what are the not so obvious signs of...

March 2, 2010 1:46pm CST
What are the not so obvious signs of a jealous and controlling partner? The obvious signs would be things like telling you what to wear and who to see e.t.c., but I think there may be a much darker manipulative unseen side. Some abusers are very intelligent as well as evil. So please share your knowledge and thoughts for people that perhaps do not realise what is happening to them!
4 people like this
8 responses
@vjenkins86 (1478)
• United States
2 Mar 10
From personal experiences I've seen some abusers and manipulators use guilt and always turning things on their partners. The smart ones always know how to make their partners feel like they are in the wrong or they are the ones who need to change. Controlling partners also know how to pick partners who are dependent, needy and willing to take the abuse- not saying all people who are caught in these types of relationships are needy and dependent, but many are.
2 people like this
@Hatley (157770)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Mar 10
renaissance a jealous and controlling partner is really dangerous as he will tell her how to act, what to wear, what to eat, like a father to a child, but he will resent her if she goes against his mandates. he will act like if I did not love you I would not be doing this for your own good,like a controlling parent, unhealthy in a partnership, intelligence has not one damned thing to do with it, this is an obessed man who wants what he wants when he wants it and tries to move the woman around like a chess peace,its not love, its infatuation and controlling, run from him do not stay. the life you save might be your own.If a man wants you not to go anyplace without him, checks everything you do , does not trust you at all, is angry if you so much as to talk to another man get out, do not stay in that relationship, it will only get worse.[
2 Mar 10
Excellent response! Thanks! What about the type of man that tells he wants you to be more independent and do your own thing, but when you do, he calls up more then usual, arranges something then cancels last minute with only a brief excuse when you could have done someone else- the more you get busy the more he wants to make plans together. Or a man who tells you he is not jealous or controlling, but gets in a mood if you get attention or tells you how disgusting your lipstick is and that the girls at work don't dress that revealing- when you know that your clothes are sexy but modest? Is this abuse or just a confused man? Also if he ignores you then gives you lots of love, time affection, acting all lovey dovey in front of friends and family , gives you gifts then ignores you. The pattern continues and you point it out and say you need more consistency and will leave, he tells how much he loves you. What kind of person is that?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Mar 10
Don't you feel happy that you have a husband that.... You should feel happy... Any woman in the world would be happy to have a guy who does dishes... In other words, telling a person how they should feel about something instead of respecting their feelings.
1 person likes this
2 Mar 10
Hi Dawnald- Thank you for responding :) So what you are saying is they try and make you feel lucky to have them, how you should be feeling in a situation, and to feel grateful that they are even there? Could you please provide me with few more examples?
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 Mar 10
if the recipient of jealousy is not already comfortable i think that's it..there could be no other signs than how you're feeling towards it, if it is not healthy anymore and it doesn't make you a better person, then it's the ooopppsss limits..
1 person likes this
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
3 Mar 10
Some people just could not afford to lose that one person they truly care for that is why they would resort to controlling him or her. But what they do not know how much pain it could give to their partner. We should always put in mind that the other person is a human being who has his own thinking , his own beliefs. We can't mold them into the character that we want for them. That could only mean putting them in a cage or a box. The sad part is that they might burst into a deep seated anger that we might later on regret. So, let go. Allow the other person freedom. But do not forget to share your feelings if deep inside you, you are already hurting.
• Philippines
3 Mar 10
Not so obvious signs of jealousy and controlling partner? Aside from making a comment about clothes etc I think when your partner tries to fish about your previous relationship through friends and then mocks at you. I am not sure if that will apply to you. At times, will try to suggest what to cook but you already have in mind what dish to prepare then your partner insists what he wants-sort of controlling. There are many instances that things may seem controlling but it's so hard to define if it is intentional or it is part of their nature.
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Hi, renaissance2010. The not so obvious signs would be, pretending to be interested in a partner's whereabouts. Like for instance if they wanted to know where they will be going so that they can come along to join.. They are trying to act as if they care when they are really just jealous to see them around someone else. Or wanting to just go along with their partner shopping. When in reality, they are just insecure in thinking that they are going to talk to someone else. This is a hidden jealous side that is not so obvious. Why? because the partner plays off his/her true feelings.
1 person likes this
@pastorkayte (2255)
• United States
11 Jun 10
He may need to be on your checking or savings account so that he can see what you spend money or need to share your cell phone minutes so he can check who you are calling. Those are some subtle ways he can control you, that most women would not think of because he is your mate. But they are also ways he can control everything you do.