Have you ever written a looooooooong email, and deleted it?

@vandana7 (59048)
India
February 11, 2010 7:17am CST
Suppose you have this difference with a friend. It is misunderstanding of course. And you feel like presenting your case or your end of it. You write and edit, and write and edit, spend over an hour doing that, pouring your entire feelings into it. Then at the end of it, have you deleted the mail, out of irritation! I do that many times. I dont like justifying myself. :) It may be ego. :) But the fact is I expect my friends to be super human and understand my end of it, without me having to explain it. LOL. And even as I prepare that justification mail, I find a whole lot of not so sincere stuff creeping in. That is why at the end of it, I delete the mail. What about you? Does it give you any relief? At times it does. :) You should try it.
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Boston, Massachusetts
11 Feb 10
Hi Vandana, I used to do this when i am upset, hurt or frustrated. i use the email to express my anger and disgust. i let the feeling flow by writing it down than saying something that i might be sorry afterwards. now after writing them...i feel better. so no need for me to keep it or even send it to anybody. at least i was able to ventilate it without hurting anyone's feelings. WE ARE ON THE SAME BOAT FRIEND! Hugs!
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Hi msfrancisco, I just knew, we both are so alike in many aspects. :) I thought as much that you'd be one such person who must be doing something like that. In my case I start with north pole - that is the topic, and from there it goes east, and west, and south, and all over the place seeing good in me that doesnt exist. So when I read it again, I feel - oh god! when did I become such a liar. LOL. And then eventually get irritated at the stuff and delete it because the emotions that I felt at the start have been badly mutilated. LOL. But at the end of it, I do feel good, because somewhere, I recall some good about me as well I suppose. :)
1 person likes this
• Boston, Massachusetts
13 Feb 10
when you said and wrote it without thinking or editing how truly good and great are as a person IS THE REAL PERSON IN YOU. maybe you're not just comfortable affirming yourself that's why there's discomfort to the point of calling yourself a LIAR hehehehehe! you are a god person...i know that...i can feel it. it's okay to displace our feelings at least we did not hurt anybody right? i am happy to know that there's something in common between you and me. Cheers to that friend!
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@vandana7 (59048)
• India
13 Feb 10
No Pretty Woman, it is you who is good. Because you are good, you see good in everybody. :) I know me. :) At times, I react spontaneously, and then justify my actions. Well, that was in past, and professionally. :( But may be some bit creeped in personal life as well. :( I have come to a stage where I question any and every intention of mine, unable to trust myself, knowing how shrewd and nasty I have been in the past. :( But I am grateful to god for giving me good friends like you. :) Hope I become a better person in your company. :)
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@yugasini (12815)
• Anantapur, India
11 Feb 10
hi vandana madam, in my college days i am writing letters to friends,and even for pen friends also,you might understand what is my English standard at that time,but i have done lot of friendships with lot of people,still i have some un open letters from mexico,have a nice day
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Hi yugasini, nice to know you have friends. But do you ever fight with them, the way I do? LOL. I dont think so. :) I dont think you have a single enemy in your life. :) Your nature is so simple that people wouldnt like to pick a fight with you. :)
@yugasini (12815)
• Anantapur, India
13 Feb 10
hi vandana madam, thanks for the comment,i have also some quarels that is silly,but we never brake friendship,but i missed a good friend 20 years back itself due my miss beheviour,now he is in my place itself ,he is retired DSP,when ever he cross me on the roads,he is running away from me,but that too once in blue moon appearing on the roads,have a nice day
• India
11 Feb 10
Yes.......... One day i wrote a long mail to my best friend and unfortunately i wrongly delete it by mistake.................
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164064)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Feb 10
ganesh I think you missed the whole point of the discussion, reread it,its more than some deleting error, read it as you should have done at first.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Yes, Hatley is right, you did miss the point - but never mind. If you deleted by mistake, it may be you wrote something that god didnt want the other person to know. :) Hope you managed to keep your friend. :) Have a nice day ganesh_bala. :)
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
11 Feb 10
When I was newly married, I was doing this to write a letter (those days computer was not there in my house) to my husband, if anything I am not able to convey directly. Then I was tearing it. But later there was no time for all such things.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
That is so romantic! Wow, you should have kept those letters. You'd have enjoyed reading them, thinking how immature you were at that point of time. :) Hopefully, they contained nothing against your mother in law, and sister in law. he he. Kidding. :) Have a nice day. :)
• India
11 Feb 10
I used to do such kind of thing firstly i used to wright long mail and used to deleted it and i thin kits really bad habit.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
11 Feb 10
Oh dear! I need help then. LOL. Kidding. Who told you it is a bad habit? :) I thought it is good! It helps in getting rid of all those complicated emotions that well up immediately following any altercation. :) I am not sure of course. It works like that for me most of the time. :)
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@slbwyc (67)
• Singapore
12 Feb 10
i never try to do so. if i get myself in the same situation. i will try to solve the problem by talking to him face-to-face. if we are truth friend, he definitely will listen to me and understand me. to send an email may be another way for some people, but if i am the person, i will send the email in the end rather than delete it
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Hi slbwyc, I agree with you that face to face is ideal. But the problem is I am impulsive, and I might react to something that the dear friend says in anger and things might just get worse if our egos get entangled. So I always wanted to explain my stand, which was misunderstood. But the other person may become unreasonable and it might become difficult orally. :) In any event writing brings out all past issues in which we were correct/good, and the friend was not/needed help. That is like rubbing salt on the wound. I agree it is not for sending. It is just to share those painful moments with somebody - and here nobody in particular, because we delete it. :) I dont know if it has any cathartic effect on you, but I feel it has for me. :) Thanks for responding. :) Have a nice day. :)
@anjohanna (156)
• Philippines
12 Feb 10
Yes I did, but It was an accident. I forgot to save it and that time I was not that knowledgeable about email messaging, and other tabs on the mail service. So I ended up re-typing it again.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Hi anjohanna, I have lost a lot of data in past - when we used the DOS operating system. Delete *.*. LOL. Actually a few years' work with just a simple return.:) I was depressed for months together after that because I'd taken a lot of pains to do that much! Anyway, in so far as mails to friends are concerned, I tend to bring up old issues in which I was right, and which, if I send the mail, would annoy my friend no end. :) I think we should be giving time to each other to calm down, and then talk it over. Sending mail is no way. :) Especially since I end up portraying myself as holier than her/him. :)
@dpk262006 (55919)
• Delhi, India
12 Feb 10
Hi Vandy! Yes, it happens with me also sometimes when I write a long mail, when I re-read it, I would change the draft, thinking that the previous one was not very logical. I think, while drafting an email, we get a chance to re-read and modify it and even we can 'save' the draft and send it later, as per our convenience. I try to be as clear as possible in my mails and I try that I may not be misunderstood.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Here babyface, I always misunderstand you, ha ha. :) I cant help it deepak, as soon as I see that avatar, I smile, and the content gets read in another frame of mind. LOL. So your posts will never be read seriously enough. :( I do know that you are careful with your words, and you would hate hurting me of all people. Dont worry so much. :) Most people are not as fragile. :)
@megamatt (14332)
• United States
11 Feb 10
There were times when I have written long e-mails. There are times where I am in a foul mood and I tend to write out long rants. Thankfully, by the time I am calm enough, I decide that it might not be a good idea to send this right now. So I step away for a bit. Then I go back, after I have completely cooled down. Read the e-mail, have a good chuckle at it. Most of the time wondering how I could have gotten set off so much. Then I have deleted this long winded, hot tempered, ranting e-mail. This has happened a few times to me. Just someone did something at the wrong time and I had to vent about it in the most long winded way possible. Thankfully I had the control just to take a breath and step away, without sending it. Then deleted it when cooler heads had prevailed.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Hi megamatt, you did the right thing, and you are like me and msfrancisco, and Hatley. :) Welcome to the club. :) Actually we tend to bring up old issues - especially the ones in which we were right. That adds insult to the injury. The friend with whom we want to reconcile by offering explanations is hardly going to appreciate look how right I have been all along attitude. Reasonableness has to return before either of us can really communicate with each other. So sending such mails is not advisable at all, unless you want the relationship to end. :)
@Hatley (164064)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Feb 10
vandana oh yes once I was angry with my son over something, don't even remember what but I did just that, I wrote this lengthy email, reread it and realized that whatever we had had words about was really small stuff, and I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. I deleted it and felt so good that I had not given in and sent it. We mended our fences quickly and had I sent that I would only have hurt him, and in doing that hurt myself as well. This was a very liberating thing for me, My anger was gone and I felt fine again.
@vandana7 (59048)
• India
12 Feb 10
Exactly, we tend to bring out other issues as well, which are irrelevant, and which, if brought out might make it more complicated. I tend to portray myself in better light than I possibly am or was. Which can be pretty annoying at the other end, if they read it. In all, I find the main issue is bypassed and made insignificant with all such additions, which irritates me. Of course, I am irritated at myself. :) Yes, we'd mend our relationships faster if we dont send such mails. :) Nevertheless, I too feel better when I pour my woes out like that. :) Have a nice day, Hatley dear. :)