Grrrr at my hubby's ex!
By Bella75
@nixxi76 (3191)
Canada
May 31, 2010 10:11am CST
If it's not one thing it's another with hubby's exwife! We weren't allowed to see his two kids for over three years because of her not accepting my relationship with hubby. Like get over it already!! During December last year my hubby finally took the loser to court and got to see his children who are 11 and 9 now. He's missed out on three years of their lives together. So since christmas, he's been able to see them on the weekend and they come over every second weekend. We live pretty far from them and she wasn't willing to meet us halfway just to save time and gas for the vehicle.
He had court today and now the judge decides that the decision of the meeting point is in her hands. I'm so ticked off right now that I don't know what to do!!! She's going to make him go all the way to her house to pick up the kids I just know it and she already made that comment that she will only try to be reasonable sometimes. I highly doubt it.
Now hubby has asked me to go for a ride with him to pick them up but honestly I want nothing to do with it. I'm tired of having to put up with his baggage which has been nothing but trouble our whole relationship for seven years!
I have a child with another man as well but he's at least civil and has NEVER EVER caused this much trouble in my relationships. If anything he's willing to help out and fix things for me.
Right now I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs!!
How would you handle this?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@chickabee (119)
• United States
5 Jun 10
I hesitate to do this because you will not like it. Thirty-two years ago I was in your exact position, EXCEPT I married him and we didn't shack up as Dr. Laura says. I had two young kids and so did my husband. His ex-wife hated me even though I did not even know him until after he was divorced. BTW, were you the cause of their break-up? Just asking, because, if so, that might explain her actions. At any rate, to her you are an interloper. If you are going to share in this man's life you owe it to yourself, him, and the kids involved to make your relationship a legal one. You do not have a leg to stand on just living together. It also sets a bad example for the kids. To this day I regret my selfish thoughts and words of three decades ago. You would do well to stay as far away from this situation as you can. This is strictly between your boyfriend and his ex. Even if you were married it is still between them. UNLESS she agreed to let you adopt the children and only then would you have a say-so in what goes on.
My advice is to keep quiet and back away. If you stay together, years down the road you will look back and be glad you did. This too shall pass, the kids will grow up and they will always remember who acted like a responsible adult in this situation. How do you want to be remembered? If this man does not want to marry you, you should not live with him until he does.
1 person likes this
@chickabee (119)
• United States
2 Jul 10
Hi lilybug - Actually, I read very closely as I always do when I think I may say something that will offend someone. I try to get my facts straight. If you will go back and look at nixxi's second post and go to the second paragraph you will read where she states that she is, in fact, NOT married to him. She says it just makes it easier to say she is.
Thanks though and have a good weekend.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
2 Jul 10
I kind of have the opposite problem. From day one my ex's current wife has not wanted him around my son. He goes months at a time without seeing him. I remember once when they first got married she called him while he was at the house visiting my son( he stopped by for a few minutes on his way back from somewhere) and she went off on him for being in my house. He did not even call my son for 3 months after that phone call and any time she called him after that and I was around he refused to answer the phone.
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@chickabee (119)
• United States
2 Jul 10
Hi again lilybug - I am not sure of my facts in this case, so I will just ask you. Is your son also his son? The reason I ask is you don't mention your son visiting your ex at his house. However, whether or not he is his biological child or not, he did live with him and in all probability your son was attached to him and feels abandoned by his father. You ex should absolutely never have done this to your son. What a horrible way to treat a child. My heart goes out to your son and to you for having to try to take up the slack for your ex's absence in your son's life.
What so many people don't realize today is who are really the vistim's in all these divorces takig place. Of course, it is the children. So many can't wait until their kids grow up so they will be out of their hair. I was guilty of that at one time myself and that is why I know. I want so badly to go back and have my kids ittle again. I would do a much better job this time around. I would cherish having them, knowing how quickly they do grow up.
Your ex needs a wake-up call and so does his current wife. Her problem is simple jealousy and his is that he is a hen-pecked coward. He needs to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that he intends to have a relationship with his son and she can darn-well butt out of the situation. It is none of her business and that is, in essence, what I told nixxi. The kids come first no matter what or how. Period!
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
5 Jul 10
Hello lilybug
I think your exhubby has to find a way to please everyone in your situation and this includes you, your son and his wife. I know it's very difficult to get along but your son needs to feel people around him being civil for his sake. You ex needs to help his wife with her insecurities in order to maintain a relationship with his son. It would help everyone's situation in a better way. It's really a shame how his wife has him manipulated and it sounds like she doesn't have children at all to even understand your son's feelings. But perhaps your ex can work on helping her so he can spend more time with his son. It doesn't have to be at your house it can be somewhere else just your son and him. Or maybe meet them at a McDonalds with you there at first and him. Then slowly let his wife meet him too. Your son has rights to see his dad too and he's going to want to.
I really truely hope this works out for you lilybug and it must be super hard to be in that situation.. sorry to hear that.
Take care
@laglen (19759)
• United States
31 May 10
ha I am handling it. Ignore her and her bad behavior and support your husband to the fullest. When you married him, you married his baggage.
I understand your frustration, but keep in mind it is the kids that are paying for the adults behaving badly.
In my situation, I divorced 11 years ago. For nine years, we got along great, and parented together, I NEVER once asked him to "fix" something for me. I only ask that he be a father,.
About two years ago, he hooks up with this crazy chick and now he wont speak to me, wont pay child support and tells our daughter all about it. He also told her she could a tattoo or her lip peirced if I said ok. He has always known my opinion on this and only did it to play games. I told her she could when she turns 18. I told her again she could when she is 18. The games are ridiculous and so I ignore him. I tell my daughter to ignore it, it is just adults behaving badly and really has nothing to do with her. We both love her and that is what matters!
Try your best to shelter the kids from the crap! just 7 more years for you! 2 for me!
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
31 May 10
I'm glad you understand my frustration because I don't know what to do with myself right now! I hope bad karma spends some time with her now. She knows damn well that she's not going to try and be reasonable. I can't go with hubby and pick those kids up and look at her smug face because it's going to take a lot to hold myself back from getting out of the vehicle and smacking her ugly face in.
It takes one hour to drive to the city where they live and another 45 minutes to get to where they live into the city so that's going to cut into the time he has with them.
I seriously don't want anything to do with this nonsense. I'm actually not married to him I just call him my hubby because it's easier lol.
I know it's only seven more years to go with this but that's a loooong time when it comes down to it.
Thanks for your advice,
happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
31 May 10
your very welcome, chin up. We women are strong and will go to the ends of the earth for the RIGHT man! Maybe sit this trip out for the sake of peace.... Think of how you feel then imagine how your hubby does.... I bet awful. I saw another discussion you posted about your son, you sound like a good mother that deeply cares about your sons well being and future. I bet your husband feels the same way but men just dont show it like we do!
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@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
4 Jun 10
i would just keep in mind the kids aren't too far to 18,when they can choose on their own.it sucks,but otherwise all you can do is contest it.
some ex's seem to go out of their way to make the other person's life miserable.
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