is not set on "private" everyone can read it and everyone can see what she has written. Also, she may not want him as a friend if she is going to have her friends, and not people that she does not trust, read her private thoughts. I understand her pain and frustration, but she has to be brave and think logically about this. He was no good for her if he did that, and he was not the one for her. She will find someone else, but it will take time as all things do.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 10
What I mean is, she needs to set her account to "Private" if she only wants friends to read it and no one else, and she needs to take her boyfriend off of her "Friend's List" if he is on there. She has to be very careful with this. I have been in some pretty nasty situations, and I will say that I have not posted them online, or if I did, I changed a lot of things and kept the names of the people involved out of the picture and I put it on a site that I knew people would not really read. You only want people you know, and you trust, reading things like that. One situation that I was in was so bad that I just wrote it all down in a journal, and I didn't think about putting online because it was so terrible. I also knew that if I had posted it that I would be no better than parties involved, and that it could have escalated things even more. You have to be very careful with many things that you say and do online these days.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I do agree with you the guy is not good for her having done that. If now she could not trust him, how much more if they have married and got other woman pregnant. It is good that it happened earlier while they are not yet married.
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I understand how your friend feels right now. Sometimes when there's something that bothers us what we do is to look for someone to tell our stories to. But to have it broadcasted through a social network where everybody can read, is not a proper way of relieving your misery. It will only worsen the situation. Maybe, during her times of depression, she was not in her self and she can't think of the right thing to do. As she said, being online in facebook is her way of therapy. Well, that's it. Love is not really a guaranty in a long distance love affair.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I guess she you're right, she is indeed "not in her self and she can't think of the right thing to do". Long distance relationship may make the heart grow fonder or may break one's heart. In her case, it's the latter, it broke her heart. Thanks for responding.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I think it's okay just to post in your status that she broke or was left behind by her ex but it's one thing on broadcasting the details. That's just too much information for everyone else. If she really want to relieve her heartaches, why pour her heart out to one of her best/close friends. At least a friend will give their honest take on what happened and they know on how to handle the situation because they know her. It's not like posting those stuff on Facebook will win his ex back.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
Maybe she is not contented talking about her problems with only a few of her friends. How I wish she will soon get through with all these pain...
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
24 Jan 10
Personally, I would not post all of my problems (romantic or otherwise) on facebook, but, I am fortunate that I have my sisters to confide in and seek advice from. I dont know if your friend's postings are a matter of being "proper" or not, but if that is what works for her, then I see no problem with it. I can understand how she might view her postings to facebook as a form of therapy. A lot of people find that it helps get things off your mind and chest by writing them down. Something about "seeing" your feelings there in black and white helps put things into perspective. I would get a diary though.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
If I get similar personal problems (God forbid though), I will also not post it in Facebook. I can post my problems in another forum wherein I can make aliases. I don't want my friends to know my personal problems, especially problems relating to affairs of the heart.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I understand how people can be relieved of their heartaches by telling someone about it but telling everyone about it, i think it's just not right. And what happens if she still loves the guy and she lost getting her chances because he actually lost face in front of everyone? That will certainly be more heartbreak. Why let the whole world know your heart is aching? That will not win you so much sympathy than the guy who lost face because of you. Just an opinion...
1 person likes this
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
24 Jan 10
The earlier post said that the friend couldn't get the guy back. He is in the Phillipines and she is in the States. He has another girl that is pregnant. I would not be too concerned about him "loosing face". If he feels that everyone seeing the posts on facebook is looking poorly on him then, he needs to take his share of the blame. One never knows what might happen. She may be able to say something in the posts to make him see things in a different way. It may help him to see what he has done to her.
1 person likes this
@olydove (1209)
• United States
24 Jan 10
I have to agree with you there, some things are just better left off the internet unless sent via private mail in confidence to another friend. We all know that talking it out does help, but to expose it to the whole world can be a bit extreme especially on FB. I admit I've posted some discussions here that I probably should have kept in more private zones but I felt I needed advise "from outsiders" to handle the situations at hand. Maybe that is in fact what your friend is doing is seeking advise in her own way? As for FB being used as a therapy method? In the common sense as one would think of therapy no, but if it truly makes her feel better to vent it out on facebook rather than in person yeah it could be a good therapy method for her, but it's not for everyone.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Well, as what she has mentioned in her Facebook account, she feels relieved when she discuss her problems in Facebook. .. I just hope that she will soon move on. Happy Mylotting.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
24 Jan 10
I do not tink it is such a good idea to publish this on any site, no matter what. You cannot do something like that, it is not nice. I think you should talk to her about this. And then she will have to apologize on facebook, no matter what she said on there. I cannot be therputical at all. People can think and say nasty things on subjects like this.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Whatever works for her. Some people feel better when they post stuff like that. I do not. So whatever works for her. I have to say though, I don't get why she is trying to 'win him back'. Sounds to me like getting him back is anything but a 'win'.
• Philippines
27 Jan 10
Maybe she feels relieved whenever she discusses her problems in the Facebook. . . . She still loves the guy, maybe that's the reason why she can't get over him.
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I guess I'm more in control of my emotions. If some girl acts like a screw ball, I'm not going to 'be in love' with her. It's a choice.
@acer5540 (354)
• China
27 Jan 10
I think if she is mature enough,she will not post this on Facebook.I can understand her sadness and heartaches,but posting on Facebook is no use, except gain others sympathizes,isn't it? He will not back to her,and the result will not change... When i was young, i like posting these unhappy things on blog, but now, rarely, i know the best way to treat hurt is make yourself full busy, find something meaningful to do..
• Philippines
27 Jan 10
Actually, she is looking for many people to symphatize her. The bad thing is she makes it appear that the guy is so bad . .. . It is just a one-sided story and the guy has no way to defend him . .
@acer5540 (354)
• China
28 Jan 10
Why not forget him and fall in love with another one asap?
• Boston, Massachusetts
26 Jan 10
Hi Doris, I am not in favor about posting anything related to very personal matters. there are things that we can openly shout over facebook that will make other people happy and be inspired by your story...but that one will put one's personality down. what if things change and you be back to each other's arms someday?...your friend already made a scar over the relationship. if she's having fun and in this way it relieves her pain...well, but not to the expense of others.
• Philippines
26 Jan 10
Oh, "what if things change and you be back to each other's arms someday?...". . she will pay for the consequences. It's as if she will be eating back what she had written in her Facebook. It would a deeper shame if she will take back the guy. .. .hmmmm, she never thought about it.. .
• Boston, Massachusetts
26 Jan 10
you are right. it will be a great shame for her for doing that. i hope she will now stop posting bad things about her ex boyfriend. you can let her see these posts or responses of ours regarding her deeds!
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
24 Jan 10
dorisday1971, I am not against her method but just concern that she be careful with her account's accessibility. I feel that there's a need for social networking site users to be discreet especially when there are so much dangers of their accounts being accessed by fraudsters, identity thieves and other criminals. Frankly, recovering is what she needs than unwanted attention here. I hope that your friend will be able to move on and not fall into another undesirable character that will break her heart again. Take care and have a nice day.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I also wish that she will soon be able to accept her faith and move on. . ... I believe she is having too much pain that she is using Facebook as an outlet to release all the pain in her heart.
@dorannmwin (36608)
• United States
12 Feb 10
I personally don't believe that I would ever use facebook as a method of therapy because a lot of the things that I have do deal with are things that I don't really want everyone that I know to be aware of. However, I know that for a lot of people it is a great source of therapy for them to be able to talk about what is going on in their lives. Regardless of all of this, I hope that your friend is able to move on with her life. There is a man out there that will be able to treat her a lot better.
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
If that is the way she handles her problem, I would say the guy is wise for not choosing her because she doesn't know the difference between what is private and what should be published and informed to the world. She has tendency to "Kiss and Tell". I would prefer a partner who would treat relationship holy or somewhat private... "just between You and Me" thing.
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
It is hard to judge since she said face booking is like a therapy for her. That is the only way she can do to get over it. If I will be ask what is the right thing to do, if by writing what she really feels relieve her, why not write it in a journal and keep the journal or maybe she wants everyone to have sympathy on her, sympathy make her feel she is not alone. She needs a friend who will listen to her, but the other option is, you can talk to a friend in a place where you and them can know it all. Or maybe that is just her. If facebooking can really help her, then let it be. But for me, If I were her, I cannot divulge my personal problems online, much more if the situation hurted me the most. I want those things to put in private, because I want to forget it fast and I don't want people talking at my back.
@mzz663 (2776)
• United States
2 Feb 10
I post things on facebook, but nothing that personal. I don't think everyone needs to know every little detail of everything that goes on with me. I would be afraid that people would treat me way different than they would had they not known some of the details. Does she tend to keep her friends or does she go through a lot of them that stick around?
@sanuanu (11241)
• India
26 Jan 10
Well, I have a little different opinion. I would like to have a real friend with whom I can talk and share my feelings. Breakup is a big thing and I dont' think facebook is the best way to avoid the sadness or depression. I have tried it, inspite the fact that all of my friends were really really really helpful still I felt something was missing till I have shared my problems with my friend by using my tongue. After which I was feeling so relieved that I can't tell you. I had started even one discussion on it too!
• Philippines
26 Jan 10
Putting your thoughts into writing is a good therapy. Using facebook can also offer a "hearing friend" where you will be confident in saying what is in your heart and not be prejudiced. This only shows that when a person is in a depressing situation, sometimes a "hearing friend" is all that is needed for release. it is really painful to lose someone over unfaithfulness but tell your friend, she deserves a boyfriend who would take in consideration her feelings and if he loves her enough, distance is not even a factor. Just shows that the relationship is not at all "genuine" in the first place...so she has not lose anything, for how can you lose someone who is not genuinely there, right? Let go and let God heal her and prepare her for the guy who is cut out of her by God. Our Father knows best!!