do you/did you date outside your race?
By keshia2007r
@keshia2007r (2880)
United States
August 6, 2010 1:40pm CST
Hi friends and mylotters. This discussion is based on dating outside your race. Do you? or Have you? If not what do you think about it? Personally, I think interracial relationships are beautiful. Although i've never did date outside my race. I would, if I wasn't in a relationship. I mean, there is some good and bad that comes along with it. but hopefully the good over the bad. People will talk, but the love should be strong enough to be able to handle that. am i right? but anyway i never did date outside my race. don't think i'll get the chance being that i plan to marry my boyfriend :). But have you? Or will you? Why or why not? Whats your opinion on this??
2 people like this
17 responses
@carol2532001 (467)
• Jamaica
13 Aug 10
Hi Keisha, many years ago I went to England as a student, met a Welshman, 6'5" blond haired and blue eyed, and as handsome as any teenager could dream of, we had a wonderful time for the time that I was there. I got on well with his friends, never met his family who were all in Wales but I found out why shortly before I came home. He was marreid with 5 kids! Lucky for me although I liked him a lot, I wasn't too heart broken, I thought I was at the time but looking back after I met my husband I realized that the feelings that I had for him were not deep enough. I don't regret the time that I spent with him, his family did'nt suffer as they were a couple hundred miles away and he was really fun to be with. Something like that could happen in any race. I am black and I think I was just a novelty for him.
@carol2532001 (467)
• Jamaica
31 Aug 10
It's all the reality of life keshia. I am told by friends that I left there that he was the heartbroken one, but there is no way that I could have broken up that family. I couldn't do something like that to those kids.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
26 Aug 10
wow, your story had a shocking end. thats too bad, that he was married and with kids. 5 at that. but at least you wasn't heart broken!!
thanks for sharing, and im sorry i wrote back so late!
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
31 Aug 10
i completely agree! no way i would put a marriage at stake especially w/ kids involved!
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
7 Aug 10
Depends on the race. Well no. Actually it's not the race that's the problem. It's the culture.
There are certain cultures that can mix more easily than others.
Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships one can ever attempt in their life. Too many people fail to realize that, and take marriage for granted... which is why so many fail.
One way in which people take marriage for granted, is by assume that conflicts of culture will not matter "because we have love!" and such. Not true.
I have a very dear friend to me, who is from Somalia. She's a nice girl, and cute. But, culturally we are completely different. I'm Christian. She's Muslim. I'm American. She's Somalian. I don't understand her customs and family system. She doesn't understand Christianity or American culture.
We are good friends. But trying to live our lives together in marriage would be impossible.
On the other hand, I've met people from Laos, or Vietnam, that have easily assimilated into American culture. We relate much better, and our families accept each other openly. Neither of which happen with my Somalian friend.
So I don't think Race is as much the issue, as culture is.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
8 Aug 10
Exactly. I figured out over the course of many years, that regardless of what philosophical belief system you have, there actually isn't such a thing as race.
Take a guy in the middle of Mongolia, teach him to speak English without an accent, give him Jeans, and a polo shirt, put him in a movie theater, and you'd never be able to pick him out.
and you can do the reverse, and put a guy in south Africa, and the exact same thing happens. You can't tell the difference.
Although I knew this in my head, I only really understood it in real life, when I had this happen to me. I was working with a woman from east Africa. She was Muslim and wore the traditional long flowing black robe type garb with the black head covering. Now she didn't look bad, but of course it was sort of like a gray black blob walking around. Nicest lady I ever met.
Then one day she walked in, with a short brightly colored head covering, more like what American women used to ware in a time gone by, and a blue top, that was far more.. er form fitting? And a non-black dress that went down to her feet, instead of dragging along the ground.
She was stunning. At least she was stunning to me, because that isn't what I expected. She supposed to be different... but she wasn't.
Then I logically realized... what changed? Her race? No. Her culture is what was different. She was being more American, instead of East African.
I now consider race completely irrelevant. Culture is the only real difference.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
wow, I completely agree! I never look at it this way. but your right. It all comes down to the culture not race. thank you for your comment!!
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
7 Aug 10
That's an excellent point. This is probably the reason that many people stick to their own race. Their are certain cultures/religions that have different views on things, so those people have to date within their culture or religion.
Christians and Muslims are a good example.. I know a guy who is Muslim and his girlfriend is Catholic. His family didn't approve of their relationship so he cut off all ties with his family and moved away from them. I guess that's why those kind of relationships usually don't work out.
@marguicha (215604)
• Chile
6 Aug 10
When I think of my ancestors up to where I know of them, I see they came from different places. And there are others that I can only suspect the race (or mixtures of races) they belonged to.
I think that one of the wonders of being born in the Americas is the awesome way we all mixed to be what we are.
I did not marry a race; I married a person. And I´m grateful to life that I did. I have the suspicion that he had some drops of native american blood, some of black blood and some others of white (spanish and italian mainly). Asian does not seem likely, but I would not swear against it.
.
.@marguicha (215604)
• Chile
7 Aug 10
There are so many things that are much more important than the colour of the skin. And if beauty was only skin deep, how shallow it would be. Don´t you think?
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
i think you're right, and thanks again for your comment!
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Aug 10
lol. I love your comment! "I did not marry a race, I married a person" best so far! its really great to hear color does not matter. either way thank you so much for your comment! happy mylotting!!
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
7 Aug 10
Hi keshia2007,
Yes, I have dated outside my race, more than once. I think it is high time we let go of the skin color an look into the character and the integrity of a person. We often miss our soul mates because of prejudices and fears.
I don't get it, some many people want to go to heaven, where we will all be in one place with no separation, but we don't want to be on on earth in the same room with some one of a different race. Wussup with that. There will be no races, there will be just oneness and that is fine with me,
I love our rainbow here on earth and looking forward to sharing a piece of heaven them too.
Blessings
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
8 Aug 10
Hi k,
I have to remain optimistic, that one day it will all be good.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
8 Aug 10
hi, and i love your second sentence. I wish everbody would see skin color as that, and this world would be a better place! but they all don't, and that just reality. I don't get it either, i think diversity is great, i think different is wonderful! either way, thank you for your comment!
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
6 Aug 10
I see no problem with dating outside my race.. I see a lot of people doing it. Particularly black guys with white girls. I don't see black girls dating outside their race very often though.
I have dated outside my race. Well I'm mixed so I guess most people are "outside of my race" haha. Except for the fact that if you have any black in you, you're usually just considered black. I've dated spanish guys and one white guy though. My current boyfriend is black, but I have no problem dating other races.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
lol, yeah your right. If you do have a little black in you, your pretty much considered black. Look at President Obama. But thats really good hearing that you don't have a problem dating different race. Its good to try something new sometimes. If I wasn't in a stable relationship i would also, if the right guy came along. but either way thank you for your comment!
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
7 Aug 10
Exactly.. And it would sound a little weird if Obama was considered "the first half black president," or something like that.
Yea I think it's good to mix things up sometimes. People need to learn about others cultures to be more culturally diverse. My boyfriend is actually the only black guy I've ever dated. His culture is a lot different than mine because I was mainly raised by my white side of the family.. I'm loving the fact that I'm learning about other cultures from him, and I think it's something everyone would enjoy experiencing in a relationship.
Yea I think it's good to mix things up sometimes. People need to learn about others cultures to be more culturally diverse. My boyfriend is actually the only black guy I've ever dated. His culture is a lot different than mine because I was mainly raised by my white side of the family.. I'm loving the fact that I'm learning about other cultures from him, and I think it's something everyone would enjoy experiencing in a relationship. @kristin19 (86)
• United States
26 Aug 10
hi keshia,
where i come from it is virtually impossible not to date out of one's race. there's alot of different men to choose from here. i've dated an asian indian, italian, and vietnamese man. people always say cultural differences can pose difficulties but what they don't realize is that differences in values, spiritual beliefs, political orientation, money philosophy, goals... can make or break a relationship.
for example 2 white people might not make a sucessful marriage together, if one is atheist, democrat, frugal to the bone, has materialistic goals, and the other one is christian, republican, spendthrift, and values simplicity-i can imagine what a harmonious marriage that would be. lol.
sometimes it's possible to have more of a connection and similar values with someone out of one's race then within it.
god knows i've dated enough people within my race that i've had no connection with and had nothing in common with either.
also some people date within their race out of a misguided sense of loyalty. i've had black classmates tell me that they would never date a white man because white men were slave masters before the civil war.
or some asian women will only date asian men because they think asian women who date out of their race are sellouts.
if that is their choice i don't mind but i would never reject the love of my life just because he was of a different race.
oh well, sorry to ramble on. hope this was helpful.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
26 Aug 10
this did help! you shared information that i never thought about.
thanks for sharing this!!
@snowy22315 (170199)
• United States
6 Aug 10
I dont think there is anything wrong with it, but it would not be my first choice primarily because of how I was raised. I think that all people are beautiful, but I think I am more comfortable with those who are more like me, just a preference.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Aug 10
I understand what you mean. some people were raised a lot different, some like you. its nothing wrong to stay with what you know. some people like to try new and different things, others don't. its still ok, but either way thank you for your comment and happy mylotting!
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
7 Aug 10
Hi, keisha2007r. Yes, I have. I have dated a Mexican guy in high school. He was very sweet. He would have made a good husband if I was with him today. He was very understanding and polite to me... What a sweetheart. But now I am married to my husband of nine years. I am mixed with Indian but I am black as well. If you can find that special person, then that is nice...
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
I agree, its the person not the race that makes a person nice. its also great that you were able to step outside the box and try new things. btw thank you for your comment!
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
7 Aug 10
NOthing wrong with interracial dating. A lot of people are doing that nowadays. I haven't dated with anyone from another race though.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
Its great to hear you don't have a problem with it. says a lot about you. either way thank you for your comment & happy mylotting!
@nancy0618 (477)
• Philippines
7 Aug 10
no i never had an experience to date outside my race, but even if there will be someone, well maybe i will try, i see nothing wrong with it as i am against discriminating people
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
its great to hear your against discriminating. and its a plus to hear your open to try new things. btw thank you for your comment!
@czanwell_30 (717)
• Philippines
7 Aug 10
I did before when I was not married yet. He's from England and we met six times on our 1 year relationship. but the problem in this long distance relationship is you don't know when it ends. Because I caught him having another girlfriend that's why our relationship ended.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
wow, thats too bad. I and I could side with you in having long distance relationships. they are and can get very much difficult. but either way thank you for your comment
@coolbear2010 (23)
• China
7 Aug 10
outside your race means different culture,different food,different way to think and to act.date with a gay like that,anyway you should accept those differences.someone can do that,but someone not.I don't knowe whether you can do that.if yes,it's a good beginning.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
i agree. its a way to learn about differnt cultures, different foods and all. i think different is good. either way thank you for your comment!
@cursoralbert99 (412)
• Malaysia
7 Aug 10
I dated with someone from different race from me a lot. It's happen to be I am more attracted to those who are different race from me. Or perhaps it's my pursuit of gaining variation to be developed in my upcoming generation genes mixtures soon. Anyway, apart from that, learning the other cultures, foods and customs also enrich the mind for knowledge of what other race lived with since their ancestors made the guidelines. The most interesting part is about the marriage customs of each races. Learning others customs through dating with someone who is not from same race as yours benefits in lots of ways, and make you easy to mix around with other people.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Aug 10
i totally agree with your last statement "learning other customs through dating someone who is not from the same race" as is for sure benefit!! anyway thank you for your comment!
@misscadillac (42)
• United States
9 Aug 10
For some reason, I always tend to date outside my race, unintentionally, well, sort of. I agree that it is a beautiful thing, but it can be a hard thing, and if the relationship is not worth it or genuine, you can usually find that out much faster while dating outside your own race. I am Cherokee, Polynesian, Irish and French and a lot of the men I date are African American. They like what I have to offer, what I represent and who I am and I feel the same, that is probably why it has happened so frequently. The biggest obstacle I have faced thus far is that of African American women not approving of me dating their men. I am very respectful of that, but love is love and I am "color blind". Not to mention I represent 4 races, all of which I would never be territorial over. Can anyone explain that and how to go about it respectfully?
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
9 Aug 10
hi, your right. some of us as in black women don't like that you date our black man. but for me, i don't care lol. as long its not my man. they are not really ours just because they are black. but its the same way with every race. a white woman see a black women with a white man. do that white woman not think the same. as in looking like white guy is there? im sure they do! so it not only applies to black women. it pretty much apply to all. but you date who you like, or what you prefer. and if they like you back...well good form a relationship. some black men only prefer black women. or visa versa. just the same as some white men only prefer white women. date who you like. i don't see anything you're doing wrong and how it could be represented disrespectfully. so just keep doing you. thanks for your comment!
welcome to mylot
&
happy mylotting
@urbandekay (18278)
•
6 Aug 10
My wife is of a different race, I don't think it is a problem
all the best urban
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Aug 10
thats really great that race isn't a problem! You see love over color. I think thats the most important of all! thank you for your comment and happy mylotting!
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
6 Aug 10
I have never dated outside of my race myself. if i were to meet that special someone and they were of another race, i would gladly be in that relationship. We are all just people after all. the color of our skin is not as important as the feelings we have.@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Aug 10
thank you! I also agree. skin color shouldn't matter, but some people don't think that way. either way thank you for your comment!
@lindaharding627 (1442)
• United States
6 Aug 10
I never dated outside of my race because I only fell for two guys before getting married. My ex-boyfriend and the man who is now my husband. I have family that are biracial. It is not a problem to me. I would have been with a man of another race if I fell in love with him. To me color is no big deal.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Aug 10
thats really great to hear color is not big deal. even better that you found the man your love. race does not and should not matter. btw thank you for your comment!
