It is only during your hard times that you know who really is close to you...

@kiran8 (12900)
Mangalore, India
March 16, 2010 1:45am CST
I have realised this time again, that most people are with you when things are going right .During happier times you find that relatives and friends are clamouring for your attention and are with you all the time ...but when there are difficult times you have to face it all alone, but for the support of a very few close ones who never seem to fail you ...I have seen how my close ones make time no matter how busy they may be with their own life, to call me and talk to me and generally be supportive when ever I need them. In fact I feel guilty about invading into their time , but they are only happy to do so....Is that how life is ? Have you all had this experience when some people disappoint you because you expect probably too much from them and some give much more than what you expect from them...
1 person likes this
19 responses
@mr_pearl (5038)
• India
16 Mar 10
I agree with you Kiran... It is only during hard times of life, that we come to know who has been a real friend of ours... I have had many such experiences. Frankly speaking, my life has been full of ups and downs at many stages. I remember, helping my friends liberally, when I had enough to help others. Then at other stage, I remember spending days without food (during recession) and calling friends for a little help. I was refused by those whom I had helped. Many of them, later, stopped attending my calls, or replying to my frantic e-mails. At one time, I spent 10 days without food and at that time, only one kind friend (whom I hadn't approached for help) did it for me and I survived. Then, I learned who was a true friend and who pretended to be! Thankfully, I am doing much better these days, by the grace of the Almighty and I have sworn, never to help anyone unless I am sure that that person is a genuine friend... Thanks for sharing with us... Have a great time!
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi mr_pearl, I am so sorry to hear about your life...I guess we all have our share of ups and downs.It makes us tougher and ready to face any kind of adversities. But doesn't it seem a little unfair that some people are perpetually facing rough weather in life and some others have it good most of the time...but that is life.I am glad to know that you are doing well now, and I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts, never be over generous...All the best to you and happy mylotting
@mr_pearl (5038)
• India
16 Mar 10
Hi Kiran... Thanks for your support. Yes, it is true that some of us always face the troubles and some of us live happily all the time. I don't know the reason but whenever I come across such an example, I ask Thee, 'Why?' There is no answer to my WHY, I am sure... The moral of the story is 'never be too generous', as you've put it... Good luck to you too!!! Have fun!
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
3 Apr 10
On second thoughts our life is not over yet right? so there may be good times to come in the future who knows? I am a positive person and will remain positive no matter what...
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
18 Mar 10
There is a phrase in our Bangla Language: 'There are many friends in your days, but there is none in you bad days.' This is the reality of life. This is also cruelty of life. When parents get old children also try to avoid them. Why are you thinking this. Is it for you are 89 (I have doubt)? Don't bother we are with you.At least me.Cheers.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
18 Mar 10
Please read many friends in your good days.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
Hi bhanu, yes we too have some thing similar down south meaning when you laugh there are many with you but you have to cry alone...LOL....I think of it all the time when I am 89 or 98 or any age for that matter :
@yugasini (12763)
• Anantapur, India
16 Mar 10
hi kiran, there is proverb, share the good with friends and other,and feel about your difficulties alone,that is common,just the ants will come to sugar,people are more when you are alright and with some money,if you loose money,no body will come to you,just like me some of my known persons are not inviting me for their functions,but they are inviting my brother,that is the thing,have a nice day
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
17 Mar 10
Hi Yugasini, Yes what you say is very true, most people ant to be friendly only with those who are successful an are rich...They are ready to help such people with money or anything else that is needed.If a really needy person were to ask for hel , they will never do so...Take care and all the bet yugasini
@yugasini (12763)
• Anantapur, India
17 Mar 10
hi kiran, thanks for the comment,have a nice day
@1anurag1 (3585)
• India
3 Apr 10
yes i agree with the things. we can realize only in our bad time. when we have money power and health every body would like to be with us to make them secure. but the people who stay with us may be how much help they could do or not. they are real and not fake. that is the real time when you will come to know who cares about you and close to you.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
11 Apr 10
Hi anurag, sorry for the delayed response . Yes we come to know people's true colors only during our difficult times.It shocks you at times, but that is the reality of life.I guess nature made us that way , survival of the fittest and naturally people look up to those who are doing well and are on top because they too want to be there...
• India
3 Apr 10
Hi kiran What you say is absolutely correct, most friends are nice weather, selfish friends, so long as you entertain them in parties feasts they remember you You reminded me of my accident in 1985 i broke my hipbone was bedridden for almost two years, my kids were younger than, i had my job but i was on medical leave for indefinite period, money was needed for home expenses too plus treatment A stage came when my friends and close relations stopped visiting me, afraid i may ask for loan, if not as help I sold all gold my wife had. Thanks for this post, cheers Prof
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
3 Apr 10
Yes Thats what happens in life.Most friends and relatives vanish when we need them most .I too have had several such experiences with people who I thought were good friends and some relatives who seemed as if they were genuine....But one stroke of bad luck and things change ..
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
17 Mar 10
You are very true.Only genuine friends and relatives can make it to the final rounds. I too have faced some very hard and testing times and my close relatives stood by me like pillars.I owe to them.Without them i would not be the same person. I have been cheated on by my partner not one time but three times.But i am so lucky to have wonderful parents and brother who stood by me mentally and emotionally. I am a satisfied person now that at least i can rely on some genuine people.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
Hi bamrahkirti, thanks a lot for your response I guess most of us face such situations in life, and as long as we come out of them feeling positive it is o;k ...The greatest consolation is to have your family to fall back on...all the best and happy mylotting
• India
17 Mar 10
Yes, Kiran, this is so true. Just the other day I was responding to another discussion here which asked if we were shy or comfortable in asking for help from others…well, I said that I am always uncomfortable asking help only coz I know how most people react when you are in trouble and need help…most would avoid you like plague in your bad times and that causes further depression and frustration. Also, a few who might drop in…would rather enjoy your predicament in a twisted way while others might help you but would lose no opportunity later to remind you how you should stay obliged to them. I’m sure people must have their own reasons, but generally I keep my troubles to myself…I feel very awkward asking for help from anybody. Yes, there are a few on whom I can depend on any day….
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
I agree, I too am very wary of asking for help.I have had experience where people have refused quite bluntly, this in spite of my having gone out of my way to help them...And as you say there are sopme who first preach you and then pretend to help you, all the time taking advantage of your situation...
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
this is quite normal if you ask me. though you expect too much from a certain someone to be there by your side whenever you needed them, don't get disappointed THAT MUCH either because it will only cause you more heartaches. instead, try to be patient and understand that they may be busy with something else. patience goes a long way my friend..
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
Hi , thanks a lot for your advise ...Patience is a viurtue that not many have , having said that one cannot be patient while one is in distress, all that you expect at that point of time is some help and assurance...
@1anurag1 (3585)
• India
16 Mar 10
yes i agree with you as most of the people only support or try to be with those people who are either on top or at power. there are number of people who like to be with those people who are intended to get the advantage of the power of their colleagues and if they are not in power or with money they generally leave them in the desert.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
Hi anurag, one can understand people trying to be friendly with those in power, but to discard your friends in their hour of need is just not right. I feel that such people do get back what they have done to others...
@besthope44 (12149)
• India
16 Mar 10
Yes thats true. We may have 100s of close friends, you can have them at your best times. When you expect more then disappointments are sure. It happened to me too..at my most need, i was able to identify my real friends. Well, not to blame anyone, i made it a point, dont expect from others, rather you do to others what you expect from them. Then life is happy always!
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
26 Mar 10
Yes as you rightly say, we identify our real friends only when we are down and out..One can only hope that people realise that they get what they give to others , thats the way life is...at least most of the times..
16 Mar 10
From personal experience it is pretty much only your true friends and family who stick around when you need someone. Those shallow ones who enjoy your company in the good times are the quickest to run when things don't look so rosey and are also the quickest to return when things start looking up again.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
17 Mar 10
Hi tdc, You are absolutely right, that has been my experience too.Even the ones who had got help from me during their difficult times forget the past and only look after their personal interests.It makes you wonder whether you should stop helping people, because it is easy to say that one should help without expecting anything in return, but you wouldnt want the same people to hurt you.
@Andyvil (793)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
I can really relate to this. The past couple of months I have been very down and most of my so called close friends wouldn't want to go out with me cause they know I was very down cause of my break up with my ex. They didn't want to listen to me cause they knew I would only talk about how I could get over her. I guess they missed the part where all I needed that time was someone to talk to and support me. This made me realize that although I have a lot of friends only a few of them are real ones. I realized that even though most of my friends are here they couldn't spend a little time to talk to me or just spend some time with me. I realized that distance wasn't an issue cause one of my close friend who was living in a different province still gives time to listen to me. I definitely consider her as one of my true friends cause she was with me through the good times and the bad.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi Andy,I am sorry about what happened to you...Time and distance is just an excuse.If one wants to make time one will do it somehow or the other...I agree with you, that during one's difficult times what is most needed is some understanding and assurance given by people who are close to us...All the best and take care
• Malaysia
16 Mar 10
well in time of adversity, you will know who are your true friends. some are friends who spend happy days with you and help you to spend your money. others when bad times come, they disappear as fast as they appear, saying no time, this and that. there are friends that stick by you through thick and thin, very few of them. you can count them with your 5 fingers or so. whatever it is, count your blessings that you do have good friends and family members who care for you. very important no matter what happen, learn to trust in GOD as He never leaves or forsakes you. in bad times, cling to God as He never disppoints you. there is hope in God.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi, I know, one has to be thankful for what one has, as you say count your blessings for what you have ....not worry about something that is just an illusion.Faith and belief in God does make life easier for some ....all the best
• China
16 Mar 10
a friend in need is a friend indeed.Only in your hardship you can distiguish your best friends from the seeming friends.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi james, thanks a lot for your response Yes one can realise the true worth of people when there are hardships in life...all the best and happy mylotting
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
16 Mar 10
Hi Kiran,strange are the ways of the world,and you have hit the nail right on target.In fact we can gauge the depth of the feelings people close to us have by their reaction when we are in dire straits....And its not only friends ,but even close relatives whom we expect to be a mountain of strength in our bad days,often turn out to be the first ones to turn their back on us.....Yes this is all life is all about....Infact what we learn in school from our books is never a substitute for the harsh lessons we learn from life......amen.....
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi Roseo, what you say is so very true....those we expect to be a mountain of strength do turn their back with all kinds of excuses , that's what life is all about I guess....Life is filled with harsh realities ...
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
yes your right specially when it comes to friends, most of them are good only during happy times but once your in your troublesome life expect them to have a lot of excuses while others just disappear one by one afraid that you might going to ask for their help specially financial matter. i used to have those kind of friends whom i counted for as trusted.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
I agree with that, more so with relatives. I find that most relatives do not want to be caught on the wrong side, so they would rather stay away in times of difficulties and so also some friends ...all the best and happy mylotting
@daliaj (5689)
• India
16 Mar 10
It is a fact that you can find good frineds during your hard times. When you have a lot of money, power, etc. there will be a lot of friends who like to converse with you and spend time with you, but you may not be able to find these people when you are in a difficulty. The problem occurs more with financial loss. When you are in a difficult situation, many people keep a distance from you because they don't want you to borrow moeny from them.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi daliaj, When you are in any kind of difficulties most of the so called close friends and relatives do the vanishing trick ...It is only a very few trusted friends and relatives who are there to lend you support ....all the best
@cream97 (29179)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Hi, kiran. Yes, this is very much true! It seems that people are my friend when things are going really well in my life. But as soon as I fall down to the ground, there is no one around but a few people that I can call on. It is great to have loved ones that are there for you regardless. I know a couple of females that are like this. And that is what I love about them the most, their sincerity. People should try to take the time to shed some light into a persons life. It will make them very happier.
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi cream, It is only time and experience that make us realise the value and importance of certain people in our lives....As you say when you are down people try to evade you and it is only the very few close ones that are there ...all the best and have a great evening
@tomitomi (5442)
• Singapore
16 Mar 10
i absolutely agree with you kiran. i'm glad to say that my family has always been behind me in good and bad times. there are also friends who are always there. these are the pillars of my life. they have enriched me in more ways than one. a simple smile and a "hi" is sometimes what it takes to return them when i'm busy. otherwise, i try to catch up during weekends or holidays. i'm sure knowing that we are loved means alot to everyone. it feels good too to try to be there as they have always been...
@kiran8 (12900)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi tomi, Yes when you have a close knit family then you have nothing to worry about..As you say what is neeeded is the right word at the right time and circumstance, and , generally being there for you when you need them...all the best and happy mylotting