House Guest Fron HELL.

@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
United States
March 16, 2010 5:10am CST
i HAD COMPANY LAST WEEK, A LONG TIME FRIEND CAME & STAYED FROM SUNDAY TILL WED. She came right after christmas & stayed a few days & everything was great. We had a wonderful visit. I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt . She has brian cancer & i don't know if she is just sicker than she was before or what but it was a miserable visit & i was really glad when she went home. I hate to say that because i love her to death. She came in the door beliggerant & it just got worse. I hated it so bad. Her main gripe was my smoking. Now she has known i smoked for as long as she has known me which is over 20 years.She kept making little nasty remarks about it till i got my fill & I TOLD HER HOW I FELT. sHE ASK ME IF I WANTED HER TO GO HOME & I TOLD HER IT MIGHT BE BEST & HER ANSWER WAS 'I DON'T WANT TO'. So she stayed till the next day. I had gone to alot of trouble & expense to fix her some good food & she even gripped about the bacon being too salty, didn't eat hardly anything but some bags of candy that she brought w/her. Have u ever had company that u were just miserable having them in your home?? I have heard from her since she got back home.GO FIGURE.
9 people like this
21 responses
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Girl, you must have had the patience of a saint.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I have always told her she was like the daughter i never had. I hated our visit went the way it did. I think some things were really bothering her plus her condition i do think is getting worse. everything is o.k. she called today. I will say tho if she wants to come again i want allow that to happen. I would never be ugly to her but don't intend to go through that again. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Mar 10
Nope, nobody yet. I'm thinking it's the brain cancer and how sad.... :-(
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks for responding. I am afraid u are right but i do think something else was bothering her to. She had to move back in w/her mom & she means well but that's the most controlling woman i have ever seen. This is her 2nd go around w/the cancer. I pray every day they will get it in remission again. Bless her heart, it's terrible.
2 people like this
@amijor (234)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
Sorry to hear about your friend. I also had experiences with pesky, unannounced visitors coming over to our house. I just hate it when they demand a lot about the food that they want, and sometimes those food that they want are expensive and should be bought outside. Not to say that we aren't hospitable, but I don't like how inconsiderate they are when they know that our family has a hard time on money these days. Your friend, however, is a different case than the one I've mentioned. You could have just made an effort to understand your friend and avoided smoking in front of her. Just understand her. She might not live for long (Brain CA has a poor prognosis) and maybe those things were her ways of indirectly telling you that she needs your pampering.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks for your response. Everyone gets pampered when they come to my house. I will smoke in my own home when i want to tho. She knew i smoked before she came & if she had a problem w/that u should have stayed away.
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 10
Well that is very sad friend. Its very hard when you know its likely the cancer messing things up in her brain. My mom aso had that and she was kind of mean and cantankerous with most people already but got worse as it progressed. Actually i wonder if she may have had it most of her life growing in there as she was just so different from her loving nurturing sisters. no one could ever figure out why she treated her only child so coldly. her sisters were like a bunch of foster mothers to me yes, my mom always acted that way when she visited. my first mom in law did also. id wait on her hand and foot. but special things for her to eat and nothing was ever good enough.i breathed a sigh of relief each time either of them went home.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
gOOD MORNING bON, i'M SORRY U WERE TREATED THAT WAY BY YOUR MOM, I CAN CERTAINLY RELATE . mY MOTHER & I DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP EITHER. I had 2 morher-in-laws but always got along well w/them. I think the cancer was some of the problem w/my friend but i think there was also something else bothering her to. We had such a nice visit right after christmas but sure can't say we did this time. It was very upsetting to me & i'm sorry it turned out that way. Hope u have a great tues. jo
2 people like this
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
I know how terrible you felt after all you have been friends for a very long time. I do not make excuses for her rude behavior but when you have brain cancer or any kind of terminal illness you can be quite irritable and some do exhibit strange behavior. I guess she loves you too to be commenting on your smoking but she just did not know how to say it to you and was holding off to talking about health issues because she is going through something major. Cancer patients can be picky eaters please understand their bodies do not function very well and I know how hurt you were but please place yourself in her shoes. What is it like to have cancer? How do you think you would feel knowing its effects? I'm not siding with her because yes I think it was rather rude but people do use coping mechanisms to not feel bad or feel less than the rest. I think she miss your company or she would not bother to see you when she is that sick, but again she did not know how to show you in an appropriate manner.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks for your response. I do not have cancer but have quite afew medical issues myself. I know she wishes i'd quit smoking & i know i don't need to be but she knew i smoked before she came. I just didn't like her nasty little remarks about it. everything u said is true & i am sorry that she is sick.I just don't want to go through that again & i want.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Mar 10
Maybe she's frightened about her cancer but hasn't been able to verbalize it to herself or to you. Also, her cancer treatments, if she's having any, might make her nauseous when she eats. I doubt that she meant to behave as she did, but fear can make people do weird things. Complaining about your smoking might be her way of saying, "I don't want cancer to do to you what it's done to me." Why don't you give her a call and discuss it gently with her.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I sure she is frightened, i'm frightened for her. This is the 2nd time she has had it, bless her heart. I have talked to her, yesterday in fact. She called but her visit wasn't mentioned & i think that's just as well. I say a prayer for every morning that they will get the cancer in remission again. Thanks so much for your response.
@tessah (6638)
• United States
17 Mar 10
i have had house guests like this.. many times. the last stayed for an entire week.. and during her time there made continuous comments about being bored, that i had to entertain her, that i didnt take care of my kids proper or my animals. and even said things TO my children about me. entertain her? i have kids to take care of and life in general to tend to.. if was just a day or so i could slack a bit on things.. but when the dishes are piling up and laundry needed doing.. wtf was i sposed to do? /boggle sad to say thisperson is no longer a friend of mine. after she left i told her bluntly that i didnt want her back, that i didnt appreciate her behavior and disrespect while inmy home.. and that i just didnt want friends that were the type of person she was.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I'm sorry u had a bad experience to. People that u think are friends can sure fool u. I don't blame u for telling her she wasn't welcome at your house anymore. Noone needs friends like that. Thanks so much for your response. Happy days to u.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I haven't had a housguest like that but I have great reespect that you were able to maintain composure. I think it must have been her illness causing her to be so fussy. Was she fussy before? Hmm..well..it is a shame that she hasan't contacted you since she has left but at least you tried to make her visit a nice one. Take care Jo.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Good morning Jen, Thanks for your response & kind words. No, she never was a fussy person, i have never seen her act so tacky before, sHE called yesterday & not a word was mentioned about her visit & it never will be by me. Hope u are having a great day.
1 person likes this
@Loverbear (4929)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I feel so horrible for you!! This experience will stay with you long after your friends passing. With any kind of brain problem, whether it is cancer or strokes or head injuries, the person will change. It could also be that she got news about her condition and was feeling resentful that you are healthier than her and she has such a rough road ahead of her. Also, the cancer may have spread without detection. It's possible that she hasn't seen the doctor recently and had the tests to track the disease's progress. It sounds like the cancer has invaded the sense of smell and taste along with the area that controls the behavior. It wouldn't take too much time for it to reach those areas. Also, at times, people will be that horrible when it is nearly their time to depart. It is kind of like their way of severing ties to people that they care for. Again, it is the lack of control over their behavior, whether it is from strokes, diseases or just plain jealousy. I went through hell with a neighbor a few weeks ago. I have always been honest and above board with then, and suddenly I achieved the status of Bonnie Parker. I had borrowed a sewing machine from her and she decided that the one I returned wasn't her's and that I sold the one I borrowed. Her appearance was that of a total psychopath, her eyes were huge, the pupils dilated and she had the air of a frantic maniac. She also hit my boyfriend when he tried to tell her that the machine that I returned was hers. I haven't spoken to her since. I still have the machine and don't know what I am going to do with it other than treat it like antique crystal and wait to see what happens. The woman is nearly 87 years old and has had quite a few strokes. She admitted to a friend that she thinks that she had another not too much before the sewing machine incident. It breaks my heart that my memory of this lady is the pain of the false accusations. Did the woman have to travel very far to get to your home? When you have the kind of problem she has it takes longer to recover from a trip. It is hard to explain away, but I assure you that you're not the only one to have house guests from the bowels of hell.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (4778)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Mar 10
I don't use my existing brain damage as an excuse for my actions. But, I know how you feel in a way. I had two friends over and they stayed for two weeks. And, they needless to say overstayed their welcome, but George my hubby was trying to work real hard to get them to stay longer, and longer. Eventually they had to go home. Of course, he was trying to use their presenance to get away with his drinking and what not. But... don't want to relive that....
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Good morning kay, I appreciate your response. I have been there done that w/a drinking husband & know sooooo well that they will do anything to get out & drink. i'm sorry u have to contend w/that. It is bad when things like this happen & very sad to. I hope u are well & happy.
@ronaldinu (12454)
• Malta
16 Mar 10
HI Antiquelady, It is disheartening when you treat others nice and they don't appreciate what you do with them. If I have understood you well she has brain cancer, so i assume that it is a terminal illness right? I don't want to excuse her actions but it seems that part of her "bad" behaviour might be in her illness. The fact that she wanted to come to your house it means you mean a lot to her and vice versa. Sometimes things do not work out well with a host. Even if she did not utter the word thanks I am sure she was graceful that you had prepared good food for her even if she did not bother to touch it. I am sure her illness is not allowing her to act normally.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
She is very sick & i realize that. I just don't think it can all be blamed on her illness. I really don't know what it was. She came the first of the year & we had a great visit. When she ask to come back i was all for it. It's a sad thing to happen & i'm sorry it did.Thanks for redponding.
@pergammano (7756)
• Canada
16 Mar 10
Got my power back! There is a old expression..."company and fi$h stink"...BUT I am so truly sorry, this happened. As you know, we keep in touch, and I was so hopeful, this was going to be another CHEERFUL visit...NOT! I am just hoping, dear Lady...the difficulty is because of her waning health, as she has known you..and all about you for a long time. I pray in my heart, you will hear from her soon, and that life will be back to normal. Please don't fault you, I know you cooker all her favourite foods, really went to bat....it wasn't a great time, and I do hope SHE and you will feel better! LUV & HUGZ
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks dear, for your sweet response. I'm so sorry the visit turned out like it did but so goes life, i guess. I had an e-mail from her yesterday. I was glad to hear from her. Glad u are back w/your power again. I know how much i hate it when mine goes off. Take care. love & hugs.
@daliaj (5689)
• India
16 Mar 10
It is fine to have friends at home, but the friends who wants to stay at our home also think about the situation of the people staying in the home. One of my close friends wanted to stay at my home because her MS exam center was nearby my house. She wanted to stay at my house for a week. My husband was leaving to a different country as a part of his job and I wanted to spend some alone time with him. Also, we sold most of the things at home and I was shifting to a hostel. So, I said 'NO' to this friend. She has nver talked to me after that incident. I don't feel sorry for her and I am not going to talk to her consdierin of the great frienship we had. If she were a good friends, she would have understood the situation. She still works with me, but we never talk. It is better not to have a friend like who thinks about her situation, but ignores her friend's concerns. I think she was greatly disappointed, when I said NO, but I had a reason for that.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
I'm sorry u lost a friend like that but maybe she wasn't as good of a friend as u thought. People are so hard to understand nowadays, i think. I would not go to a friend's home & act the way she did. I'm sorry it was that way. If she ever brings up coming again i'm not going to let her. Surely she want. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
16 Mar 10
I'd say she's hurting and in pain. She's been a long time friend and you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn't hurt for you to call her --- She might be gone and then you'd feel terrible. hugs.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 10
Quita, the next time you want to sound off on our Jo, I suggest you do it in a private message. Jo is an old and valued member here. She has lots of friends and you don't want to mess with them like you have here. Unlike you, she understands that we come here to vent, to rant and rave, as well as to support, and just have fun. So please, let her express herself and leave the retaliations off the lot.
2 people like this
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Thank you for your input and I too know Jo is a wonderful person. God Bless and I am sorry for putting you out.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Thanks sparks.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
16 Mar 10
oh yes have right now and on and off for months. THey are living here not helping pay for anything but maybe food once in awhile! HAve to tell the woman its her time to cook now! as she didnt before. and she looks surprized!? She has set on her butt int the front room clued to the tv. never offers to help with the cleaning now I can get the son to do things for me but have to ask him or tell him what I want done they dont seem to see what really needs to be done have to put thier fingers on it! just gripes me so glad they have found and apartment they move into on the 1st!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Sounds like u have really had a problem. I'm glad they are moving out & know u are to. I would resent them coming in my house & expecting me to do all the things u have done. Yous son should have made it clear /her right up front that she was suppose to share the workload around there. Thanks for your response.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
17 Mar 10
not my son. Its my son in laws mother and brother who are here. The brother has been here for almost 4 years! Now I can get him to do things by asking like last night had him hold the topsy truvy basket while I planted the tomtoes. and he mops the kitchen once a week . And when she first came she was under workmans comp for her shoulder BUTY when she went back to Tenn she didnt follow thru with what they wanted so she wont get a dime out of it . Silly woman wouldnt fire her lawyter to get a better one. LAst night was her turn to cook and she didnt start till the brohter got home at 5 PM I think he asked her what was for dinner before she started it. we try to eat before 5 So we aint hungry when we get up in the morning not sure what the difference is but eat late starving when we get up eat before 5 pm we arent lololol I think son in law scared to tell his mom anything like Sat botht he boys came in together and asked when supper was to be cooked . Daughter told them it was their moms turn she looked like WHO ME! Well we grilled out only thing she did was pat out the hambergers and me and one son did the cooking !
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Sorry, i thought it was your son & dil. u HAVE GOT A MESS IT SEEMS. i know u are sorry u ever let that happen or i would be if i were u. U had to be a very nice person to let them move in to start witm. The least they could do is to help u out w/everything that needs doing. I think they have really taken advantage of you & your kindness. They need to find their own place & get out of your hair. U are a better lady than i am to put up w/this to start with.. I like peace & quiet at my house.
@rosegardens (3044)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Your friends illness is perhaps the reason she is behaving so badly. You were great friends up until recently; I suggest you reach out to her. It sounds like she is suffering some sort of dementia from the brain cancer. She will more than likely be difficult from now on. All we can do is pray and hope for healing and that she is able to enjoy the rest of her life and find some happiness. I can certainly empathize with you in this situation. That must have been so shocking for you to witness this behavior of your friend. I can imagine it must have hurt you being told off in your home, especially since you went to a lot of trouble for her. I do not blame you for being angry and hurt. I only hope you are able to understand her situation and look past her negative behavior because she is quite unaware what she is doing and does not mean to hurt you.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Thanks for your response. I am very sorry it turned out the way it did. I will say this it want happen again. Have a good one.
@overwith (101)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I am new to myLot but I do enjoy reading all the responses. It makes me feel like I'm part of all your lives. Can't say why except all of you seem to be great people by what I am reading. Dear Anti.Lady I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It's always hard when a friedship goes through something like this. I hate that your friend has cancer but I also hate for you to have to go through this in your home. I believe that someones home is the one place they can truly be themselves. That was taken away for awhile. Maybe it is the cancer or maybe not it still don't make what your friend did any easier to deal with. I know a person that used their illness to get their way with everything in life. I hope that is not the case with your friend. Hope to read later that things have changed between the two of you. Just don't let her illness make you feel very guilty about having words with her you still need to stand your ground. It don't sound as though you will do that though. Good for you.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Good morning overwith, thanks for your response & welcome to mylot. It is sad to have something like that to happen w/a good friend. She called yesterday & nothing was mentioned about the visit & it want be unless she brings it up. I know she is sick & i wouldn't hurt her feeling for anything . Hope u have a great day. thanks again.
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
17 Mar 10
It sounds like to me if she got so belligerent that her brain cancer has gotten worse. Bless her heart. I feel sorry for her in a way. I know you were glad when she left. She should have appreciated you cooking for her. I never have had company like this unless you want to talk about my sister who lives in Birmingham, lol!!! I know it's normal for all sisters to fuss and fight but she can be so bossy at times. That was years ago and I was so glad when she left. Kathy.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Good morning kathy, it was very sad & very depressing to have her act like she did & it's so unlike her. She was here right after christmas & we had a great visit. I talked to her yesterday & they are going to do a mri in a couple of weeks . I think she 's aware something has changed. Her visit here wasn't mentioned & it want be unless she brings it up. She did leave a note apologizing for the way she had acted while she was here. it's very, very sad to me.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I had a feeling it was her brain cancer causing her to act this way since you said she used to didn't be this way. I'm glad she apologized to you at least. I hope the MRI will turn out well and let her know what's going on. Please keep us posted. Kathy.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Thanks Kathy, will do.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
23 Mar 10
I am sorry the visit turned out like that specially as she is sick It could be that she is getting worse, sounds like she is trying to push the People away that love her and that she loves You know that with some People they do this out of fear I hope you 2 have spoken about it since Jo Hugs
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Hey Gabs, Yes we have spoken quite a few times since then & it hasn't been mentioned nor will it be by me. She is to have a mri a week from today. I just hope she doesn't get a bad report.Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
23 Mar 10
Jo I am so glad that you have spoken and that it is in the past I will keep her in my thoughts please let me know how she does
1 person likes this
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
your friend seem dont care about what you feel when she stayed on your house, she dont even appreciate what you do to her. yearly in our house we always had a visitor, they will sleep in our house for a week and seems that they dont wanna go home. it is fine with me if they are helping in our household chores but they never help. and in expenses they even dont buy a food.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
19 Mar 10
I have decided houseguests aren't the thing to have. It is very expensive to have them because u want to fix them good things. I have never seen her act like this. I'm going to try & blame it on her illness. Thanks for your response. Happy weekend.
• United States
19 Mar 10
oh wow..sorry to hear that. my uncle had brain cancer among other things,and his personality did change a bit. not this radically,but then it wasn't long before he went terminal. my other uncle on the other hand-he was the worst houseguest.we took him in for awhile,and he managed to put everyone in the house at odds with each other.nothing was wrong with him tho,he was/is just a jerk.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
19 Mar 10
Oh my, sounds like u had a time w/the uncles. I only have one & he has a daughter to look after him, thank heavens. He's not easy to get along w/either. Thanks for responding. Hope u have a happy weekend.