Who's the disciplinarian?

Philippines
August 30, 2010 2:34am CST
When it comes with your kid, who is the disciplinarian? I think my husband is. He's strong and bold in his words. Yet I can also think that I can cut him down when he gets tough! Should the father be the disciplinarian for their boys and the mother for the girls? Or should be as equal as possible? I think both parents should play a part of disciplining their children. But some just work the way they know it. How do you know how disciplining your children works?
2 people like this
6 responses
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
31 Aug 10
being a single mom, I have always been the one to discipline. The dad never wanted to because he only saw them on occasion and by his own choice and did not want to spend that time disciplining. It would have done no good anyway as he was not real involved. I think that both parents should work together on the discipline and major decisions in their kids lives. I don't think it should be left to one or the other.
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
you have a very big responsibility. and i am proud of single mothers out there. since my mom is also one too! =p you can do it!! at least the dad comes occasionally. my dad never visited us for a long long time.maybe about 15 years. your children should also be close to their father. coz children tend to miss and look for a father figure like i do. =p
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
31 Aug 10
Hi Ktmatunog, Thanks for the nice words. 3 of my girls are now grown and doing well. Still have my 16 yr old at home. I am sorry that your dad was not a part of your life. You are right in saying that a dad is so important. Even if the parents are separated the father should still be a big part in the kids lives. My girls do have a fairly close relationship with their father.
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
so nice to hear. wow! you are so blessed! dont worry about me. hehe i know my father also thinks of me and my brother.he never did left us all throughout. he actually gave me education. =p
@1megiam (25)
• United States
1 Sep 10
Discipline should be enforced by both parents. There should be a prior understanding as to what is appropriate before the situation arises, i.e. does lying mean losing TV time or is there a time out chair? Discipline should be age appropriate, if the parents disagree this should be settled out of sight and hearing of the children. These are just some of things I have experienced. We all look for advice and there are excellent resources out there, both secular, Christian, and other religious and tradition sources. Just some personal thoughts on the subject.
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
true. there are many ways in disciplining, it depends on the parents and what really works for their child's personality. totally, age-appropriate coz children are experiencing different stages as they grow up....the parents should talk first and agree on how to discipline their child so they will have consistency in doing so.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
31 Aug 10
When i was growing up, my father was always the disciplinarian. My mother was just too soft hearted to give out punishments and follow through with them. When I began a family of my my own, it was my late husband who was the disciplinarian of the household. He was always tougher on the children than i was. Now i have to be the disciplinarian and it not always an easy job to do. My children know just what buttons to push and when to push them. Still, I take it in stride and do the best that I can for them.
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
i agree, mothers are really soft when it comes to their children. it is a better way that both parents should talk first and agree with something when it comes to disciplining. Parenting is a tough job and they should be the ones who'll take control of the situation whenever possible. i wish you the best of luck on handling this by yourself. you can do it!!! =p
• United States
30 Aug 10
i think it depends on who the child respones to.but it also depends on what the discipline is about. the father should be stronger with his words and action. but also i think it should be both parents set down and talk to the child and see why he or her did what they did.parents are busy now adays working and dont have enough time to set and see what is going on thier life.you to set a couple nights out of the week and set and have a family talk night. set down and have a dinner together. find out whats going on in eachothers life. make a family night.take time to be there.just to let them know you are there when they need you.
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
i agree. the parents nowadays are so busy. both are working and leaving the child on somebody else. Parents have a great influence on their child. The people around them are an influence to the child's behavior too. parents and their children should establish a good relationship but the parents should remain firm. they should have good communication and have enough time for each other.=p
@deve_annrn (1857)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
I think it should be equally shared by both.., My parents were strict disciplinarians.., I used to hate that when I was young.. I felt so overprotected and I thought I was choking.., But then I was thankful they were.., now that I have grown into a responsible..,polite and God fearing individual.., It pays a lot..=)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
strict discipline works on some. but others, maybe not. each child is unique and maybe naturally each parent can deal with his/her child in a different manner. thanks for your response. i highly appreciate it. ...and you are really blessed with your lovable parents. =p
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
30 Aug 10
what would be the definition for disciplinarian? we are both disciplinarian, i believe but with different approaches. we demand respect all the time. we do not impose but we express our disgust over things not right. when the kids were young, the scenario was different. it is easier to discipline young children. at the rise of one's tone, they scamper. but as they grow, it is a different story. diplomacy is required.
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
i like your answer. even kids get afraid when you have fiery eyes on them. but, i don't know how to raise my tone on my toddler. =p she wants her demand and she is very good at it since toddlers are egocentric and shows temper tantrums. but maybe later, i will know how to do it like all mothers do. =p you are right. maybe, it is more difficult to discipline a teenager. and communication is important on both parents and the child.