Being a Young Mom
July 15, 2010 11:40pm CST
I got pregnant at the age of 19. When I found out, I didn't know what to do. I was starting to panic and started thinking about riddiculous things. But I started to get a grip of myself and finally decided to tell my parents about it. Well, it wasn't a good timing since my mother was very ill that time and I feel like I'm making things worse for her. To make the long story short, I got married and started living my life with my own family. A month before I gave birth, my mother died, I thought I won't be able to handle it. I feel that it's crucial that my mom is there for me because I don't know what I'm suppose to do. My mother-in-law treats me as her own, but I still find it awkward to open up things with her. I now have two kids and until now I still feel like I needed someone whom I can count on when it comes to being a mother, although I know my husband and his family is very supportive.. What's wrong?? What do you think I should do??
1 person likes this
16 Jul 10
aahh thats sad..i cant imagine my self being like that ...mababaliw ako.. I am living with my husband but you know ..and i can see the difference between mother-in-law and my real-mother..I can be my self when im with my true mama it a happy feeling. I just hope you can cope with it.
18 Jul 10
There is nothing wrong with how you feel, Angel. It's just that you may still be reaching out to your mom. Grief is a heavy load to carry and sometimes, hard to overcome. Give yourself time to cry for your loss. I learned that crying with somebody is better than crying alone. If you feel uneasy pouring it all out in front of your husband and in-laws, do it with your bestfriend. There is a chance that such a release will help in your healing process. It is alright to miss your mom. The relationship between a mother and her child is a very strong and tight bond. Most would consider it incomparable to any that we have on earth. Go ahead and talk to her. Ask her questions that you would have asked if she was around. Show her pictures to your little ones and tell them stories of her great love for you. Do things that will make you feel good. And maybe, when you're starting to feel better, you'll be ready to open up with your mother-in-law. Your mother-in-law will never be a replacement for your mom but she may somehow help in filling that certain void in your heart. Don't rush yourself. Do it little by little. Take tiny steps. In time, you will notice that you have created a special relationship with your mom-in-law. Good luck to you, Angel.
• United States
17 Jul 10
Although it would be wonderful to have your mother there for you, sadly she is not. Parenting does not come with a manual so you will learn along with the baby. Everyday that you go to bed, forget about being exhausted, I am talking about everyday you go to bed at peace that you have done the best you could, then that is when you know you have done the best job a mother can do. I too was a very young mother,oh and still am. Now in my early forties, I have a twenty six year daughter and a twenty four year old son. I did not have a mother there to help and had to learn as I went. Both my kids are college graduates and I raised them by myself. We have a wonderful relationship where they entrust me with all their daily happenings, yet respect me for all I have done. Good luck to you, as from your question you are going to be a great mom. Asking is part of the learning. Before I go, consistency is a must!
16 Jul 10
Well, as you said you have come to grips with reality and that you need to move on with your life. You mom has passed away and you have your mother-in-law who loves you now. Count yourself lucky for this because not all daughters-in-law are in that situation. Usually there is always a problem with in-laws but in your case you seem to be doing well with her, so just reciprocate what she does to you, that's all.
16 Jul 10
Hello angel_21. Although you may feel that you have been dealt a curve ball in life, I still think that in some sort of measure, you are still luckier than most. I've known people where their lives just spiraled down after going through something similar to yours. If the mother-in-law and the rest of the family are supportive, take a step forward and open yourself up to them. It may take a while, and it may not take the place of your mother, but I'm sure you'll grow to appreciate all their support. Goodluck!
16 Jul 10
Hi Lady... Please don't panic... Take a deep breathe... Relax!!! play with your kids and don't let the negative thoughts run through you... Think of your mom, when you feel lonely... And think what would she have said to you then... I am sure your Mom wouldn't approve what you're going through... She would be saddened to know about it... So don't let that happen... Be confident!! Take the control... And feel better... :) Good Luck!
16 Jul 10
being a young mom is not easy..at that aged you still enjoying during your adolescence time, but because of your situation, you got married early..the lost of your mother it does'nt mean that your are alone already and nobody to support you and comfort you..missing of each other company is very normal..thats part of our life, some come and goes..you still lucky to have a good step mother and a loving husband with your 2 kids..you have already your family..get your strength to your kids and never surrender for all the trials and problem you ahve encounter..all you want to do is always pray and ask for guidance from above..God Bless
16 Jul 10
Sometimes, we don't realize how valuable a person is until we lost him or her. You are lucky to have a good mother-in-law. Maybe God gave her to you in time. He did not let you down. Although no one can replace the space left by your mother in your heart, you can move on by sharing your love to your mother-in-law, your husband, and your children. This is a lesson for us to be more loving to the people around us.
16 Jul 10
Your in laws seem fine and that alone is one of most miraculous thing to have in life. Perhaps to be able to open up means you need to own up to your mother in law that you feel akward to open up to her. Be honest and people will appreciate it very much. Your mom in law is probably waiting for you to say this because maybe she thought that if she begins 'intruding' before your 'signal', you would not like it. Get to know each other because when we know one another well, we would not be afraid to speak out. In that way your mom in law will know when to not intrude. Your mother has passed on and you need to move on. Getting on well with the in laws is one of the best things you can do. It will built a strong bond in your marriage too. You are so blessed I am envious!!