You Never Take Me Anywhere!

August 1, 2010 2:08pm CST
Ok so I’m a bit more careful with my wording than this because I didn’t want to sound like I was whining, but I did just have to have this discussion with my partner! We’ve been together for 8 years and I hardly ever get out because I’m disabled. He’s the driver and I want to go places together to get some quality time with him. I don’t count watching TV together as quality time, but after work, that’s all we seem to do! Money is unfortunately an issue, but there are lots of places we can go to that you don’t need money. Parks and museums for example. I’m hoping we’ll get some day trips together soon. Is this an issue in any one else’s relationship? I think it’s so important to make time for just the two of you together to keep the relationship healthy.
1 person likes this
18 responses
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
1 Aug 10
Partners should always spend quality time together, sweetie. They should always make a point to go out at least once a week and as you have said a park or museum or even the beach if you are close to one is the best places to spend time together. You cannot always sit at home and do boring things together. That tend to make things a bit akward after a while. He should really get his butt in gear and take you places. TATA.
1 person likes this
1 Aug 10
That’s just what I think. I think he’s duly chastised now!
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
1 Aug 10
Should i send my whip, sweetie?
1 person likes this
2 Aug 10
I think that might send him running!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
3 Aug 10
I think it is very important to spend some time together having fun. Me and my b/f don't get to go and do as much as we would like but there are a lot of reasons for that. Money, work, children, and school...we are very busy. We do sometimes just take off without nothing much in mind but going.
1 person likes this
4 Aug 10
Too true. Sometimes you just need to turn off the TV and head out of the house together, no matter where you go!
@derek_a (10902)
2 Aug 10
I guess the problem is in many relationships is that the partners may want different things out of life. We tend to be that way, but compromise. Sharing your feelings is important to get things sorted out. _Derek
1 person likes this
4 Aug 10
He says he wants quality time with me too and we both love each other, so you’re right, it’s about communicating. I think (or at least hope!) things are going to get better, now we’ve aired things.
@Theresaaiza (10485)
• Australia
2 Aug 10
There are times I wanted to get out too like go to the beach or something. Instead, he brings me to his home where all his nieces were really adorable but they're "KIDS!" And KIDS, they can be really noisy, and hyperactive. And while at it, he watched pirated DVDs that I just couldn't appreciate. Either there are heads of the movie watchers poking on the screen or where the view of the movie was totally lopsided. I wonder how he could put up with that!
1 person likes this
4 Aug 10
It sounds like he doesn’t quite understand your definition of quality time! I’m with you on the pirated DVD thing. I couldn’t sit through a poor quality film. It’d be too distracting. Luckily that’s something my Mr. agrees about.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I feel for you, Phaedra. Coz that is exactly how I feel towards my husband. We've been together for 16 yrs now and it is sad to say that after getting married, he has somehow changed. He has more time with this friends. Even to the extent of really, being with them the whole day. I t pains me to think that I am no longer that important to him, but he would always say that money is the issue that's why he refuses to go out. But, just like you, i know places where we could just stroll and just have fun being with each other and not necessarily spend that much.
1 person likes this
4 Aug 10
Have you suggested going to these places with him where you don’t need money? It’s a hard discussion to have, but if you explain how you feel, hopefully he’ll understand. I sympathise, obviously. I hope it’s just a phase and he’ll get it soon.
@ruth98 (106)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
Hello, It's a problem if you and your partner don't have a quality time.. To get out and have some fun is like refilling oxygen in your lungs. It can keep you both happy. Hope you both can work it out. My hubby is very good in that sense that he like to go out and eat out, or just even take a walk to the beach and have a drink or take me places that are nice and fun!!! take care
1 person likes this
4 Aug 10
Last night we went to a lake and sat on a bench there for a while and it was so peaceful and soothing. It was ace! I’m hoping he’s starting to listen!
@simonelee (2718)
• China
2 Aug 10
Hello there. You can also go out for a picnic, right? Prepare foods that you both like and perhaps you can also bring your favorite board game and while your playing you can open up to him your feelings about your status or any issues that made a gap between you and your partner. It is the perfect time to relax and tackle everything.
2 Aug 10
Oh I LOVE the idea of a picnic! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. Probably because of the unpredictable, wet, Welsh weather we get here! We can always picnic on our deck so that if it starts to pour, we can dash inside! What’s it for if not for using? It’s currently the home of recycling bags. It should be appreciated! Thank you!
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I feel so guilty, your discussion reminds me my girlfriend. We've been together for 4 years. I love her so much but spending quality time for each of us is always an issue. Due to my hectic working schedule I can't find time to spent with her even holidays. I knew that understand my situation but I can feel deep inside her that she's misses the times when we go out for a date and the times when we go out of town. :(
1 person likes this
3 Aug 10
Well it’s good that you’re aware of the problem, so don’t feel guilty, just do what you can! Even sitting to a table at home to have a meal together, without the TV on as a distraction, counts as quality time in my book. You don’t have to actually go out!
@deve_annrn (1857)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
yes...quality time together is definitely important to maintain the sparks of a relationship...me and my boyfriend has been together for 4 yrs now...and sometimes i do have the same issues as you have with your boyfriend too...money is definitely an issue with us too... we cannot deny it..it gets boring sometimes..if you stay at home all the time... it's nice to go out sometimes if there is an option where in we don't have to spend a lot... what i usually do..is i tell my boyfriend how i feel about our situation..i want to be honest with him so i always tell him upfront of how i felt...sometimes..., he'll give in but there are times that he's not in the mood and would tell me that i'm like a baby who demands to her daddy things like that... but i would just laugh it off... do you tell your partner how you feel about this?? i think it's better if he knows how you feel so that he will do something about it..=) have a great day...
1 person likes this
3 Aug 10
Money problems are a really strain on relationships sometimes. It’s such a lot of stress to be broke for so many reasons. We just have to try and embrace creativity I suppose! What your boyfriend says about you being like a baby wanting its dad is quite harsh really. I’d be really offended if my Mr. said that to me. It’s good you can laugh it off. It’s not like quality time is an unreasonable request. I hope your boyfriend can be a bit more sensitive to your needs. It’s hard to be diplomatic sometimes when you know it’s a prickly subject. It’s better not to say nothing though. Thanks for your response and you have a nice day too.
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
1 Aug 10
Hi, Phaedra_Scythe. I know what you are talking about. I have been married to my husband for 9 years and we hardly go out like we used to. But at home, he does show me affection. He is so focused on trying to bring some income into outr household so that he can pay the bills on time. I am 31 and I still don't have my driver's license yet. I really want to have it. I can drive really well. I have been driving for 11 years now. My husband takes the car to work and whatever he needs to do. I am mostly at home with our three kids. I am sure that when things gets back onto track, financially, he will spend more quality time with me and our children. When we first met, we used to eat out a lot. We went to the park a lot. I used to be gone all of the time. Even his own mom used to get jealous because we would be gone so much. You see, her husband does not take her to the park or anywhere, just to get some air from being in the house so long. My relationship is nothing like my in-law's relationship. When I notice that I don't spend enough time with my husband, I will bring this concern to him. You can do the same with your husband too. Watch his response. I hope that he can start spending more time with you. No woman does not want to be trapped in the house all of the time.
1 person likes this
3 Aug 10
My Mr. is very affectionate too, so I can’t complain too much, but he doesn’t get that TV time isn’t quality time, even if we’re cuddling, because we’re both focussed on the box! I’m sure kids make it extra tricky to find grown-up time. We don’t have any yet, but I’d really like them. Thanks for your supportive response.
@emarie (5454)
• United States
1 Aug 10
In these hard times I'm sure people can relate, I know I can. We hardly go out and I have kids too and they're getting stir crazy during the summer. The thing about going out on dates and things is that you use gas and it's not cheap. You can still have fun while staying in too. But you should discuss this with your partner and see what you guys and come up with for date nights. You don't have to always go out, if you have a nice rooftop or backyard or balcony you can always do a candle lit dinner or something like that. quality time isn't about the area but about what you're doing with each other. watching tv or a movie with my husband does make me feel like we're spending quality time because if its just the two of us we always cuddle on the floor and we always talk during and afterwords.
1 person likes this
3 Aug 10
You’re totally right of course! Unfortunately my Mr. isn’t very good at creative ideas for things to do. He’s not the spontaneous type. I think I’ll have to do some plotting of ways to subtly suggest some activities. Either that or hammer them home. Sometimes he needs to be organised.
• United States
1 Aug 10
I feel your pain! I have this discussion with my husband all the time. Some things do NOT cost money and I tell him that all the time. He can take me to the park and we can push each other on the swings, we can have a picnic somewhere and bring all our own food, we can go for romantic walks together and we can go to a lake or something. It doesn't always cost a lot of money to have some romance... It drives me crazy sometimes too. I think it's very important to have some time together alone.
3 Aug 10
I think our only option is to pack a picnic basket and tell them they’re going whether they like it or not!
• United States
1 Aug 10
I had a very long relationship with a man and I was married to him for 2 years of that 12 yr or more relationship. He didn't want to spend quality time with me and my 2 boys. It was very difficult to get him to do anything. Activities were limited to out for coffee, out to eat and out to a bar. Sometimes out trail walking. Express how important going out and enjoying life is to your husband and tell him if he won't do fun things with you then you will be looking for a girlfriend to go do those fun activities with. Life is short enjoy it!
3 Aug 10
That’s really sad. It’s so important, especially if you have kids because it’s so important that they have quality time with their parents. You know that of course though. With threatening to get a friend to take me places instead, it’s a bit of a worry that he’d call my bluff! There are some activities that I’m sure he’d like an excuse to get out of! Especially my long trips to the Lush store! Thanks for your response.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
1 Aug 10
It's the same with me and my boyfriend, but he has health problems and this is why we don't go out. I miss my time outside really much. I feel thirst of new hobbies or just hanging out somewhere, to see how other people live. To feel myself as person. I know that my boyfriend wanted to spend this summer with a lot of emotions, but unfortunately he can't go out. He has bad stones in his kidneys and if he makes some steps, he feel very bad pain. This is why i don't say him anything, i don't want him to feel guilty, but i know what are u talking about. May be if u make some plan for your free time, i mean walks, picnic or museum and you share your plans with him, he will want to join you? :) I know that u want to have good moments with him, but may be he will be interested, if he knows that time will be spent with you? :) Hugs and great wishes for future, from me. :)
2 Aug 10
I have health problems too, which is why I need him to take me because he’s my carer as well as my partner. Not an easy gig for him, but he’s a wonderful guy. I’m lucky. I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend’s pain. I hate to hear of anyone suffering like that. It’s hard to live with difficult, long-term health problems. My best wishes to him. I think he wants to have more time with me. It’ll help if we can both give each other a bit of a kick up the bum and get organised.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
1 Aug 10
Yes, it is very important to be able to do things with your partner, like go out...even if it is to a park or museum. Gas money is an issue all the time for me and my family, but we take walks quite often. It's fun to have bbq's, go to potlucks, and get together with the fsmily. I love doingthings like that, and the cost is very little. Spending time together keeps the relationship alive, and healthy :)
1 person likes this
2 Aug 10
I’d love to go for walks with my partner, but unfortunately I’m disabled and my Mr. is a little laaaaazy. Everything costs money. Gas, BBQ food, etc. It’s all so overpriced here. Gah!
@gladeez (63)
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
oh well, maybe that's how life goes. I am with my partner for nearly 11 years and the only place that he'd taken me recently was at the mall to find a new gadget that he is longer to buy. I don't know if all men are like that but just like you, i wanted to go to a place where i can feel his undivided attention. I just want to put all my worries aside for one day and be reminded of the reason why i am with te man that i am today... haizt.....
1 person likes this
2 Aug 10
Sorry to hear that. Maybe we need to brush up on our wheedling skills.
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
1 Aug 10
My mom is like this she always gets mad at my dad because he never takes her anywhere and she wants to go to dances with him and stuff, but he never wants to because he always says that he's tired and wants to go to sleep. Still he now takes my mom to the mall on the weekends so that she wont get so mad at him, but this weekened my dad didn't take my mom to the mall so I don't know what is going to happen here hopely nothing bad though, but it means a lot to my mom that my dad needs to take her to places so that she wont be bored in the house all the time. It's a good thing that my aunts wedding is coming up so that they can have some fun together and just dance the night away and eat together and all that fun stuff that couples love to do well msrried couples.
1 person likes this
2 Aug 10
Being taken shopping would be quite nice, but he’s not the most patient bag holder and we’re not exactly flushed with cash to be able to have a spree! My Mr. says he’s too tired after work too. I understand that, but it’s so important for him to give me a little free time. I think so anyway!
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
Hi, Phaedra_Scythe.;-) Having quality time together with your partner keeps the relationship going strong, indeed. Though, my husband and I had issues, we still do, but he'd still take me out at least every month. Not to fancy resto or events but just mere doing the grocery together or enjoying fast food. This is maybe the reason why we are still together despit of what we have been through. Money is also an issue because he is the one paying for everything because I'm a full time wife. Re your husband, why don't you express your wishes to him.Men are really slow guessing what women need so therefore they need to be told straight faced.Especially your husband who is busy making both ends meet for all of you, that every end of the day he just want to have peace and quiet with you. Enjoying the comfort of your home with you around.:-) So, tell him, dear. Do not whine unless he tells you HE HAS NO PLAN TO TAKE YOU OUT SOMEWHERE, EVER. I doubt if he will refuse you, so cheer up.:-)
3 Aug 10
I have already told him exactly how I feel. I just hope he listens. I ask him even to take me to the grocery store and he complains that it’ll take too long if both of us go, rather than just one of us. I hope he gets it soon! I have tried explaining this all to him, but he’s very sensitive and takes it as a personal criticism, like he’s a bad partner or something. It’s so hard to try and have these discussions with someone who’s so easily offended.