How can a shy person gain more confidence?

Thank you for this discussion my friend, I shall read over the responses, I am extremely shy and I go out of my way to avoid people, but it's mainly because I have been in abusive relationships and have been bullied for most of my life that is why I am not a people person and prefer my own company, I just don't trust people, I am suspicious of their motives and slightly paranoid, for me counseling is the only answer but I am a severe case. I find it extremely difficult to make new friends. However it's different online I am more comfortable and I have lots of online friends. I guess we all have different coping mechanisms.

Read "How to win friends and influence people" and then practice, practice, practice...

First and foremost I think a shy person needs one confidant with whom s/he can share everything. Shy people are very low on self-confidence, the fear of failure, of being ridiculed, of being tongue-tied, not being able to say NO, not being able to retaliate at the right moment…all these make them further shy and introvert. So I feel there should be somebody to assuage their fears, to train them on how to say NO, on how to retaliate and make them understand that its alright even if half the world doesn’t like you. Shy people need a lot of love, attention and patience to make them stand on their own feet and face the world on their own. Other than this, the next best thing would be just to shove that shy person out to the world and let him/her learn by mistake. This is rather a painful process and is quite risky too as the shy person may feel battered and decide to shun the world once and for all. But not every shy person is blessed with a guide, so this is the only available option. I too was a very shy and introvert girl by nature…I did not have any guide so I learnt by mistake. I am still cheated by a lot many people, taken advantage of but I’ve become more interactive with people so even if I have been dealt a raw deal, I at least talk to people and that helps me a lot. I’m no longer afraid to admit that I made a mistake…no longer afraid of being ridiculed and that has helped me a lot.

Hi I read this and it described me as a teenager. I used to blush as well. I was told when I feel a blush coming or feel like running away when someone spoke to me was to always keep a coin in my pocket and when that feeling came to grip the coin and think about it. It worked! To make friends would be to think of a club doing something you are really interested in and you will find that a shared interest with someone will make you friends without even noticing it as you already have something in common. You dont grow out of it but you know how to cope with shyness and shyness is greatly admired.

just try to mingle with other people. talk and talk. you will find soon that talking and sharing stories with people is fun and enjoyable thing to do. don't force someone to overcome shyness in a short period of time. this is a long process and it takes so much time.

There is this existing therapy called EXPOSURE THERAPY. This therapy is used to people having extreme fears or phobias. Now, since were talking of shyness, this is somewhat a very mild form of fear of people. Now to gain confidence, individuals must be EXPOSED to situations wherein they will encounter people. Continuous practice of this exposure might lead them to gaining self-esteem.

Shyness could effectively be overcome if you begin to think that none of the people you happen to meet are superior to you in any thing.....just anything for that matter.

Hi maxine, It´s difficult to find new friends when you are shy. The best would be to have a friend who is not shy to help the person get out of his shell by introducing him/her to other people one by one. I have a very shy friend and I never invite him to my birthday parties. But I invite him with another couple with similar interests. Many people don´t "need" a lot of friends. Shyness is not a problem unless it is, for them. There are places where one can meet people but not feel the pressure of having to talk to them. Church groups, conferences and courses of any kind are places of encounter. But if they dislike meeting new people, you have to accept them as they are and not try to change them.

I was always a pretty shy person and in many ways I still am. I am more confident now, but I still do not like too much attention. A big thing that I did to gain more confidence many years ago was join a network marketing company. I had to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people and even had to speak on stage. I ended up doing a few business presentations in peoples homes that did not really go well, but I did not make a fool out of myself either. I made no money out of being part of this business, but I grew as a person and evolved into being a successful business owner now. Another thing that worked for me to gain confidence was joining a sporting club. In my case it was archery as my neighbour was into the sport and encouraged me to come along. I refused the first few times as I was quite comfortable in my comfort zone and did not think I would be very good against more experienced people. I soon got to know everyone and I am now one of the leaders at the club. Probably the most important person there as I have done quite a few different roles in running the club and organising events over the years. I have also made new friends through being involved with the club.

i would say i am shy or umm a little conservative and an introvert, i would like to meet new people, i just wish they were little more comfortable speaking with me lol, to gain confidence we need to try to open ourselves to others, sometimes that is not so easy for shy people, i was always had a hesitation to speak to my neighbour, one day i don't know why but i forced myself to speak to her and she was kinda surprised and she openly said she wasn't expecting i would come and speak to her face to face coz we i only talked to her online and now i was glad to do so although i was a little nervous types, she was amused to see me and said i was 'shaky' hahaha :) even she said she was glad to meet and talk with me, now we could talk more, she said she would catch me sometime oh dear lol

For a shy person to gain more confidence they must first determine what is really bothering them. What are they really afraid of, what is preventing them from making that first move. Most shy people often come up with excuses because they are to scared to confront what is at the root of what causes them to be shy. This only they know. THey must first idenity this deal with it and realize what is holding them back is themselves and what deep rooted fear is holding them in place can't control them.

It is hard for a shy person to take a step forward, because her shyness itself inhibits her from doing that. I myself am extremely shy, and there are times when I think that my shyness isn't doing me any good, but then I've learned to love myself for that. I am not dreaming to be an extroverted party animal or something. It's really hard, because every time I'd feign confidence, deep inside I am already feeling awkward, and then I just get back to my old self. For someone to gain confidence, one has to figure out first the reason of her shyness. It is usually the result of either bad experiences from people or inside insecurities. Spend more time with friends because they make you come out of the shell. I noticed that I am more fun and out when I am with people I am very comfortable with.

try try try and try, a lot of trying.. because meet new people isnt his/her habit, then try to make it his/her new hobby. maybe a public park or some crowd place will trigger his/her social manner. well, of course they will reject this, but this is for they own good.

I'm a really shy person but when it comes to private messaging or text messaging or chatting I'm not shy. I think when it comes to personal interaction with new people is when I started to get shy because I think that I'm a boring person to talk to. I think to gain confidence a shy person just need to have more confidence and believe in himself/herself first and when he can do that I think he/she will have more confidence to interact with new people.