Im having a relationship with a man 20 years my senior. Is it ok?

May 29, 2010 7:18am CST
How do I see myself in the next 10 to 20 years if I'm still with him? If I'm 24 and he's 44 he'll be 54 when I reach the prime of my life at the age of 34. Physiological concerns such as this is one thing to consider. When I'm having the time of my life at 30 my partner will be in his 50's and he'll be at home sleeping because he is too tired to go with me and listen to loud music or maybe too cautious to travel the world because his joints ache at 60. What are other things I need to prepare myself with?
18 responses
@lealuvy2j (1989)
• Philippines
29 May 10
May I ask how old are you now? The reason why I asked this is because if you are below 18 that would be a felony if he is 20 years older than you but if you are older than 18, It would be okay and I would not make such a big deal about it if you really love him. However, you would have to accept all the disadvantages of being with an older man because it was your decision to stay in the relationship anyway. Try not to compare him too much with people in your age group because the mindset between generations are a lot a different than what most people think.
• Philippines
30 May 10
Come to think of it what if you're an older guys' midlife crisis? but you're serious about him. that could be a dilemma there.
@mspitot (3834)
• Philippines
31 May 10
i don't see anything wrong with that as long as you love each other. when you have children, i think he'll find ways to make you and your family happy even if he's older than you.
@abitcurious (1423)
• Philippines
30 May 10
YOu are not a minor right? because that would be wrong. really really wrong. If you're not then I guess it will depend what you're looking for a relationship? Have you been with him long? I think there's no use obsessing about the age difference if you really like the guy and you both treat each other well. You will never know what future lays ahead. Who knows in five days you'll experience something that will change your life entirely. OR you just might love being with him after all. I guess what I'm trying to say is you should focus more on the present and not the future. Only time will tell if you're relationship will last that long and that will depend on how you are handling your relationship right now. His joints might be achy by the time he's 60 you are right about that, but who knows by that time you will also have crows feet or laugh lines. Aging also affects young people you know.
@dav20b (508)
• United States
30 May 10
hmm well its better to have some one that is older than you that you love and makes you feel alive then to have some one that is your age that treats you like crap.Also about him not being able to do stuff when he is old that depends on how heathly he is and if he works out a lot then he can still do stuff like a 20 year old when he is 50.since my father is in his 50's and can do more than most 20 year old but he works out a lot and has the strength of 3 young men.witch is kind of funny when he can lift stuff that most can't and has more energy then most.
@meirhu (367)
• Israel
30 May 10
If it's a polyamorous relationship then I think it's OK. The mother of my young children is 22 years younger than me. When she fell in love with a younger man it was OK. She was always free to add additional lovers as she wanted.
@qianyun6 (2069)
• China
30 May 10
Just go with your heart. According to what you said, you have too many misgivings about your future. You should ask your heart whether you can contain all these, if not, you'd better end this love.
@kharlav (1673)
• Philippines
30 May 10
Its okay, as long as you love one another and you're not a minor that's what matters. It will be weird though because it is not yet common to the society, gossip about your relationship will be expected, but be firm and be strong, love knows no boundaries, it never cease. I dont think he will be too tired to go with you if he is already 50, usually men get tired easily when they are 60+ years old and if they would be physically fit and always exercise then they'll be active maybe until 70 years old or more. I think the only answer to that problem is good health, good food and exercise so that he will not easily get weak and have joint pain early.
@monkeylong (3147)
• Guangzhou, China
30 May 10
As far as I am concerned, I think it is OK for you to have a relastionship with a man 20 years your senior. Though it may be some difficult for others to accept this fact. But in actually , it is truth. So just try your best to keeo a good relationship with you two. Do not let the trouble disturb your happpy life together.
• Philippines
30 May 10
That's fine for as long as you love each other.
• Malaysia
30 May 10
you need to prepare yourself with a lot of things now... first, you really have to be comfortable with the difference of expectations between the both of you. what you want out of the relationship may be different from him. the amount of energy and attention that the both of you may be different too. and not to say the general expectations of both of your families.. if you have prepared yourself to face all that, then i do wish the both of you the happiest times ever.. but if you haven't thought about it yet, please please for your own sake, take a step back and just think about it for a bit
@charylady (424)
• Philippines
30 May 10
i think if you really love the man (and i mean really love) then it should not matter. but since you seem to be having doubts then you should really think long and hard about this relationship. you are aware of what the future may hold, so are you sure you are up to all that? i have a question of you don't mind - is this man unattached? because if he is not then my answer would be a definite no it's not ok.
• Australia
29 May 10
Well.....how much do you really love the guy? I mean, you state that you'll be having the time of your life when you're 30.....well if you really see yourself with this guy then you wouldn't even be worried about things like that. If u really love him you should be there to comfort him when he's tired after work. I mean, it's definitely ok to have a relationship with a man 20 years your senior (depending on your own age......), however all that matters is how comfortable you feel with the guy yourself, and how much you love him.
• United States
29 May 10
If you want to be with him, be with him. It is okay... Make your self happy and dont worry about what other people think or say. On the other hand if you want to be young and would rather have somebody that will want to do fun things with you, you two should split up.
@rosie230 (1674)
29 May 10
Hi Friend, and welcome to MY LOT! No there is nothing wrong with it at all.... my other half is going to 49 next month, and I am 30.... I am very much in love with him, and our age does not come into our relationship at all... we also have a beautiful little boy together, and he is our world... age is no longer a big thing in a relationship... and you may find if he is anything like my boyfriend... well when he reaches 50, he may still be young at heart and want to go out still... not all men over that age want to sit indoors relaxing cos they are tired...
• Indonesia
29 May 10
that is love....illogical. and that age-difference stuff is just a matter of numbers. if you do love him, why not? you can't lie to yourself. you don't even know how the future condition will be. i understand your fear. but what if he's more healthy than you are at his 50 while you're 30? no one can tell...
@juggerogre (1659)
• Philippines
29 May 10
Well if you really love him then there's nothing wrong with it. So you better be ready to all the scenarios that you have mentioned. But I think there are lots of men at 50s that are still strong and some are stronger than those half their age. So just make sure he's fit.
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
29 May 10
yeah the kids will be an issue sooner or later. if you want kids he might not want to because of his age. the only thing i have say about people dating someone that much older then them, no matter if its the guy or gal who's older. sooner or later the older person will start acting like their father or mother. and for me i couldnt date someone who's young enough to be my daughter to me that is just wrong.
• United States
29 May 10
Do you want to have kids at all. You want your kids father to be able to run,jump and play with your kids. Not rock them on his lap in a rocking chair. I think at 50 even 54 he will be able to do all the things he does now. I feel at 60 he is going to be looking for something else in his life. I would not be in this position at all. Think of all the time you will be by his side rolling him down the street if he needs a wheel chair. That is just too many years apart for me.