Would you or Would you not date a...?
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
United States
September 5, 2010 7:20pm CST
(This was a story told by a friend of mine. Need some extra opinions)
"Okay, recently at Barnes and Noble bookstore, while browsing through some books. I was approached by a person who was physically disabled. At first, I thought that they may have wanted some help reaching a book or something. So I asked if they needed help. The person said no and then nicely commented on how I looked. I smiled and replied with a thank you. I went back to browsing, but the person was still there. It was awkward. Then the person started to flirt with me. I had to tell the person that I was with someone and was not interested. The look on the person's face was devastating. I felt bad. In addition, before going away, the person stated, 'It's because I can't walk, right? I doesn't matter about good looks or anything. It really matters about the physical state.' That was not how I felt. I didn't know what to say."
I really did not know what to tell my friend.
When you see a handicapped person, what are your first thoughts? Would you have flirted back? Would you date a handicapped person, why or why not? Married, have children with? Befriend? Does it matter to you about the physical state of a person?
4 people like this
12 responses
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
8 Sep 10
I feel those that have a physical problem isn't a reason not to treat them as a human being. Most likely it wasn't something they did to cause them to be in that situation. Whenever I see anyone like that, I don't turn away, I don't stare, I will talk to them if a conversation is started. In this case though it sounded like he was so hard up to find someone that they are using their disability to blame.
That is one of the first things they teach those that are disabled is that not everyone will just talk to them as someone else. Thing is I feel they are the better human to be able to deal with the disabilities and still be able to live a life on their own if possible. They live, laugh, make memories just like anyone else.
In this case I would of walked away too. Reason is even if the person wasn't disabled to try flirt isn't right. Try to just have a conversation to get to know the person is one thing, but to flirt, nope. I don't know who you are, what your about, etc. Using the disability was wrong as well.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
9 Sep 10
Your response is thoughtful and grasps a good point. However, some people seemed to come slightly of answering the questions stated. Like, would you date a handicapped person, why or why not? Married, have children? What are your thoughts on that, if any?
@littlefranciscan (18327)
• United States
6 Sep 10
If I was seeking to find a soul mate
or date.. I would not be looking so much
at the physical qualities of a person as the
chemistry that does or doesn't exist.
Sometimes the most beautiful or handsome people
are the worst people to be around..they are so
full of themselves.. Not all people are blessed
with beauty or grace but .. to me that's not the most
important for a relationship to work.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
6 Sep 10
I feel sorry for them at the first sight. it is hard to live in this world with any disability. At the same time, dating a handicapped person is well limited to their personalities and behaviors. I don't want to ignore anybody with the physical ability. But, have you noticed that handicapped people are more rough and tough, especially, the blind people!
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That is a fair assessment, but not all handicapped people have tough and rough exteriors. I know this first hand. Thank you for you response =)
@mikeowl (200)
• Malaysia
6 Sep 10
Ermmm, well if you asked my opinion about dating a handicapped person, I would not myself. First off, I would like to clarify this is not sort of discrimination. It's just that I can't even take care myself properly with the full set of complete body than how am I suppose to take care of another person. I would prefer to date someone who could be very independent. It's just my own thoughts. Not a discrimination.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
Awesome honesty, however, what are your first thoughts when you see a handicapped individual?
@sweetloveforeve (13106)
• Portugal
6 Sep 10
well if i loved him or thought he was sweet sure why not? i know it takes a lot of work but the truth is any of us can be handicapped and we need love right? and we dont want for sure that people see us as not datable. i know you didnt mean to hurt him :) but if i felt that person was sweet or if i loved him i would sure date him without care his situation bcs thats what love is^^ i cant be sure that one day i wont have a bf and that happens or even to me and for sure i wouldnt want my bf to leave me behind. when i have one :)
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
It's not me that I am talking about, for I am handicapped myself. The friend, in which told me the story, came to me for advice because of my physical state and wanted to know from a handicapped person point view. In turn, I thought it to be a good topic and to hear other point of views. I agree with you 100% being a person who is handicapped. It is difficult let alone to live the life I live, but I would have known better than to approach someone who is clearly not interested. For that person to say what he said to my friend, I find that to be a guilt trip and heavy frown upon.
@jailo12 (332)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
i dont really think or care about the physical state of the person, as long as the person likes me and vice versa well thats all we need to start a nice relationship. i like to care for the persons like handicapped. but if i dont like the person, i dont bother going close to her. good day.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That is wonderful that you feel that way and you are correct. It depends really on whether both like each other. Thanks.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I would. Just because he is handicapped doesn't mean that he cannot date people. He is probably a really nice guy. I feel bad because based on what he said to you, he has probably been rejected a lot because of his physical state. He could have gotten hurt in battle, or he could have gotten hurt when he was younger. His physical state might not be through any fault of his own. People always think that when I person is in a wheelchair that they can't do anything, but that is not true.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That's true. There is this a quick assumption about handicapped people not being able to do things or live a normal life. Which that as you stated is not true. Thanks for your response
@Angelwriter (1954)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I'd have a similar problem to you. I'm single, but I'm horribly shy. Plus, when I'm in a bookstore, I'm not interested in meeting people. I'm there to find books, not get picked up. So, I'd reject the guy, and then have him assume it's because he's handicapped. Which could either be because he's self conscious about it and wouldn't consider any other reason, or that he was manipulative and wanted to guilt trip me.
Would I have flirted back? No, but only because I wouldn't know how to flirt with anyone. Not good at it. Would I date a handicapped person? The odds are as good as me dating a physically abled person. Anything else? Sure, and if not, nothing would change if they weren't handicapped. If I didn't befriend a handicapped person, I still wouldn't befriend them if they weren't handicapped. Whatever turned me off wouldn't change if they stopped being handicapped.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
That's solid answer and to each is their own... I like how you explained it. I can see what you mean.
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
6 Sep 10
I would be friends with them if we had things in common and liked each other, but I wouldn't date them. You have to admit that physical appearance plays an important role in a love relationship.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
11 Sep 10
When my ex-boyfriend and I were together I became friends with a physically disabled man. We were online friends and we never met because I was already in a relationship, but we had so much in common and if I had been single I would have gone on a date with him. If I am single and if I like the person, a psysical disability wouldn't stop me from flirting or going on a date, it is the person's personality that counts. If a disabled person flirted with me today I wouldn't flirt back, not because he was disabled, but because I am married.
@Catana (735)
• United States
6 Sep 10
It sounded to me as if the person was using his handicap as a way of coercing someone. Nobody is obligated respond to a stranger's flirting, whether they're handicapped or not. There was no reason for your friend to feel bad. She was being manipulated and she didn't fall for it. Rude is rude and there's no excuse for it, from anyone, handicapped or not. My husband was blind and he never used his blindness as a way to make people feel sorry for him or get them to do things they didn't want to do.
@ReadingFairy23 (66)
• United States
6 Sep 10
I like your response and you're right, no one should use their handicap to get ahead in someone liking them or to feel guilt.
@BOROTOTOY (58)
•
6 Sep 10
i would date with such person no matter what.
but it takes courage to do that.
its like buying a bycicle and one tire is not working.
so for me it counts. the person you date must be someone you want to be with sooner.
