relatives who use to be close but not anymore

United States
July 11, 2010 9:16pm CST
so i was close to my cousins when we were younger. when we went to school things changed. they acted like they didnt know me. when we graduated he congratulated me. which was nice. but then i saw him in a town 1 hour away from were we were from and we talked for a few minutes and huged. it felt nice. he almost died a few months ago of a heart attack at a young age. he did survive the surgery and has a baby girl on the way. i try to keep in touch and talk with them but no response back. i know he is a good person. i just feel like i should at least get a hi or something. his dad remarried who is my uncle. his step mom is crazy. i found my cousins from his new marriage and try to talk with them. its like there snoots to good to talk to me. but i see her all the time at stewarts. she is very nice and says hi. at one time i dont think she realizes im her cousin. but i did talke to her once. well its nice to see them but am i asking to much. i befriended them on social networks and they accepted but no comments or anything. i email but again no reponses. what am i doing wrong? thanks. all advise is good.
6 responses
• United States
12 Jul 10
Sometimes the only thing you can do is let your family know that you love them and that you are there for them. You can only extend yourself so far, at some point you must back off and let them make the next move. On special occasions please make sure to contact them but outside let them reach out to you. Still speak when you see them but don't impose yourself on them. This may be painful to hear but know that you have done all you can do at this point.
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
I'm really not sure how to respond to your discussion. I would start by me sharing the kind of relationship I have with my cousins. We were not really that close when we were young because they are living far from us in a different town. When I went to College I studied in the city and lived with them for a while. That's when we started to be closer. We were all girls. The other one is of the same age as me and her sister is younger by one year. The three of us were really close to each other and we talk about everything- love life, school, friends, personal problems, dreams, etc. We also go to parties together and we were so inseparable. However, I moved to another town because of my job. I am now oceans and miles and miles away from them. We still communicate through emails, chats, phone calls and text messages and nothing has changed. We are still tightly bonded. I am not sure why your cousins suddenly started acting that way specially if you were really close to each other. Maybe something happened along the way which caused them to treat you that way. I'm not saying that you did something they did not like or bad. What I'm saying is that maybe they are in a situation you are not aware of that's causing them to act that way. You will never know. Have you tried inviting them to a party or occasion? I think you should and then maybe you can start bonding again. Have a nice day!
@celticeagle (114326)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Jul 10
Invite them to go do something next time you see one of them. Or you could ask them straight out. If they don't return your emails maybe you aren't sending it to a major one. Maybe they get so many emails on that one they just delete. Have a party and invite them over. Invite them out to lunch. If they just continue to ignore you then I would just right them off. I sure wouldn't push too far and get nothing. Life goes on.
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You keep on building the communication and that is great. You think of them and treat them as your own family and even if you didn't get back what you expected in return, I am sure it will not be your lost. People do change in character and behavior and sometimes we might not understand the reasons why even if we didn't do anything wrong towards them. Sometimes people do distance if they see you are improving or if they see you successful in career or so. They tend to limit the conversation and treat you cold. I happen to experience that with my first degree cousins. But anyway just greet them still if you happen to bump each other on the road. It's a small world after all and just treat them the same way like you treat them before.
@jamed28 (1910)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
Separation in anyway can lead into unbinding in relationship. People do change. Mainly because you have different views in life. Even you are relatives, once you separate and have different life, you'll tend to develop a gap in space and time. If I were you, I'll try having some time with your relatives.
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
12 Jul 10
You're not doing anything wrong...they are. You seem like a very nice, caring person but you can't make others be something they are not. I have some family members like that, too, and I just had to accept the fact that we grew apart and that's how it is. I concentrate on the people who are a part of my life and let those who chose a different path live their lives. It's no reflection on you so don't put the burden on yourself.