How do you feel after you and your partner fight?

@p3ks626 (6550)
Philippines
August 27, 2010 4:52am CST
When you have talked about your problems and have resolved everything already, how do you feel or what do you usually feel after the fight? Did it ever occur to you that there's something more that you need to do then that's the time to can say everything is okay? Do you still feel that something is bothering you? I think I am in that situation now and I dont know if its normal to feel that cause this is the first time I felt this way. Its usually not like this but I am feeling it now. I feel like I am emotionally damages severely and I find it hard to cope.
4 people like this
19 responses
• United States
28 Aug 10
After my boyfriend and I fight, we make out, and then some. Seriously, he and I just cannot help it, but it's like fighting just puts a lot of spice and passion into our relationship.
• Singapore
28 Aug 10
I agree . Fighting puts spice and it makes the relationship stronger bec sometimes heart to heart talk only comes out when partner's fight.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
They always say that fighting does put spice in to the relationship. But there are fights that doesnt seem like spice anymore cause you tend to put each other down and make you feel bad about yourself because of what partner is doing and telling you.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
30 Aug 10
I think that feeling will never go away. The trick now is to make sure that you overcome this feeling and learn to grow. Even if it means you have to make concessions in your relationship, as long as you understand each other, and you know that nobody is perfect, then you might have a chance. Good luck!
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I guess that would be the only thing I can do now. Just overcome the things that I am feeling now. It has been days since my husband and I had that fight and reading people's responses here make me cry more. I hope all the things you have said here is something that we both can do but it seems that its too difficult. I dont want to wait anymore but I guess I still have to. I guess I have to extend more patience to my husband even if I would have to wait for him to do the things he is suppose to do.
@GemmaR (8526)
28 Aug 10
I feel really awkward when we fight. Half of me wants to give him a cuddle and tell him that everything's okay and that I still love him, and the other half of me really doesn't want to let him know that I will forgive him- because if I do, he will think that he can treat me the way he did whenever he likes. I will never go to bed on an argument though. I always make sure that we have sorted things out before we go to bed. We don't argue that much- mainly because I don't have the energy to. I find it so much easier to just do all of the work around the house and cook all of the meals, because if I nagged him about it, it would only result in an argument. In fact, he has gone out with a friend this afternoon, and before he gets back, I will have to wash a load of dishes, take the rubbish out, hoover the lounge, and do a load of his ironing. Anything for a quiet life!
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I always told my husband never to go to bed on an argument but he doesnt seem to care. If we have arguments, he just sleeps even if I have told him not to do that anymore. It breaks my hear that he does that especially he knows that I wont be able to sleep during the night.
@juryse (753)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
I felt exhausted after every fight. Physically and emotionally exhausted.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
Physically? I dont feel exhausted really! But emotionally, very tired! I havent felt like this before and I think its not a normal feeling. I always felt better after a fight and I think what happened days ago is really eating me up inside.
@Shinobu (44)
• Singapore
28 Aug 10
If its still bothering you after a few days maybe you haven't opened everything with your partner yet.I think you will feel that way when sometimes you haven't said everything what you want to say yet then maybe because your partner willingly admits his fault that you just of course let it go. Or it depends on the problem, it its a jealousy problem them you have talked already yet something still feels not quite right... then that is another issue.. I believe in woman's intuition.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I guess I havent. I have so many pains and heartaches about the things we have with our relationship. I think I have told him about it already and I guess that is the reason why I still feel bad about it cause I have been telling him about it ever since and he has not dont anything about it yet.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
28 Aug 10
Whenever i would have a fight with my partner, I would be the first one to feel guilty. Sometimes the fight would be over something so silly. I would be the first one to apologize. Life is too short to let misunderstanding come between you and the one you love. fighting just seems to bring more emotion out and words are said that can't be taken back.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
Sometimes I feel guilty, but I dont want to. Sometimes I think that the main reason why we fight, is because he always consider himself first rather than what's good for the two of us. Sometimes I feel like he doesnt respect me at all. And when I tell him that, he doesnt tell me things that will make me change my mind about what he was doing.
@kristeena (358)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
I know how you feel, friend. Big storms come along in every relationship but as a couple you need to communicate with an open heart and mind to overcome it. Deal your problems immediately. Check your heart and accept any correction if it was your fault. May I share you this: one time after our fight, I felt and asked myself, "is this the husband I have married years ago?" I sent him texts about how I feel because I can't express myself when he's nagging. Yes, he nags sometimes. He setup a date and we had a serious talk about it. Everything went well and we're still together.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
That's one thing I really wish we could do to be able to resolve problems right away but my husband has very huge kind of pride. He is very prideful. He doesnt like it when things like this happen but he also doesnt do anything to make things okay.
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
well, after a fight, we would usually just shut up and not talk... it works for us that we keep ourselves quiet and after that we'd just forget that we did have an issue... it feels weird and awkward actually after a big fight...
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
It really feels awkward. It feels like you dont have the same love even if you still do. I really hate it after a fight cause it feels like you are not comfortable with the person when in fact that person is your better half.
• Vietnam
28 Aug 10
im feel so tired with problem come to me,it so diffical
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
It is really difficult if there are problems especially if you feel like you are the only one trying to solve it. It feel frustrating to know and think that there are so many things that you can do to be happy but when you are fighting, you are not there for each other anymore. I hate that feeling that's why I hate fights!
@jhyan007 (467)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
...it would be best to talk with your partner about it and fix it...if there is something that is bothering you and this is pertaining to the previous fight then you cannot say it is a resolved incident, right?...although yes, there are instances that we tend to feel there is something missing or something that is bothering us still even after we did a resolution with our partner..rather than keeping it yourself, it would be best and fair to share that with your partner to talk things over..
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I hope talking to my partner is such a very easy thing to do, but it has always been very hard to talk to him about things. Sometimes there are things that he does that I dont like him do but I just keep it in mind cause I know how he would react.
@sweety2006 (1414)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Oh I always feel horrible after the fight. The fight is usually about me not listening to my partner, and it turns into an argument and than into a fight. This happens to us almost twice in a week or twice in 2 weeks where we have a fight. But it's part of life, because without fights life would be boring.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I guess life would really be boring but I think I'd rather have a boring life rather than fight with my partner most of the time. I also feel guilty after a fight but sometimes I am also hoping that my partner will also feel guilty about what he said, but it seems that he is not.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
27 Aug 10
I always feel guilty, because sometimes i'm doing big fights for little problems. I'm that kind of person and when i'm nervous i'm always small minded. Sometimes i make notes really for little things, which doesn't have any sense. And at the end i always tell him that i love him too much and i'm sorry that i was small minded. I feel guilty because my boyfriend lives in pain all the time - he got kidney stones. And it really hurts him a lot. But when i feel full with bad emotions, i always tell him what is this about. That's how i hurt him even more. At the end we finish with conversation about how much we love each other. And that make me calm and brings me good feelings.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I think I am the one who always gets hurts every time me and my husband would have a fight. I am always hurt by the things that he does and i start to think about the things I do for him and start to wonder why he cant give me the same things.
@sukhsppal (117)
• India
27 Aug 10
My wife abusing/misbehaving me since 25 years. She always says i should die. I have to take depression medicine due to her. I am living just for my children.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
Sorry to hear that! I am not that kind of person though. I always thought that I am the one making most of the sacrifices and I am the one who gets hurt in the end. sad!
@sirzhang (229)
• China
27 Aug 10
When it comes to feelings, many things could be distinguished which is wrong or right. Men are blind in their own cause. Just calm down then deal with it.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
If there is something I can do to make men see, I will. Sometimes I wish that it would be good if my husband and I would exchange for a while so that I know what he's feeling and he will also know what I feel. But that's impossible and it seems hard to deal with it.
@voldrox (7204)
• India
27 Aug 10
Hello p3ks626, I don't feel good about fights, it makes us feel like we don't understand our partners completely. Usually when we have fights, i am the one to complain a few things to my girlfriend. Honestly, i say a lot more than i ought to. But eventually everything settles down soon, but it is never comfortable, i make her feel like i don't trust her. I can only wish everything goes well. Fights between couples are always emotional, sadly. At least in my case and it's rather depressing.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
I also dont like fights! but they cant be avoided. I envy the other respondent when she said that she never had a fight with her husband. I wish I also have that. But I dont so I think I'll just have to deal with it. I think I am the one always complaining to my husband cause I really feel hurt about what he's doing but it seems to me that he doesnt like that. He thinks I am trying to make an argument every time I want to talk to him about something.
@tatturoy (139)
• India
27 Aug 10
it seems you are in an emotion turmoil.stay calm and composed for few days and read your mind.i can assure, you will get a solution.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
Thanks for the encouragement. I am really in a certain kind of emotion I dont want to have but I have it now. I want to clear my mind but there are so many worries. I am scared about some things that might possibly happen in the future when we would fight again and I dont think I will be able to handle it.
27 Aug 10
I've been with my partner for a year now and can honestly say we don't fight at all. We certainly don't agree on everything but we do on all of the important things, so anything else just isn't worth getting heated up about :) Life is too short to argue and whine bout things imo, and 99% of all arguments don't solve the issues anyway. Communication is key, in my experience most arguments start when one person misunderstands or misinterprets the other, so keep your heart on your tongue and keep talking :)
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
Thanks for the advice. What happened to me and my husband days ago was also a misinterpretation about what I said. But it hurt me cause he seems like he doesnt know me. It was like new to him when in fact we always joke about it. I dont know why I am so devastated now.
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
it's part of the relationship. but we should always have space to recover and get to talked again to reconcile.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
27 Aug 10
I think we already did that and it has been days since we had the fight and I still feel uneasy. As I said in the post, its the first time i felt like this and for me its not very healthy. I feel like its not normal. I hope I am just being paranoid.
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
4 Sep 10
Hi P3KS626!. I usually feel relieve after a fight because I already speak out what in mind and he can hear it very clearly. In the same time I don't feel good because in the fighting process I can not control my word and usually hurt his feeling. I think if we had a problem its better to solve it while drinking a tea and in good mood, try not to arguing.