Dominating people

@sallyj (1228)
United States
April 21, 2010 4:34am CST
I try to be easy going but it seems as if I am being beat down by others. My hubby is very dominating and mean mouth, what do you do to snap out of this kind of depression.
1 person likes this
7 responses
• Hong Kong
21 Apr 10
Try to remain calm in the face of a dominating person or a situation which is threatening to flare up into a full fledged battle of wits. They will try to put you down and may even go all out to publicly humiliate you. Handle the situation with care: and in this case, the word "care" mostly means....do not react. At the same time, do not show you are being intimidated. Insults will be hurled freely at you, and under unpredictable circumstances. Do not be provoked. Be firm and calm, yet show your superior personality by not losing your dignity, self-esteem and balance. Remind yourself that you are dealing with a totally irrational human being who is out to get you. If you play into the hands of an aggressive-dominating type, you will be harming yourself and relations with people whom you actually love, for these people try to hit out where it hurts the most. Say affirmative things to yourself, and always stay alert when you sense that the conversation is going the wrong way. Take control of dominating people by remaining in control of yourself.
1 person likes this
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Thank you. I will keep telling myself (and only to me) I am a good, loving person and you're anger will not change me. Again-Thank you
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
21 Apr 10
SIT him down & tell him how u feek & give him a chance to change. I would not live like that if i was u. My ex was that way & along w/his drinking is why he's my ex. More than likely he want change but at least u know u did what u could. life is too short to live w.am azzhole.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
23 Apr 10
Thank you. He does not drink, but i find most of his hostility is after he sees his mother. It takes several days for him to return to a modestly decent person and he has been seeing her several times a week. There is no changing her!!!!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
23 Apr 10
People do not change much after they are grown especially mother's. If he takes out fis frustrations on u from his mom he should change that. Maybe he's alot like his mom. I'm sure he wouldn't want to admit that.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
25 Apr 10
Yes he is alot like her. He shows little affection. We do not speak of what our family is dealing with to her. I have put him through alot though. Today i had a tooth pulled, that i broke off to the gum last saturday. He took me,as i do not drive much any more. Unlike most of my dentist trips, it went real well. Got inside, numbed and all pieces removed in about 1/2 hour. When i went to leave, he sat there and said they'll call you back in soon. No i am done. He got a big, big releif look on his face. He did say it is usually easier to be the one worked on, than the one waiting. I guess i get depressed and am so glad for people like you and most everyone on this group. Thank you
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
21 Apr 10
I am sorr y to read what you have written.Is your hubby a good man otherwise and does he shoot his mouth even when you are quiet and meek? Do you have a job or are youa housewife?Is it a love or arranged marriage? Why does he behave like this?Was he always like this?
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
21 Apr 10
WOW you ask some tough questions. Our lives have changed a lot in the last few years. He retired because of age. I retired (disability) because i have RA and have physical problems. We both worked. Seldom on the same shift. He had time for himself and I had my time. Then a short time together. Now we see each other all day every day.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
22 Apr 10
Thank you very much for the BR.I didn't even realise I was asking tough questions . Hope you sorted out your problem.But from personal experience[I a m a middle aged lady married for 31 years] I would like to share a small thing. No expectations or demands from a partner makes our husbands less agrressive.We need to give plenty of personal space and occupy ourselves with our own work after doing our duty rather than look for any company in our concepts of fun .THis is how I maintain peace and harmony with in my household].My husband started staying at home at the age of 37 be ccause his office was at home itself and we learnt to give plenty of personal space and would go about our own busines individually without intruding on one another.Try this , you will find your bonding becomes stronger.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
23 Apr 10
Yes, as i said some where that we both retired a couple of years ago, after working 30+ years on opposite shifts. We were at home alot. Everyone knew who and when we were home. He did his thing, I mine. Now we have overlaps. I do not drive much now and i used to go by myself all over the tristate. I feel as though i am a burden to him and him to me. Maybe i need to go more, now the weather is better. Thank you
• United States
21 Apr 10
Hi Sallyj, I hear you. My dad was just like your husband. I grew up with it, I was so happy when I graduated and moved out. In fact because of it I moved into a bad marriage that ended in divorce. I just so wanted out of the house! I never worked until after I got married, he wouldn't let me. He was the same way with my mother and her response was always "well, he has never hit me", and it was true, it was all verbal, but so much meanness. How to move out of your depression and to end the 'abuse', I don't have an answer for you. My daughter has Lupus, and that is a depression all its own. Can you do something outside the home? she is serving senior meals at the service center and I think it is good for her. Do you live where there are things that you can get involved in? IF you like kids they always need volunteers at the local elementary school. Do you attend church, can you talk to your pastor? Maybe find soemthing to get involved in at church or even start your own Bible Study group. My mom found her release through our church. But my dad was very verbally negative about it but she went anyway. May God bless you.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
23 Apr 10
No i do not belong to a church. I know money bothers him, his mother is nasty and he feels an obligation to her, even though she angers him so bad. He used to see her about once a month, now it is two to three times a week, so the days it takes to settle down from her, he is right back to the annoying lady(won't call her names).
• United States
23 Apr 10
Is your husband aware of how much his mother upsets him to the point that it is a disruption to the two of you? Are you able to talk to him about this? With my dad there was no talking, he did what he wanted. My husband is very quiet and noncommunicative. When my dad was alive they were almost 'best buds' but I could see my dad wearing off on him and him picking up his attitudes and one day I confronted him about it and it really helped.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
25 Apr 10
He is aware of it. He often talks to his son about it (he had twin boys before we met). They both agree and that helps some. The daughter-in-laws don't understand why their husbands do not wish to visit her. She has three daughters and they do no wrong. Their children are seldom wrong, while our boys are seldom right. I think she enjoys irritating him.
@xasasa (323)
• United States
21 Apr 10
I think that you will first need to value yourself and know that you deserve to be treated with respect. Then you need to tell your husband that you expect to be treated with respect and that you will tolerate being treated like a second class citizen. I would also inform him that if you are being disrespected you will remove yourself from that environment even if it is just you leaving the room. I would suggest that you look into counseling. Good Luck! And I hope you are able to realize how important you are!
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
23 Apr 10
I think it might help. Thank you
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
The key here is being confident. Being confident means that no matter how much they put you down, you know that you are NOT worthless.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Thank you, I guess i have been feeling a little low lately.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
The best way to deal with dominating people is to prove them wrong. You don't have to be aggressive too. Just state your point that proves him wrong. This almost always works with anyone.
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Thank you. I really appreciate your answers. I will try to be more silent.