What's first: "Marriage or Baby?"

Philippines
July 17, 2010 12:02am CST
In these times we all know that a lot of people in a relationship ending in having a baby, no age limit, even high schools, or whatever state it is. Are we still on to our culture of marriage first before anything else? Or worried that they also might get separated after it? So some are contented of just being together with their baby and no clear plans when to get tied up. Some parent says that once you got a baby you need to get married. But some says that having a baby doesn't mean you need to get married. Ah, it's quite hard..
9 people like this
52 responses
@smiley83 (1536)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 10
well, personally I would prefer to go for a marriage.. I broke up with my ex simply he doesn't wanna get married! he wants an open relationship and that is not what I really want! I want a stable family upon which we can have a baby but not the other way around...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
You know the reason why he don't want to?? Sorry to hear that, maybe there's someone else better. Everyone wants a stable family, and those who are not, still wants to do something. They might regret it in time..
1 person likes this
@smiley83 (1536)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 10
he told me that he wanna an open relation..probably he doesn't want to take the responsibility or I don't exactly know... I don't anything about him lately as I don't wanna get in touch..still hurt so deeply and the pain is slightly new as he was my first love...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
Hmm, How lucky is that supposedly, your first love and you also want him to be the last..wow..with the girl like you,,you really need someone who deserved that love. Hope you can get over it..It's okay, we all gets hurt coz it means we know how to really love..right?
1 person likes this
• China
18 Jul 10
Marriage first then baby. When a person marriage then she become mature and can understand one family's necessary or situation though exception is happen. So i believe at first people should marriage then take a baby. This is also my culture.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 10
you say that, but if you were in a situation and didn't know your baby's daddy. It was just some thing that just happened or if you were raped and had a babby with out being married how can you say that that's how it's supposed to be. I was raised the same way you believe, and ended up having a baby before marriage. I'm not even married yet. The men have not met potential and its always BS with them and drama. None of them are ready to settle down. And although I have been part of the problem is they tell you that they are then in a few they are ready to cut you off becuase they've had enough or don't want you any more. The men today don't have a lot respect and so for those of us looking to settle down, a man believes he can have his fun with out getting married now, so its almost like what's the point.
@rahulx1 (297)
• India
17 Jul 10
afcose marriage 1st if you live in india you need to marry 1st if you didnt marry and make you gf pregnant than you will go in deep trouble because indian law says if you did that than you will be in jail to rape that girl :D this thing will cald rape here even if girl was ready to sleep with you so marriage 1st its good for baby also he will feel good when he become big
1 person likes this
@ET28LV (1895)
• Latvia
17 Jul 10
Indian national always was interesting with they culture. In my country many teenagers would sit in jail with this law. Also I have heard about... Kid parents choose other kid and then they say when they grew up they need to marry with choosen people. I do not know If this is true, but It is interesting. Take care, Have a nice day!
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
i'm still pretty old school and for me getting married should be first after all a marriage is the contract between you and your partner and the baby is the lifelong investment :D if you have the baby first, your partner could opt to back out because they don't really have any contract with you in the eyes of men and god
1 person likes this
@smiley83 (1536)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 10
I very much agree with you! marriage is the contract between the two... if there is no contact, the responsibility is over and no one could accuse any of you simply coz there is no marriage! it is just a relationship! besides, the situation gets worse if there is a child coming up! who is gonna take care of the child and holds the responsibility if the parents are not married and each one might be putting the blame on the other!
2 people like this
17 Jul 10
I think first is trust lover, then a professional firm, marriage and baby. Because we really love to share new lives together everyone happy on this life size. A professional firm will help feed our shelters.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
You have a point, that's why a lot of people don't get married easily because they want to established first the stable life they can share with. This is also the view of those who are practical.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118255)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jul 10
It depends. If you are young you need to marry and do it right. Although kids today don't seem to see it that way. A child coming into the world needs both parents on board for the long haul. This seems to be a nearly rare thing now days. A kid deserves to have nurturing from two responsible people or there should not be a conception at all.
@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
18 Jul 10
To spare you the confusion, get married first before having a baby. So what if the Philippines is the only country that takes marriage seriously? I'm proud of that. Ever wonder why the world is turning into a hell on earth? Because people don't value morals anymore. If you don't have the guts of tying the knot to one person forever, then you are not mature enough to become a parent.
1 person likes this
@pastigger (618)
• United States
17 Jul 10
I think so many people these days are all about what is in it for me and if you can't give me what I want you can leave. It is sad because the ones who suffer are the children. I am in the US adn it is just getting crazy. I really think you should marry before having children. I have been married since 19 and when I got married everyone thought it was becasue I was pregnant. But that was not the case at all, we loved each other and wanted to get married. We are still married and at 28 we had our first child. We have had troubles in our marriage but instead of just giving up we work on it. Marriage is not always easy and I think that is why a lot of people don't do it. They just want the easy way out. We need to learn to be a couple again and work as a team and not against each other. It should not be me against women we need to work together and be a real family unit. It gives children a more stable life. I am just tired of you should do everything for me because I am a woman, I can be cranky or anyway I want and you should accept it. Or you can't tell me that is a womans job. I am a proud wife and mother and I did it in that order.
1 person likes this
17 Jul 10
I believe that marriage is sacred and it should be the first priority before having a baby. Of course we need to plan everything before decide. Other people I know, because of health disorder, they chose to have baby first to make sure that they won't end up into nothing when they get married.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
17 Jul 10
I would prefer marriage first and then baby. I have been married for 2 years now and iam enjoying married life. By December we shall plan for a baby.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
Who doesn't want to get married after all? I'm not old-school and I'm not into making baby first either. For me, whatever relationship status you have, whenever you have baby, need to got marriage or want to stay living-in, the most important is that you love each other honestly and truthfully. ;)
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
17 Jul 10
I think it's more rational to marry first, so our baby life can be guaranteed, not economically, but emotionally :)
1 person likes this
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
17 Jul 10
for guarantee children's rights will be protected in law, preferably before getting a child, you should get married first. Getting a child before marriage, in the end will only hurt you and the child, because it could be a child will only have a civil legal relationship with the mother, has no civil relationship with the father so that someday soon, it will be difficult to hold accountable the Father
1 person likes this
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
18 Jul 10
Marriage comes first.. Getting married in front of 1000 people in a marriage hall , getting blessed by all must be done first in all circumstances.. Having baby comes next.. Here, having a baby before marriage is illegal .. u cannot say he is ur husband and live with a man without getting married to him...It is considered to be a crime ...
@sagar21 (1583)
• India
18 Jul 10
yes..blessing is good.. but spending too much for marriage is really a waste ... and the dowry..such things makes ..marriage a business deal...
1 person likes this
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
18 Jul 10
Spending more money and establishing the marriage is a culture which we do follow in many parts of the country.. If suppose a marriage is taking place, everyone should know the couple is getting married.. Instead of wasting more money in eating in costly restaurants and shopping throughout the year, u could spend more money in entertaining people during your marriage by providing food for the all well wishers..
• United States
21 Jul 10
I think the childhood song of "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage" is how it should be but alas, many people do not think this way. I believe that you should get married and then have a child, there are so many obstacles that people have to deal with when its done in reverse order. I'm not saying its wrong but I think a lot of problems would not exist if people used some common sense about life.
• Philippines
21 Jul 10
Right about that, and married or not as long as you both are good parents its fine, though cultures didn't get to follow as it ordered, have sometime to think of the next step especially if the parents are not ready to be parents then it come unexpectedly right. Need not to rush things for there is someone who will suffer if the people involved will go to another rushed decisions.
• Canada
19 Jul 10
I'm bothered by this discussion. When I came into this world, my mom was a teenager and my dad got married. I had a great childhood, but my mom's life was kind of hard. When my sister got pregnant with my nephew she married too. But my friend has a little girl and she lives common law with her spouse. Neither one of them wants to marry either. She does everything for him and he can't give her the one thing that would make her world more secure. He actually makes threats about not marrying her.
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
Maybe the guy is not ready yet, but the threat of not marrying her I don't think it's right, especially if the girl does everything to make their family happy. Being a father he must be responsible, not just for the girl but for the future of the child.
@juryse (753)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
It's really sad that a lot of young people nowadays are not that responsible when it comes to relationships. They think having a baby is easy at a young age. Ideally, a couple should build a solid relationship based on love for each other and they should be financially, emotionally and spiritually ready when they get into marriage. And then they plan having kids. I'm not saying that those who had kids before marriage are bad because things happen. But if we are to do it the right way then marriage first before kids.
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
Right about that juryse.. On my understanding, does the parent's have lapses here?? Some of the young couple today just get harsh, they think life is that easy, high school students, have a boyfriend or girlfriends then want to experiment something. and the result?? Having a baby at an early age. Then having a family not knowing they are missing half of their life. I'm not blaming the parent's here, just asking if they have lapses. Hope those young parents take care of their offspring's and don't let this happen to them.
@Memnon (2173)
18 Jul 10
I would like to say children after marriage, but often things take an unexpected turn and some guys will run a mile. Realistically, if both parents are committed, a child may have a better chance in life than in some poor marriages- both my parents have divorced twice. This probably caused more trauma- lawyers and so forth, than a break in an unmarried relationship.
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
Thanks for the comments guys, we all have different perception to this topic, but the thing is we really cannot predict what will happen after or what will be the first, for those who want to get married first before having a child, just go, and for those who has a child and not yet married, what's next? Especially if the situation is hard, like you don't know the father of your baby right? But the best thing to do is...Be a good parent, no matter what the situation is. Because some don't have this kinda chance and longed for it.
@sagar21 (1583)
• India
18 Jul 10
ha..ha...your name is so funny... so wpp.I've the same opinion...actually these are part of customs we made... If the people who made those customs...made it the other way...then...now things would be different.. and everyone will think baby is must before marriage.. and to tell there will still be rule breakers around...its human nature.... thanks for the topic..... have a great day/night.....
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
Is it a compliment???
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
13 Mar 11
Now a days most people I know don't bother to get married. I am 53 years old and I can say that at least 90 per cent of the people I know, couples, aren't married to each other and don't plan on getting married. Marriage seems to be very unimportant these days. Living common-law is the same as being married, according to the law. After living together for 6 months the law and government looks at you as married. For example, if you live together and don't file your taxes as commonlaw marriage and you get caught, you are in for a lot of trouble. I know from experience. Believe me, you don't want to fool around with it. The government doesn't take kindly to people that try to hide things like that. And they don't believe you when you tell them you didn't know you had to claim together as married. I didn't but that didn't matter to them. We ended up paying $25,000 in fines and interest and $22,000 in back taxes. Sorry, got a little off the topic there. Most people don't seem to get married anymore and I am single right now but would like to get married again one day, I am a little old fashion that way. Have a good day, your friend Chris