The IMPORTANT lesson I just learned from a doctor
By Loverbear
@Loverbear (4918)
United States
September 22, 2010 1:57pm CST
As most of you know I haven't been on the Lot much the past couple of months. I've been suffering a lot from pain and my asthma. I nearly ended up in the ER after inhaling some toxic fumes during my Wednesday night class a couple of weeks ago. I called my doctors to see them on an emergency basis; simply because every time I go into my local ER I end up being sick from whatever someone has spread the germs from. Anyhow, I didn't get to see any of my regular doctors 
and after a bit of suffering and some home remedies I passed the crisis.
I got to see my new doctor issued to me by my insurance on Monday. I'm reserving judgment on her until I've seen her a few times. But the first meeting with her was interesting.
After the usual pleasantries she started the exam. I'm in fairly good shape for my age...other than a torn rotator cuff, bad knee, arthritis, asthma, bad back, and bad wrists. I'm not complaining...there are so many other people in worse shape than I am. But the interesting part is now coming up. The doctor listened to my intestines and stomach. She removed her stethoscope and shook her head and went to the desk and made some copious notes. While she was writing she shook her head and sighed. Needless to say I was getting very worried. Come to think of it so was Bill, who goes to the doctors appointments with me. Finally she got up, walked over to the exam table where I was sitting and said "I know the cause of all your pain..." I got excited as I have been in pain for 25 years!!! She then kind of cleared her throat and went on to say "Your pain is caused by..." I was hanging on every word in total excitement!!!!! I didn't expect the final word..."CONSTIPATION" The excitement flowed from my person like a toilet being flushed. Constipation??? Twenty five years of constipation??? Not likely.
I left the office with a prescription for "fiber" in my hand, shaking my head in disappointment. After all I didn't know anyone could be constipated for twenty five years without exploding. Plus, I am NOT constipated. After a few minutes of contemplation, I realized the beauty of the diagnosis! Just think, if you run a stop sign you can tell the police officer that you did it because you were constipated. If you are overdrawn at the bank you can blame it on constipation. If you burn dinner you did it because you were, you guessed it, constipated. It turns out to be the most useful diagnosis I have ever had!
I had to make another appointment for an ultra sound on my left knee and I told the receptionist that we really don't need to reschedule the appointment. Of course she asked why, and the line was very silent when I told her that the pain in my leg is because I am "constipated". It remained quiet until I started laughing. The receptionist asked me how I came up with that and I explained about the doctor's visit. The receptionist started laughing and exclaimed "I am going to start using that excuse, it's priceless!"
So my fellow MyLotters, you now have a all purpose excuse for everything that goes wrong in your life, blame it on constipation! And, hopefully, you got a good laugh for the day...if not, blame it on constipation.
and after a bit of suffering and some home remedies I passed the crisis.
I got to see my new doctor issued to me by my insurance on Monday. I'm reserving judgment on her until I've seen her a few times. But the first meeting with her was interesting.
After the usual pleasantries she started the exam. I'm in fairly good shape for my age...other than a torn rotator cuff, bad knee, arthritis, asthma, bad back, and bad wrists. I'm not complaining...there are so many other people in worse shape than I am. But the interesting part is now coming up. The doctor listened to my intestines and stomach. She removed her stethoscope and shook her head and went to the desk and made some copious notes. While she was writing she shook her head and sighed. Needless to say I was getting very worried. Come to think of it so was Bill, who goes to the doctors appointments with me. Finally she got up, walked over to the exam table where I was sitting and said "I know the cause of all your pain..." I got excited as I have been in pain for 25 years!!! She then kind of cleared her throat and went on to say "Your pain is caused by..." I was hanging on every word in total excitement!!!!! I didn't expect the final word..."CONSTIPATION" The excitement flowed from my person like a toilet being flushed. Constipation??? Twenty five years of constipation??? Not likely.
I left the office with a prescription for "fiber" in my hand, shaking my head in disappointment. After all I didn't know anyone could be constipated for twenty five years without exploding. Plus, I am NOT constipated. After a few minutes of contemplation, I realized the beauty of the diagnosis! Just think, if you run a stop sign you can tell the police officer that you did it because you were constipated. If you are overdrawn at the bank you can blame it on constipation. If you burn dinner you did it because you were, you guessed it, constipated. It turns out to be the most useful diagnosis I have ever had! I had to make another appointment for an ultra sound on my left knee and I told the receptionist that we really don't need to reschedule the appointment. Of course she asked why, and the line was very silent when I told her that the pain in my leg is because I am "constipated". It remained quiet until I started laughing. The receptionist asked me how I came up with that and I explained about the doctor's visit. The receptionist started laughing and exclaimed "I am going to start using that excuse, it's priceless!"
So my fellow MyLotters, you now have a all purpose excuse for everything that goes wrong in your life, blame it on constipation! And, hopefully, you got a good laugh for the day...if not, blame it on constipation.3 people like this
4 responses
@cbjones (1147)
• United States
22 Sep 10
wish I could go back in time, to when I was maybe 12 or so, and use the constipation excuse for why I didn't do my homework.
I once tried to trick my dog into eating a math sheet I was supposed to finish one day. He didn't fall for it. Seem I underestimated my furry friends intelligence level. He obviously knew that ripped up paper didn't come with kibbles and bits.
Maybe he felt a little constipated that day? hmm...
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
22 Sep 10
I am going to college and a couple of years ago I adopted a pair of Siamese kittens. One of them, Khuay, loved to shred paper. I had finished a paper for one of the classes and had it sitting on the table for me to put in the folder for class the next day. Well you guessed it. "Shredder" attacked during the night. I didn't bother to tell the instructor the excuse, I turned in the homework in a zip lock bag. (I had made a copy of the paper that morning, since I do all my work on the computer) She was thumbing through the homework and came to mine. She held it up with a funny look on her face and asked "Who's homework is this?" I raised my hand and replied "I didn't think you would accept that the cat shredded my homework, so I turned it in." Of course the class had a good laugh. I then gave her the regular copy of the homework...with a picture of Khuay attached.
I really wish I had known about the constipation when I was in school. I used the diarrhea excuse once when I was late to class in high school. I embarrassed the teacher so badly that the class was excused for the day.1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157651)
• United States
22 Sep 10
I miss you when you are not around. You have a wonderful ability to make me laugh. I bet that is an excellent cure for constipation.
@GardenGerty (157651)
• United States
22 Sep 10
I can remember, from about the time I was eight or nine, if I was cross or did not want to do something, my Mom would say "Have you had a BM today?"
So my mother evidently was in on the secret. Not that she ever gave me anything for it, and that situation probably happened only a very few times.
I just wondered at that age what my bowel movement had to do with the issues at hand. At least she only prescribe fiber and not some ghastly colon cleanse system. 
Everyone seems to use that as a remedy for everything, so why not the doctor, as well.
So my mother evidently was in on the secret. Not that she ever gave me anything for it, and that situation probably happened only a very few times. I just wondered at that age what my bowel movement had to do with the issues at hand. At least she only prescribe fiber and not some ghastly colon cleanse system. Everyone seems to use that as a remedy for everything, so why not the doctor, as well.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
22 Sep 10
How ridiculous. 
.These doctors are something else nowadays. I hate to even have to go to one. They can really be wierd.
.These doctors are something else nowadays. I hate to even have to go to one. They can really be wierd. 