How can I satisfy my mother-in-law?

Vietnam
August 19, 2010 9:00pm CST
My mother-in-law is a kind person. However she is very hard to please. I have tried my best to satisfy her but she has never praised me. I bought food and fruit, she said that they looked bad. I bought her new clothes, she said that they are not suitable for her age. I gave her monthly money, she said that it is not enough. I gave her present birthday but she refused to receive with no reason. I did cleaning carefully, she said that everything is not completely clean. She also told me that the way I looked after my children was not a good one. How can I satisfy her?
3 people like this
17 responses
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
I have gone through the same dilemma before, fortunately, after few years of trying to please my mother-in-law; i gave up. what i am doing now is loving my husband more and more each day as well as my kids. now, our relationship is much better. i have stopped trying to please her but instead focused my attention more on building my own family. i guess she now sees that her son is lucky to have me. our relationship is not the best, but it has definitely gone better than before. you may want to try my formula, who knows it may work for you as it did to me. Good luck
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18703)
• Denmark
24 Aug 10
Your mother-in-law sounds a lot like my former mother-in-law. No matter what I said or did she was always able to find something negative to say. At first I tried to please her, but she criticized me all the time, and eventually I just accepted that I was never going to please her. You ask how you are going to satisfy your mother-in-law, but I am not sure you will ever be able to do that, because I don't think that you are doing anything wrong. The problem is not the things that you do, the problem is her attitude. She could have chosen to be grateful for the things you buy her and the money you give her instead of saying "not good enough", but it sounds to me like she is looking for something to criticize. It hurts when you try to do your best and only get negative comments, but I don't know what you can do to improve the situation, because I think that her attitude is the problem and you can't force her to change it.
• India
21 Aug 10
hi you should first know what she is really fond of, or what she is really interested. what are her likes and dislikes. i think thats very important. so just try out to find out that then i think you will definetly able to make her happy
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
21 Aug 10
Hi, hoadat83. I would not try to satisfy her, if all she does is dismiss everything that you have tried to do for her. She is very ungrateful. Just focus on how you can appreciate yourself without looking for her input at all. My mother-in-law has been ungrateful towards me too before. I would not even pay her any attention either. I just stopped doing nice things for her until she learned to respect me. I tried so hard to please her. Now, I don't do it anymore. I am not wasting my nerves and energy on someone that is not happy for what I have done for them. You are being so good to her and she is too damn blind to see it! Don't let her attitude get to you. Continue to be sweet and kind, and this good deed will follow you as you meet other people that will appreciate you for all that you will do for them.
@djtony (7)
• Jamaica
20 Aug 10
well its easy..just stay away from her for a wile and see...if she ask for you then you knew she like/loves you but if she doesn't then you knew she hates you...do what you know to do and let god do the rest just have faith
• India
20 Aug 10
You can never satisfy her…plain and simple. Some people are never satisfied no matter how much you try simply coz they cant admit to themselves that there are people who do a work better than them. However, this does not mean that you stop being nice to her…be nice to her for your own happiness and feel-good factor. If you go on gifting her with the idea of pleasing her, you’ll never be successful, rather give her something nice to please yourself no matter what she says about it. As for children, its your children so the decision is yours. Thought its always good to seek advice from elders, but the ultimate call is ours, whether they like it or not.
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I would say that if you still can not make your mother in law happy it is time to to give up. It seems to me she is a woman very hard to please, and maybe the best way to please her is to not dote on her. If you live with her this might be easier said then done, just clean to the best of your ability and leave it at that.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Oh my! I am grateful I dont have any problems about pleasing my mother in law. I also bring food to their house and do other things for her and its good so far. Anyway, dont be too hard on yourself. Time will also come your mother in law will appreciate everything.
@deve_annrn (1857)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
it must have been really hard for you to impress and please a mother-in-law like yours.., i can relate a bit because i am living with my guy's family at present and at daytime it's just the three of us at home.., i'm not the type of person who is talkative around people i am not so close with.., so when my boyfriend leaves us alone in the dining table i'm loss for words to say.., and it feels awkward.., sometimes.., i offer to wash the dishes.., i'm not a good cook as she is so i never volunteered cooking.., i don't know.., but i'm scared what my mother-inb-law has in her mind about me..=)
@jamed28 (1909)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Why should I satisfy my mother-in-law? I am not married to her or even my father-in-law. I married my wife so it is my wife that I should be thinking of satisfying rather than her parents. I'll give her presents not to satisfy her, but as a part of the family. As long as I am not doing anything wrong on their daughter, I don't need to think about satisfying them. It is the least of my priorities.
• India
20 Aug 10
hi, a good saying, " nobody can be satisfied ". In rare case anyone is satisfied. Now u r a daughter-in-law. When ur mother-in-law, in one time, she was a daughter-in-law of her mother-in-law. She could not satisfy her mother-in-law (may be). But she can(will) expect from u. (b'se age matters). when u become a mother-in-law, u may expect the same or the other. to give respect for the old people, caring and pleasant words, can satisfy them. I applied the same for my mother-in-law. Just keep a smile on ur face, when u speak to ur mother-in-law. And one most important thing is take care of her health. by these ways u can satisfy ur mother-in-law. In my case, it happened. bye. have a nice time with ur mother-in-law.
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
You don't need to please her. Just like everyone else in this discussion, being yourself is the best way. Another thing is open communication. Talk to her like you're just conversing but not to a point that it seems you're trying hard to please her. If she says the fruit you bought looked bad, asked her for tips on buying these. If she says the dress is not suitable for her, asked her what she looks for in a dress. With regards to money matters, I think it would be best to make your husband give it to his mom. It would be more appreciated because it won't look like you're trying to please her but instead it would look like you are allowing her son to still share something even if he has a family. If cleaning is not your forte, don't try to do things you're not used to doing.
@libramie (562)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
For my utmost understanding, we're not obliged to please our mother-in-law but to respect them. You've already trying yourself , doing toilsome things to win her heart but it didn't matter, so be it. Just be yourself, continue doing good things and be responsible to your household. Don't opposed her drastically in spite of all bad things she did to you instead treat her like your own mother, sooner or later she'd realized it and have a happy family. Wishing you hoadat.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Hi Hoadat, For starters, your mother-in-law does not sound like a very kind person at all. I have all girls so I only have son-in-laws. I don't think it could be much different. I love my son-in-law and he does not do even half that stuff that you do for your mother in law. He never had to try to please me...I love him just because he makes my daughter happy. That's not to say that he doesn't do things for me. I don't expect him to do anything at all for me. Just a few weeks ago, in the middle of a heat wave, he showed up lugging up an air conditioner for my apartment. I never asked for one. In fact I've always said I'd never own one. Well it was an extra one that he and my daughter had and after he lugged it up and plopped it down, he said" are you really going to tell me no? I couldn't say no at that point. He not only hooked it up but he boxed it in and stayed and made sure it was running properly. It isn't you,Hoadat. What I'm trying to say here is I just would love my son in law even if he didn't do all these nice things for me. You have bought this woman food and clothes and cleaned and she does nothing but critisize you?? Stop trying to satisfy her...you can't. And again...she really is not a kind person.
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
You don't have to satisfy anybody just to make them liked you. If you keep on doing these in the pretense of satisfying people you love, you may find yourself obligated all time. Why not be yourself and learn to respect one's feelings? People would be attracted to your good traits and then will see you as you are. Let your mother-n-law be on her own. Let her see you as you are,liked you as your are and leave a space between you and her to enjoy each other!
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
20 Aug 10
Hi, For your case, I guess you are staying with your mother-in-law,am I right? For me, I am staying with my in-laws now and they are kind to me. I just make sure never argue with them and do my part as a daughter -in-law. I lead my own life and they lead their own life. NO interruption on each other and just be ourselves. It is not easy being a good daughter-in-law, as some mother in law is naggy type and hard to please her. I am lucky that mine is not that naggy type.or else, I won't be able to stand it. and My mother in law never say this and that not good about me,but at my back, I am not sure she does say anything bad about me or not and I can't be bother about it too. That is her mouth and she is free to say anything she likes. Since you have done so much and your mother in law still complaining this and that,then forget about it. Don't try to please her so much. Just be yourself and do your duty and the rest of it,left it be!! Why you have to make yourself unhappy just to please her.NO point!! To have more freedom, you can try talk to your husband ,maybe to move out.Get own house and have more freedom on yourself. At least, you no need to face your mother in law everyday and listen to her complains. Be strong and remember that your husband is always there for you.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
20 Aug 10
I think you are too great person if you are still trying to do your best to satisfy her. If that was me, if i was you, after her first bad words, i would tell her to piss off. I don't like that kind of people, who always say - no, no, no, no to everything, it's so negative, can make your positive emotions explode. If you make her son happy, you don't need to have good relations with her. That doesn't sound really peaceful and nice, but it looks that the problem is not with you. You've done enough to show her your respect and good feelings you keep for her. Now it's her turn. Stay positive and be patient and may be some day she will find out how good person are you. But if she doesn't ... her loss.