At a Loss feel like I'm loosing my best friend what would you do?

Canada
March 2, 2010 9:44am CST
I made a huge mistake in how I handled a situation with my best friend.....I lost a baby in 07 a cousin in 07, a Grandma in 08 and my husband walked out in April a month after my Grandma.....My uncle passed away the following Sept.... I've been told with the loss of a baby the pain is so deep and you grieve for no amount of certain time length....I'm at peace with my babies death just still to this day have my days and moments which I'm told will happen for the rest of my life.....My best friend was expecting her second child and I was having a day and moment hearing some words as I said in a previous discussion I chose to go to her in msn and emails and it started a big fight.....I feel absolutly horrible that I didn't come to her in person and was more clear..... I have aplogized for my mistake over and over and so badly want to make it up to her but I don't know how? As we are both right now taking a step back as the fighting keeps coming back in full circle.....What do I say if I contact her again? I want to contact her to show her I care.....She can't for what ever reason that is new to her find the forgivness for me.....That is what is hurting me that I'm at a loss Any advice and experiences are welcome.....
3 people like this
3 responses
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
3 Mar 10
she should understand your situation because you have grieve for a lot individuals and those were the ones who were so special to you. i guess it's best if you'll wait for the perfect time for you guys to settle down because she's still angry. let time heal all wounds. if she can't forgive you, then accept the fact that you also lost her.
3 people like this
• Canada
3 Mar 10
I agree with the saying that time heals all wounds too! And I think that once she and her friend have taken their break and let time help them get over their hurt and anger then it may get easier! I also believe that trust and forgiveness go hand in hand too and if she proves to her friend that she can be trusted again then in time too the forgiveness will come! I hope that made sense!
3 people like this
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
3 Mar 10
it's so hard to look for ways on how they can resolve their problem but i guess they're the ones who can bring back their friendship since they know each other well.
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Mar 10
I agree to a certain extent with both comments.......I feel that way right now elsmarie that I've already lost her....I'm sure that my friend was understanding of my grief tho..... But in saying that I feel that I've already tried so hard to show my friend that she can trust me again but if the forgivness isn't there there is no way to turn....I've aplogized for my mistake and how horrible I feel and I know it should of been handled face to face....But even with that being used as examples it also was a part of the circle I start with how sorry I am we clarify then it was used as an example then boom back at it again I know that it was clarified it would not be used again so that isn't the issue just trying to figure out what more I can do....Have invited her over for coffee when she needed out of the house she wasn't ready yet....I've tried calling there she talked to me 2 times but wasn't ready yet so if she isn't ready what else can I do to show her?
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 10
Oh wow! That's a tough one! Especially if your both taking a step back because you keep fighting! I'm sure with this girl being your best friend she would have understood that you have your days and moments and that pregnancy may be a touchy subject (because of your loss) so I doubt she said her comment to stick it to you. If she was your best friend I highly doubt she would be that insensitive and mean! In fact she might not have even realized she said it until you pointed it out. I don't really know what to suggest about the situation, BUT if I could offer any advice it would be to watch what you say if your talking to other people about it that also know your friend. I know and can understand that if your upset and hurting you may embelish or exaggerate on things! For example if your friend only said something once and you went and told another friend she said it many times, or you can't understand why she can forgive her other friends, boyfriend, or husband because they have hurt her over and over, but she can't forgive you! Comparing situations is pointless because ever situation is different and so are the people involved. That is really the only advice I can give! Hope that helps and sorry I don't really know what to say about it! Good Luck with your friend!
• Canada
2 Mar 10
That is something that I've been trying to do is watch what I say to others that I talk to but it's mostly not saying that my friend is saying this this and that but I also know through second hand that words can also be twisted to what was orginally said I say my part in it as well to try and figure out how or what I can do differently to help show how my mistake has been very horrible and how badly I feel....I have mentioned to my friend in question it hurt me a little and that I know it wasn't said on purpose but through hurt feelings and a big fight alot was being missed on both sides....It's not that I want to give up on trying to get my friendship back and work things out I just feel with the forgivness not being there that the chance to try is not there as hurt feelings are still very vivid on both sides if I'm making any sense.....Yes every person and situation may be different but I also felt with using examples of those situations I was trying to help with why it's not there for me.....As the term had been used in another situation.....I'm human and make mistakes and have said I'm sorry for it which I am but I also feel that forgivness is a part of accepting that aplogy I know it's not always easy to give and she is struggling with that it's just hard for me....I feel that I try so hard to work it out and it turns around in circles....Or I'm denfending myself....Also I feel that everytime I say how horrible I feel and how sorry I am then it starts all over again after clarification on both sides....I feel if I try I'm hurting her if I don't I'm hurting her I don't know which road to take as I don't know where to begin and understand anymore then she does why the forgivness isn't there.....I'm trying to protect my heart for whatever happens cuz I feel in alot of ways I've already lost her.....But in others I feel there is a strong chance I'm just hurting and confused....
3 people like this
• Canada
2 Mar 10
Hmmmmmm! I don't really know what to say or suggest then! I agree and understand that people can twist and turn things that is why whenever I get into a disagreement with someone I won't talk to others about it until I have clamed down enough that I know I won't accidently embelish, exaggurate, or end up saying something out of hurt or anger that I may regret later. All I was really saying is just be careful incase something like that happens. I'm sure if your friendship is meant to be it will be and the forgiveness will come in time and if it's not meant to be then I guess it won't! Maybe because you and your friend are taking a break right now (reasonably so) finding forgiveness for her is being put on hold. If your not communicating at all then how is she supposed to be able to forgive? In my opinion trust and forgiveness go hand in hand and if you prove to her she can trust you again I'm sure the forgiveness will in time too! Hope that made sense! Just a thought and opinion! Good Luck!
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Mar 10
Yes it made sense I also feel tho she could also reach out to me and help me with what is that she would like to see me do....It's not that I don't want to start I'm just hurting right now!
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@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Mar 10
oh wow blueangel you have had it in spades with so much unhappiness dumping on you all at once,too when you lose a child its so hard to try to deal withothers who are naturally thrilled cause they are expecting, I think you are on the right track. you need to see her in person and remind her that you have a lot of pain yet in dealing with losing a baby and bearing with those who are going to have a b a by. surely she must know as a best friend that you will hurt inside as you see her all bubbling over about her new expected child. I would tell her please right now dont talk about having a baby please, it hurts me too much.and I care for you and love you, can we not be friends again. then soft pedal it and wait for her to realize how hard it is for you with her being really happy when you are still in grief. give her a little time then.
1 person likes this
• Canada
4 Mar 10
Thanks for your response Hatley......I just felt that when a phrase was used and it wasn't intential at all....The part that is hard for me right now is the distance we have had since our fight....I look at her baby as a blessing and healing experience for me and hope to get the opportunity to meet her precious baby one day......Even tho it is hard for me I much rather heal with the love and support with friends then not be around at all....I just have learnt to come to her and talk to her face if I'm having one of those times and days as I know I will get through it....Happy Mylotting...
1 person likes this