focus on the behavior, not the person

@jobmoone (442)

Philippines

March 25, 2010 11:19am CST

if she turn on the tv too loud, don't say "your so inconsiderate!" say, "I'm bothered by the loud noise."

1 person likes this

4 responses

•

25 Mar 10

Definitely good advice. I bet there is much less conflict between people when you use this method. "You" sounds quite accusatory and would probably provoke a negative reaction.

@roughneckjon (175)

• United States

25 Mar 10

My thoughts exactly. :)

@cobrateacher (8432)

• United States

29 Mar 10

Good advice, Jobmoone!

@cowboyofhell (3063)

• Philippines

27 Mar 10

I'm disgusted with my laziness, I'm not mad of myself.

@roughneckjon (175)

• United States

25 Mar 10

This reminds me of another thing my psychology instructor was talking about this last term. We all need to learn to use "I" instead of "You". It creates way too much negativity when directing it at the person! Directing it at the behavior may help fix it more easily. :D