Living with your parents or your parents living with you?

United States
February 24, 2010 11:53am CST
One grows into the concept of independence, before long must be on his/ her own, meantime your parents, of course continue to age. One day your parents are much older and your independence maybe is not a priority for either nostalgic reasons or economic reasons. So you either have your parents move in with you or you move to live with your parents. How do you feel about that type of change in your life? Do you care if society brands you if you are too old to live with your parents? Would you make that move to enjoy your parents those final years of their lives? what is your feeling on the subject?
5 people like this
17 responses
@BarBaraPrz (17588)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
24 Feb 10
I did move in with my mom. I intended to upgrade her house, make it more accessible for her, and live in the basement. But a family member didn't like that idea, so I just bought my own house in that town. Then a year or so later, when everyone insisted she could no longer live on her own, "they" thought I should sell my house and move in with her. Yeah, right. Instead, I kicked one of my boarders out, gave that room to my mom, and had a shower put in the downstairs washroom for her benefit.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Ah sounds like you are so good to your mom, and of course there is always that family member who feels is their job to mandate what they themselves wont move a finger to do. Well good for you, that you had a chance to secure your stability and that of your mom's. Point taken for sure, cause you are right at some point someone likes to act like they have more authority then you in choices.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (17588)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
24 Feb 10
Yeah, they seemed to think because I moved away to Vancouver for 19 years that I didn't know a thing about my mother, God rest her soul.
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Feb 10
I live with my parents until I was 12 years old and then because I study overseas then I no longer live with them. But of course when I move to Australia they bought an apartment, so I live there (although they are not there...) so I still consider that living under your parents roof.. My younger brother still lives there too However, as soon as I got married, I move to my own place as it has more privacy and I think a new family needs to be on their own to really establish the good relationship between husband and wife. Later on though, when my parents are old and if they wanted to, then I will want them to live with me. That is just the way it is in my tradition. It shows care and love :) But Im not sure whether they would want to live with me or not as they are quite independent people... then maybe I'll just buy house from them nearby my place :)
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Feb 10
Thank you for your reply. I see, thanks for sharing. Indeed parents too can very independent and with due right deserve their space and independence. I thinks is true that one should at least buy a place close to them and enjoy their lives while one can.
1 person likes this
@parthu28 (499)
• India
24 Feb 10
i m still at a stage where i m slowing starting to gain some independence. for me it will take some more time to be completely independent but being a late child,my parents are already growing old. i would any day take my parents with me (if i cant stay back)so that they can have all the comfort in life that they have provided me ever since i was born. i care a damn about what the society thinks. for me the happiness of my parents is anytime more important.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
thanks for replying. Yes I agree with that. Starting up is not easy specially these days, and taking responsibility and sharing gratitude for our parents is a blessing and our duty.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39077)
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
So far i am not living with my parents or any of my parents live with me. But,if time will come that they need to moved with me..i would be very grateful to take care of them. And,if in any case that,i need to move with my parents due to some reason,i wouldn't care what other people might say or talk about it. People always had something to tell from their minds. People easily judge others without even knowing the person personally. So,let those judgmental people do their thing. As long as i am happy with my parents,and vice versa. To each his own
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Excellent, thank you for your reply. I agree on that, to each its own. So far I have outstanding feedback. You are right its a blessing to have the pleasure of helping our parents and enjoy their existence.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
24 Feb 10
I moved out of my parent's house when I was 18 and I never looked back, I can't imagine what it would have been like to stay there well into my 20s like a lot of people I know did. Barring some horrific catastrophe I could NEVER move back into their house as an adult. The problem with living with your parents as an adult is no matter what you've done in your life or how grown up you consider yourself the dynamic will almost always revert back to parent and child. I couldn't handle that. I was sick of that situation when I was 18 and had no clue, I could never go back to it after being on my own unless I absolutely had to. I think I could definitely have my mother live with us if the situation ever warranted it, but not my father - he would drive me insane. The worst my mom would do is the dishes and the vacuuming, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Well for sure this is a different side to the topic and reflection. Once again, hence, my topic. For many people parents are not always the figures we wish we had in our lives and tend to also push us away or forget us. How can one blame you if you could not find peace with your father? I wonder how ever if you thought on that are sincere and honest with yourself too. People make mistakes and maybe your dad made his, but what are some reasons your dad would have drove you insane about? Do you really feel mom's job is only that of a made?
1 person likes this
@freeboy90 (458)
• Italy
24 Feb 10
There has been recently a politic debate about this issue, here in italy some people in their 30's still live at home with the parents. The reasons are different, the main one is that the economic indipendence is very difficoult to reach here when you are young and studying, rents are way too high and universities cost a lot, so the best choice is to stay home with the good food of your mom, free place to sleep, with room service (your mom cleaning the house and your room and washing your clothes). But then often happens that once grown up and into the work world children are too busy to take care of parents so they are either left alone at home or put in some old people's structure ( sorry I don't know the name in english). Me personally, I have always been very indipendent in all the ways but the economic one, I'm 19 years old and I asked my mom to let me move last year, I have benn living on my own for more than 3 months and I loved it, the only thing I missed was my mom cooking. Then she forced me to come back home beacause (I'm a student) I couldn't pay the rent so she had to do it ( and also beacause she missed me, she didn't tell me but I know :) ) Anyway I will have to move (finally) this summer beacause I have to start university.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Well that is my whole point behind this topic. Thank you for sharing about your local country's view on this topic. Indeed there is a time of your life which must be developed and does not always cross paths with that of the parent's, until it comes to money. Strange at it may seem.
1 person likes this
@coolcat123 (4392)
• India
24 Feb 10
yes, i live in my ancestral house were my grand parents used to live then my parents and now me and my brother and sister. i have never seen my grand parents but living here , always reminds me of them about how they would have been.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
ah that sure sounds like paradise to be able to enjoy the family root and emotions, nostalgia from the past, its kind of like they live there still and you can feel their company, isn't?
1 person likes this
@kumbarn14 (686)
• Pakistan
24 Feb 10
I think finally someone has given a thought for the aged parents. I must say you do not have to see heaven if you accommodate your parents wherever you can shelter them and be apart of their lives, is a blessings from Almighty and these will be the wish, every time, you extend your hand in happiness to your parents. May God bless your good faith.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Awww I thank you for your reply. I must say it feels so warm to read you thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to share. Yes many don't understand this concept of love for your parents.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
24 Feb 10
My husband and I live with his parents now. Most likely when they get older we'll move in with them, or they with us. Then again we intend to live behind them, and most likely that will be the case... so when they do get to be that age it won't be too difficult to tend to them! I don't think it matters what society thinks on this issue!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 10
Thank you for taking the time and for sharing your thoughts. I agree it should not matter what society says. Its such a pleasure to be able to tend to your elders and have them know they are not alone and they too will be okay as they age. Living right by them is a great way to also preserve some privacy and yet be close enough.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 10
I lived with my parents till I was 24 years old. That was when I got married and moved to my own house. I had my house built before I got married. My husband is a lucky cos one problem was gone when he married me. I am staying far away from my mom now and I promised here to care for her when she is really old and fragile. Now she is 75 yrs old and has a helper to help her around in the house. I feel guilty for not being with her when I should be there.
• United States
27 Feb 10
Thank you for your honest thoughts and sharing this side of a situation, just about all posted promising to take care of their parents, hence justifying their choice to living with them n even depending on them, but you are the only one sharing the reality of life when one has not come through with that self made promise. The question is now what makes things right? Do you think your mother would be happy as things are?
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
27 Feb 10
I think she is happy to see all her 10 children living in close proximity with her. For this reason she gave each one of us houses in her new housing estate so we can stay nearby to each other and be able to be visit her regularly. The new houses will only be ready by May and that is when I'll move in there so I'll be nearer to her to render my daughterly care and love for a mom that never cease her love and her high hopes to see all her children live in comfort.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
24 Feb 10
for me, i wouldnt mind of what other people would say, my family is more than i have. i'll never exchange my family to what others say about me. i can easily say that because am an asian and we really value our family even to the extent of sacrifing some other things. we'll i'd love to hear also what others say about it :-)
• United States
24 Feb 10
Thank you for responding to my topic. I noticed that in Asian cultures its very likely that the young ones always stay home way into adulthood. I can appreciate your point, thank you. It feels great. I wonder how do you cope with times when your parent will love to stay controlling of your life even though you maybe old enough to be left alone?
1 person likes this
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
25 Feb 10
the youngest usually inherits the house. therefore he/she has to take care of the parents when they're old. at times, arguments happen due to parents interventions, as a respect to the elders, you have to obey. you'll not be different from others, it's thesame story :-) some would need to stay because of the inheritance they will get from the parents. LOL. That's where parents get the controlling power.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Feb 10
i am with my parents now,not married yet,am a college student.i want to be with my parents even after marriage i wanna take care of them at their old age.and my dad loves me so much he too doesn wish to be alone.
• United States
27 Feb 10
I feel your love for your parents through your thoughts here. I think its nice you want to be with them even after you are married, but what will your husband/ wife say on that thought? I suppose out of love he/ she will cooperate. Someone here had that great idea of having property next to their parents so is easy to live close by and help take care of them while keeping some space and privacy. I think that is also necessary.
• India
25 Feb 10
Hello friend!! I am still dependent on my parents as I am still not earning much and my job will also be in far city from my home as an engineer but I am sure whenever my parents will need me I will be there with them. While our parents have made us capable of earning and lead our life and given us birth at first don't we have some responsibilities towards them. I don't care what people in society think or do... I am sure about myself that I will take care of my parents for sure in their old age. Still they are too young still we should try to make them feel comfortable and should try to keep them happy as they never ask much from us and while they have done so much for then why we can't give them happiness and why we can't care for them... Have a nice time!!
• United States
27 Feb 10
hmmm thank you for sharing and I think it must be comfortable to admit you are dependent of your parents. I know parents love us and often won't mind helping us young ones, but I also know that they don't have the courage to tell us to leave either or deny us much. I think we need to make sure to be independent even if we live with them.
• India
25 Feb 10
I am not that fortunate to keep my parents with me.....whenever they visit my place, in one or two days they go to my brother's house. Because I am married they don't want to stay in my house......because I am female child. They are interested only with male child....
• United States
27 Feb 10
oh that is interesting choice or difference. So you feel that your parents are more likely to favor your brother? or do you think it is that parents feel more comfortable staying or visiting your brother, maybe because of your husband?
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
For me here in our country Philippines it is good for you to live with your parents even if you get old the bonding you feel it is good.
• United States
27 Feb 10
I noticed that in most asian countries its more and more acceptable and actually a normal practice to live with parents well into the 30s or 40s. I guess parents in your part of the world are more likely to give you privacy anyway?
@anurag3786 (6275)
• India
25 Feb 10
I am living with my parents.. because they doing for me everything.. and in that time i struggling for a good jobs.. my parents also encourage me.. and always helped me.. when i needed.. so i am very very lucky.. that i lived with my parents.. and they also support me.. have a nice day and keep mylotting always..
• United States
25 Feb 10
I see you are relying on your parents for everything, as you stated and I share that its a blessing to have them around you. Life is tough and as the economy presses I can understand your part of the world may have its share of difficulties. Sure you must be doing better so you can actually also share the support venue?
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
2 Mar 10
I will never mind, living with my parents forever.. It's not that i'm over or wanna be dependant on them.. It's just that, when they are old, it's our turn, or duty as a child to start taking care of them, and providing the best for them, after all the years of slogging.. What most parents wants from us, children, is filial piety, able to care for them etc.. ONe need not move out, to prove independance right?? It can be seen thru our daily life and the things we do ^_^ hehe