Differences b/w lover and wife when the same girl acting both the roles
January 27, 2010 11:19pm CST
Guys I am having a tough time with my girl after marriage, When she was my girlfriend We enjoyed a lot I spend on her and we hang out all most all week ends we used to talk over the phone for hours together at nights, Now I dont know why but i dont feel like doing all these but I would never say my love towards her has come down. Still she is not understanding this, she says I started hating her and started giving mental torture, Is this my problem or a common problem , I am sure who does love marriage will feel my pain , Just share ur love and marriage life experience with the same girl playing both the roles.Also share your experience of transformation and if some had solution to it share that as well
1 person likes this
28 Jan 10
i think you have your own solution to this. its because you are the one who is refusing to do the things you are doing before. of course you may eliminate some of your activities before your marriage because you are always together. but make it gradually so that your partner would not suspecting and accusing you something like hating her, etc. i believe you are just starting so start it right. my husband have been my BF for 5 years. when are married for more than 1 year now, but still we are like the same as before the marriage. we still go out, talk to each other until we lose topics (before on the phone)... we love doing things together... there is no point of changing your routines because it makes the relationship even stronger. so think of it, find the reason why you do not feel doing the things you and wife are doing before. and if you find the answer i think you'll know the solution. God bless.
28 Jan 10
I agree with you shylade. I think I can relate to this topic coz ive experience such change form my husband as well. Before we got married he takes care of me all the time. He would do almost everything for me, dishes, wash my clothes, check with me every now and then and all the other things that shows thoughtfulness. the huge change after our marriage is that he seems to forget the things he used to do before. like in a crowd sometimes he would act as if he does not know me not unlike before that he used to always have my hand to guide me. not listening to what i am saying to him, badmouth me to his officemates. He would even get into other people's side. At some point i felt that i totally lost my trust in him.I felt that i lost his loyalty and seems he does not take an effort to show that he still have it with me. Another thing is that im a housewife and what makes it degrading is when im being talked to like i am somebody worthless. what i want to say is that please dont change how u go about with your wife when you were still boyfriend/girlfriends.. Because it creates a different thought on your wife's mind. What she expect is the never-ending care and understanding that you once showed her. funny though, this does not seem like an added comment.lol. it should have been a reply.lol. but since i cant copy-paste ill leave it here. lol.
4 Feb 10
why did your love come down in the first place? was there another woman involved? did you learn something about her that you didn't know before? what? ask that to yourself. since you're the one who changed, then access yourself. she's still the same woman you fell in love with. it's just that she's sleeping next to you now and wanting you to be her husband. share share share.... share something together again... maybe you don't talk that much because you have something to hide... be fair. she's loving you the same or may be loving you more and you are loving her less??? think man.
29 Jan 10
Your relationship with her when you're not yet married is far different from now that you are married and living in the same roof. She is still looking for the care and the sweetness you have showered her before. I guess that you are now busy earning for your future, but that doesn't mean you have to take her for granted. It is the time that you have to talk more and plan for your future. Love, understanding and love are the key factors for a healthy and long lasting marriage. That is, you have to have time to express how much you love her, you have to have time to talk to her and make her understand what you want and also on your part you should also understand what she wants from you. You have to always open the communication between the two of you. Always remember that girls always want to be pampered, not with material things but with love, care and attention. Hope things will go well with you and your wife. Regards!
28 Jan 10
Well I certainly can't talk for everyone but I know that this is NOT the case in my marriage. My husband and I have been together for the last 13 years and have been married for 5 of those years. I can honestly say that in all that time, our love for one another has grown a hundred fold. We used to talk until the sun came up, we still do that. We used to spend our nights making love, and we still do that (actually a little better than we used to in fact), we used to do everything together and that is still the way that we are with each other. I am a stay at home mother and when my husband gets home from work, I do everything that I can to make sure that he gets a chance to relax. But having said that, it doesn't matter how tired he is, he always has time to make me feel beautiful, sexy, and like I ma the world's best mother and wife. I think that the way that your girl feels, is based on your treatment of her and while YOU might not see a difference, it is OBVIOUS that she does. Perhaps you need to make more of an effort to make her feel the way that she did when you first started going out. Marriage should never be an excuse as to why your love life is failing, if something isn't right, it's you and your girl who need to change, marriage has nothing to do with it. I know plenty of people in long term commited relationships that have the same problem and I have decided that it is most likely because once you grow comfortable with one another, you tend to slip into a rut and stop caring about impressing your loved one. This is what causes a lot of relationships to fail. I hope that things work out because by starting this discussion, you are showing us that you really do care about her. Time to let her know it now. Good luck and happy mylotting.
• United States
28 Jan 10
Hi ganesavel, What you are going thru is completely normal, I think. Once you've been together for a long time, you just comfortable with each other. It's not that you love each other any less but that crazy rush of emotion that you feel at the beginning of a relationship kind of calms down. It is too easy to take each other for granted. I don't think it is necessary to spend hours on the phone or every spare moment with each other. It is healthy to have other interests and friends. Still, you have to take care of your love itself as well. You still should enjoy some time together and have some mutual friends as well. Sometimes even the smallest gestures will go a long way in letting your partner know that you love and care for her. I remember one time my husband came home from fishing and had picked a bouquet of wild flowers for me telling me that he was thinking of me. It made my day. It was such a sweet gesture that I still remember it from 20 yrs ago and we've been divorced for years.
28 Jan 10
A relation needs nurturing to carry on strong. It's like a plant, you need to care for it after you take it home from the park. It is now inside your house, so if you do not water it, loosen the soil and add fertilizer, it's going to wilter. In the park, there's rain, earthworm to loosen the soil, droppings of animals and fallen leaves to let the plant grow but in your house, unless you do your part, it's going to die. So why do you stop nurturing your relation with your girl? Just because you've "got" her? Actually after marriage, you've already saved your trouble of travelling, and you can enjoy movies in the privacy of your room(less expense and more closeness). A little change but to your advantage, so why stop?