Friends and Family - Judging and Telling How to Live!

@rosie230 (1674)
August 5, 2010 3:32am CST
My brother met a girl from the internet about 6 months ago. Since meeting her on the internet, he has been to see her, and she has come down here to visit him. The pair of them are very much in love with each other... but.... she has broken it off with him twice in the last couple of months, because it turns out, that because my brother does not have a job at the moment, as he was made redundant, her family do not approve and have told her to stop seeing him. She is in her 30's so it is not like she is young. I have spoken to her, and had a nice chat, and she explained everything to me. Her Mum, wants her to meet a millionaire???? I mean how ridiculous, if it was that easy to find a millionaire surely we would all have a man to take care of us with bundles of money... well sorry but this is not something that happens!!! I cannot believe her Mother would be so stupid, her ex- husband (my brothers girlfriend) well he was a solider, and he beat her up a couple of times, so she has nothing to do with him now. What I don't understand is that her Mother was quite happy with him, but not someone like my brother who is the kindest person I know, and who would give anything to take care of her and her son. Even her little boy loves my brother. I just don't get it. This girl, is coming to stay for the week, she is due down today, and she is bringing her son with her, who is only 8 years old. She is not telling any of her friends or family that she is coming down here, because she knows that she is going to get so much aggravation from them about coming down. I feel for her, because all she wants is to be happy, I just wish she was strong enough to stand up to her family and friends, and tell them it has nothing to do with them. What do you think on this situation... do you think the mother and her friends are right to try stopping her from seeing my brother, or do you think she should live her own life?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
5 Aug 10
Hi dear, Similar topic we have discussed earlier also. Many are of the opinion that the internet relation will broke fast compared with other relations. The main reason is that at the internet we all are in a dream like position. We sees so many thing in dream. But when wake up, some will remain in mind, some thing will forget, so of them will be nice and some are not at all interesting. Here in internet relation also somewhat similar only. When we are in the beginning of the contact, nothing will reveal about or personal things. We will always flattering and the best things will get high lighted. No 'hidden facts' will get discussed or promoted in public. If she could have reveal the look out initially, the entire episode could have been avoided. Also, at this stage, you are convinced that they are looking for money and not for a good man or decent person. So, no doubt, even if they get a rich person, the relation will not last long. Let your brother only take the proper decision. You can have a detailed discussion on the matter. Your brother can get a job at any point of time and settle down. Because for him, a job is a must and he will find a suitable one. This you need to tell them also. Again, if they both are trying, it will be easy to find a good job (if properly educated). Go for one more round of discussions. Her mother is not going to live with them for a long period. In such a case tell the girl to take a proper and timely decision or her own opinion. If they work together, later they can maintain a better life. Make them understand the facts. If they want to marry to 'money' let them go ahead or if they are looking for a better life, let them live together. Regards, Thank-s
@rosie230 (1674)
5 Aug 10
They are a great couple, and they both love each other dearly. She just wants her Mum and her friends to support her, or at the very least be happy for her. She has a good man, and he will take care of her and her son. He will get a job, they knew that he had not got a job or much money when they first met him, but her Mother liked him. She even had him round for dinner which she cooked for him. This is why I just do not get why she has decided that he is not the guy for her. Well if she waited for a rich man to take her, then she would not be happy, and it would not last long, and her son would not end up being the priority which he should be. She wants to work, and so does my brother. My brother wants to marry her, and believe me, he has never been the marrying kind... but this girl has changed him, and all he wants to do, is get a job and settle down with her and her son, and become a family together. I hope this week, they get some things sorted out, and they enjoy relaxing together, without people getting involved in their life.
@anneish (117)
• Philippines
5 Aug 10
base on your story...i think the girl should decide on her own...in the first place she's already a mother and old enough to make decisions and i think she already know what is best for her and for her son so i think she has the right to do what she think is right, because at the end the decision is depend on her...as i think about it she love's your brother,so be it.!just do what she think is good for her and her son...just follow what she feel is right.,
@rosie230 (1674)
5 Aug 10
Yes thank you for your response.. I totally agree, she is a Mother to an 8 year old boy, and she knows what she wants, she should not go along with what her mother is saying, I know I am bias, because he is my brother, but really, I would not want my parents to tell me how to live... we have to make our own choices in life.
• United States
5 Aug 10
The girl needs to stand up to her parents if she truly loves her brother. It is not fair for her to string him along if she does not love him. How does her son feel about your brother? Does the kid see your brother as a father? Her mom is rediculous in thinking that her daughter needs to marry a millionaire. Not everyone is rich and her mother needs to allow her daughter to grow up. She needs to do what is best for her and for her son. If the son loves your brother and thinsk of your brother as his father, then that is all that should matter. I know the job market is hard for a lot of people right now, but I bet your brother wants to find work badly. I do not know your brother personally, but from the wonderful way you talk about him, he seems like a great man who cares about others. He also seems to be the type who wants to work, but no employer is hiring right now. That is not his fault. I am certain that he is trying really hard to find a job.
@rosie230 (1674)
5 Aug 10
Yes she should stand up to her, and her son is so excited about coming down here to stay, he gets on very well with my brother, and has been asking when he will be seeing him again. It is hard for them to see each other a lot, because they live a 3 hour drive from each other. My brother is a good man, and has tried everything to get a job, but there is just nothing around at the moment, and the jobs that he does apply for, he never seems to get. It is very frustrating, because if he had a job, they would respect him, and see that he is a kind person with a good heart. Not everything in life is about money, he loves the girl and her son, and would do anything for them.
@oldchem1 (8144)
5 Aug 10
She needs to tell them where to go!! If she waits for a millionaire she'll have a long wait, there aren't many around (having said that my daughter went out with a millionaire in Italy, his family owned the hotel we were staying in (amongst others)- unfortunately it didn't last!!) if she and your brother are happy she should ignore her family and friends, money isn't everything and that is a very shallow opinion that her mother has. I'd like to see how any of my daughters would react if I told them who they could see !!
@rosie230 (1674)
5 Aug 10
Yes this is what I thought... trouble is I think she is a little scared of her Mother , because apparently she used to be a guard at Holloway prison lol, so she is quite strict... but for goodness sake, the girl is older than me, she should not take any notice of anyone else... I can't believe that she has to be so secretive about seeing the man that she loves, just because he does not quite meet their approval. So what if he is currently unemployed... it's not like he quit the job, and he has been helping out on a few odd jobs here and there, and does not even claim dole money. He is a good man, and to be honest I think these days it is quite hard to find a good man who will take care of you and your kids, let alone a millionaire!
@aamir007 (130)
• India
6 Aug 10
love is boundless it have no caste,creed,religion,money etc..Let all leave it as it is going on. If sombody loves him so deep, him have try always never hurt that one in dreams also and love is the name of giving never and ever imagine to get something in return and I m sure one day she will realise that the boy is so true,so caring and he is also more than millionare for her girl who is so caring and loving for her girl......all the best
@akopoaysi (740)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
you know my parents tries to dictate what the want to their children most of the time the do exact the opposite. or if they would follow they obey because they respect their parents but it doesnt mean they are not hurting. and if things go wrong they would blame their parents. im not a parent yet. but i am a daughter so i know. for me, if i made a decision i want my parents to support me and they will encourage me. if they want to object they would tell me why but at the end they will still respects my decision. i a kind of daughter who will tell their parents what i want to do and what choices i have. they would explain to me what are the possible consequences and it will be up to me what will i do and they would support me.
@jpso138 (7844)
• Philippines
5 Aug 10
It seems that the mother of this girl is treating here like a commodity. That is definitely a big no when it comes to love and relationship. I too wish that the girl will be strong enough to decide for herself. After all, it is her life and not her mothers. Well, I just wish that their relationship would come out strong so that both of them will be happy. As the common saying that goes, money can buy a house but not a home. Hopefully her mother will realize that.
@Hatley (164736)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Aug 10
rosie she should tell her family to go fly a kite, she loves your brother and they are going to get married ,. thats why she should do. I was 32 and my dad even wrote me out of his will to try to make me not marry the man I loved. I told him forget it, I am in love, he loves me, and I am going to marry him, and I did. My mom liked him, and when we gave my dad a grandson and a grand daughter he was really thrilled. so yes the girl has to live her own life now.The family has no right to stop her from marrying the man she loves.
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
5 Aug 10
If this lady is in her 30's , she has every right to do as she pleases. The family cannot stop her from seeing your brother. They might hold the little boy over her head tho. Still, she is the mother and nothing they can do legally can stop her if she wants to see or marry your brother. She might have to give up her family for a while but it will all work out maybe ...... still there is bound to be complications for your brother in the years to come. It's all a matter of doing what you want to do and love who you want to and let the rest of the world go to h**l...............
@lulu1220 (1010)
• United States
5 Aug 10
She is old enough to live her own life and needs to tell her family this. We would all like our families to like our partners, but that is not always the case. We ultimately have to do what makes us happy and not worry about what others think, even our families.
• United States
5 Aug 10
My family and friends tried telling me what to do and who to be, and I didn't talk to them for several months, or every time we talked, it ended up being and argument with me telling them "to go to Hell". Whenever my family tells people what to do, things just end up worse than what they already are. First of all, people should never marry anyone for money because neither person will be happy in the relationship. Second, parents let your children make their OWN mistakes. If they screw up then that is on them, you did your job and now its their turn to do what they need to do. Third, friends, I know y'all mean well, but your advice isn't always going to be helpful. Lastly, people are going to be people and they are going to make the choices they make. Your brother's girlfriend is never going to meet a millionaire. The chances of that happening are 1 in a billion. Next, like a said before money does not equal happiness. If she meets and marries said millionaire, she may end up hating him. Your brother's girlfriend's mother need to get her act together before telling her daughter what to do and what kind of person she should be because the mother obviously isn't someone for anyone to look up to or take advice from.
@bettydeng5 (1709)
• China
5 Aug 10
Her monther doesn't understand the happiness for life, she thought her daughter will live a better life if she marry to a millionaire. I understand her mother's thought. I once experienced the same situation, my Mom asked me to choose one man to marry, he is rich, and my Mom told me that I didn't need to work and only to take care of children if I married to him, but I refused.I realized that money isn't the necessary and first condition for me to marry, for me, I thought the important was happiness and found the loved man, though money is necessary for our lives. Talked your brother's girlfriend, she is under high pressure, because one hand she love and respect her mother, on the other hand, she love your brother, the most important thing that she can make a decision and think it is a right thing to choose your brother as her partner. She should stand up and talked with her mother that what she really need for life, hope her mother can understand and support her choice. Best regards.