Living With Parents : Discussion

@SomeCowgirl (32273)
United States
October 2, 2010 12:01pm CST
I was checking my email when I saw this article pop up. I read it, and I have to tell you I am not quite sure what to think. It's not that the article is a bad article, it's actaully a wonderful read. In fact, there's nothing wrong with the article, except for the way it makes me feel. The couple in this article got married and soon moved out of their rental apartment because the lease was up. They found a nice place, a friend's parents, and were set to move in except renovations had to be made to the friend's parents new home before they could move out and let the newlyweds move in. Three months after they moved out of their own place, they moved into the rental place. I suppose it seems the author was complaining a bit, and that does get me a bit, but well I suppose I'm more jealous. A lot of you have read my discussions and know how indecisive I can be. After all how many discussions have I started where I beamed about this or the other and we've still not gotten anywhere? A Lot too many then I'd be want to count. This couple in the aricle had to move in with family but were able to move out again three months after they moved in! I guess I am just feeling down about myself. My husband and I should have our own place, we want our own place, but well I suppose we're just lazy people. My husband is a wonderful man, he has a job and I know he carries the most stress. I don't have a job but I am scared to really look. I need to get over those fears before I can seriously look for a job. Oh here's the article! http://www.shelterpop.com/2010/09/27/living-with-parents/ I have no questions for you but would like your opinions.
2 people like this
8 responses
@GardenGerty (88870)
• Marion, Kansas
2 Oct 10
Remember that in our earlier history, extended family always lived together. In my memory, my earliest memories are that my great grand lived in my grandparent's house. Over the years, if we have needed to, we kids moved in and out with my mother. (now deceased). I have had my great niece live with me, for a couple of years, then I had her mom and her here, now my son is separated and lives here, lost his house. My husband often went back home and stayed with his mom awhile, then would move out on his own. My one nephew lives with my brother, etc. etc. I guess what I am saying is that it is more normal than you realize. I do understand that you need a place of your own, and I am just encouraging you not to feel bad if it does not happen right away. What happened to the idea of putting another mobile on the property where you are?
• United States
2 Oct 10
GG just wanted to say that you are truly an inspiration and given me hope that all is not lost and that we do what we have to do to survive. Big kisses to you.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
I suppose I just wish we had a bit bigger of a place. My husband and I really only occupy one room though we have some of our things scattered throughout the house. I also suppose I wish we had a bit more quiet, we do have that in part of the day and at night, but we don't always have the option of watching the bigger t.v. and can't fit a chair in our room to be able to just sit instead of lay. I am thankful that we do have a place to live, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I keep saying we're going to do this and that but my husband and I are both smart enough to know we shouldn't go out and get in over our heads because of bills etc. We've seen that happen with family and friends and we know it's the best Idea. A doublewide or trailer on the property would be nice, but we've kind of strayed away from that for now. My husband and I were thinking we could rent a place for years and years until the time comes that we would need to move back in to this house to take care of his parents. As things stand, we will inherit this house, and possibly my mother's and I am not sure about my father's though I believe he may be renting? I doubt it as he's making repairs to the house. My mom lives in a trailer that has a tin roof, I've heard that you can't move a trailer or doublewide anymore unless they have proper roofing, maybe shingled? I am not sure if that's considered proper or not. I only mention the trailer because when she passes or when she goes to a home I could have the trailer moved to where we live now, though it would need new carpets, and the walls would need to be painted, the bottom cabinets would probably need to be redone... I know it must sound awful that we'd send my mom to a home but not my husband's parents. My mom is disabled, and the truth of the matter is she's stubborn. She needs to go somewhere now or well more personal things that I'd rather not go into... But as you can see we've got a lot of things we have to think about down the road, we're trying to make the best decisions for ourselves now so we can better take care of our parents in the future. Sorry for the long narrative again!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (88870)
• Marion, Kansas
3 Oct 10
Do not apologize for the long narrative. I have never seen one deleted. MyLot wants you to be as detailed as possible. You earn better that way, too. I can see where you are going with this, and one advantage to an apartment is you have no upkeep or lawn care. Maybe you guys could find a place that needed a manager, and you could do it.
1 person likes this
@NoWayRo (1063)
• Romania
2 Oct 10
My parents lived with my grandparents (on my mother's side) for their whole lives. For me, as a child, growing up with an extended family was great, I really didn't have a care in the world and an adult was around all the time to help me out. Looking back, I have to admit that there were tensions between my father and his parents in law that were never solved, and kept bursting out in the weirdest moments. I moved out of the house in my early twenties, but recently I had to move in again, not so much for financial reasons, but mostly because my father and grandfather are now alone - and two men in a house... argh, don't get me even started. To be honest, it's an absolute pain; they still treat me like I'm 10, and I'm immensely frustrated since I'm the only one who brings in money and does any work around the house. Can't shake the feeling of failure, though I don't know what other options I would have. So, my point would be this: if moving in with the parents for a limited amount of time would help you and your husband get your own place, then go for it. Just make sure you set a deadline for moving out again. If this would just alleviate some financial problems, make life temporarily easier, but would bring you no closer to your final goal, then try to find a different solution, no matter how hard it is.
1 person likes this
• Somalia
2 Oct 10
I see where you are coming from, in asian culture we are expected to take care of our elders when they grow old and are no longer capable of earning for themselves, the responsibilities almost always rest on the eldest son or daughter or oftentimes whoever is still single, which means that you'll probably remain single for the rest of your life. lol! But sometimes it could be the reverse, children never gettin out of the home even when already married and still subsisting on parents' income source. Sorry if I'm going out of context.
1 person likes this
@NoWayRo (1063)
• Romania
2 Oct 10
Hi amoyube1980, Thank you for the comment, you're not out of context at all. There's exactly the same situation here, only that the responsibility rests with the youngest son or daughter, we even have a special name for that child. But times are changing. For one, living spaces are getting smaller; having three generations in one apartment means we're always stepping on each other's toes. Also, couples have fewer children - for instance, I'm the only child, so it's a lot of responsibility and nobody to share. Last but not least, social welfare is supposed to take some of the burden, but it doesn't seem to work. I was always aware that I have to take care of my parents as they grow older, that's why I refused to leave the country when I had opportunities, I wanted to remain close to them. It's just living together in the same house that drives me nuts. I think Seinfeld once said that, no matter how you look at it, moving back with your parents after 30 cannot be presented as a sign of success. Couldn't agree more :)
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
My husband and I will most likely take a lot of the burden of taking care of both sets of our parents. Right now we still live with his parents, and have for three years. There was a short period of time where we moved out, but that was to help someone else. Now we are back and in ways we are itching to leave. I think that it is more that I am itching then that my husband is. I feel bad because in three years we should've saved our money but instead when we did get money we didn't save it or couldn't save it as wisely as we should. I quit my job to be with my husband more and at that time we were just bf and gf. Then I moved in with him and his parents, and we've been here since. I've had another job since then and my husband has had two. I need to find another job so that we can save more, or do something online to help save more. I guess I feel frustrated and overwhelemed, but I also feel bad. My husband and I could be helping more if we could move out but right now we can't. I know that I should do more, be more determined and start to save more, spend less and then before we know it we'd be ready for our own place, but right now we are just saving and spending, getting ready for our own place but not being able to save enough. I am sorry you are feeling a bit overwhelmend and cramped, but it is a good thing what you are doing. Is there a way that you can get a bigger place for your father, grandfather and yourself? or another way to get them more active so that maybe you won't bump heads if that is what is going on? (I do not meant to assume, and I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries).
@Memnon (2173)
3 Oct 10
Persionally, I believe that in today's climate it is difficult to rent or buy anywhere without one partner having a very good income (£40,000 PA- $63,300)or both partners earning. So you might just need that job, even if it's just part time. I would hate to live with relatives. Mine are very untidy, and untidiness depresses me just as much as having no money!
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
Yes I know I've got to get a job, or do something to earn a little extra even if it's just doing something a few days a week for minimal pay it would help. Wow that sounds pretty bad but I mean like dog sitting or even in the coming months shoveling snow etc. Mine are not untidy and their kind, lol.. It's just I want us to get out on our own. One member here suggested I look about maybe being an apartment manager, it'd kill two birds with one stone as I could get an apartment for free and I would be getting paid.
1 person likes this
@Memnon (2173)
3 Oct 10
That's not such a bad idea. It would sure be a starting point. Good luck whatever you get to do.
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@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
My husband mentioned I might have to take business classes which I thought about. It might not be a bad idea though as It would help down the road if we ever wanted to buy places and rent them out etc.
@amoyube1980 (2233)
• Somalia
2 Oct 10
Times are hard and we really must try to help each other the best way we can, but you really must make an effort to move out someday as living in an extended family sometimes causes friction among family members. And also I suggest you start venturing into the workforce because we can't really tell what's going to happen in future, therefore better be prepared with some skill. If you really doon't want to work for other people, perhaphs you can start with some hobby or learn some skill which you can turn into a business, with 12++ votes you must be an expert interpreneur by now.
1 person likes this
• Somalia
2 Oct 10
I meant 12000++ posts, lol! I must really be sleepy now, haha!!
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@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
I have tried to learn crocheting thinking I could sell some afghans or something of the sort for money. I would like to just be able to work for myself, maybe selling things such as produce, crafts, things of that sort. Maybe dog sitting and house sitting from time to time. That would bring in a little bit of money and would be better then nothing. I have a lot of posts, but not the money to go with it! Not that I am complaining, I am thankful for what I earn here. My experiences are of cashiering and stocking as well as waitressing, those are the jobs that I have had in the past.
• Somalia
3 Oct 10
The craft selling thing can be a good idea, maybe you can focus on them while mylotting and at the same time learning how to market online. I don't really know much myself about internet selling but I plan to learn when I get more free time and able to concentrate more on that, because right now my brain is all over the place. lol!
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
2 Oct 10
I think these days one does not have the luxury to lean on fears or our other half's check to live on. You need to put aside that silly excuse and help your family with work / income.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (88870)
• Marion, Kansas
2 Oct 10
I think you either need to find a way to earn a real income online, more than you do now, or you need to find a job, but it needs to be just right. While I am saying this to you, I am also talking to myself, as I am not working at a job right now. I do not mean it to be critical. We can live on what hubby brings in, but it is nicer and more secure if we do not have to do that. Is there some type of job you would like to train for? If so, do that before you take on the expense of rent. You will get to be on your own soon enough, go for the things you really want.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 10
GardenGerty, I hope you realized that your reply here is to my post and I think you meant to follow up on her post not mine. Still your point is on track, just not online with my response.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
climber7565, I am sure you mean well by what you say. I will be honest in saying I felt a little hurt by you saying "silly excuse". Yes it is an excuse, I won't deny that, but I would not call it silly. I did not go into detail on exactly why I am afraid of getting another job, but I don't believe my reasons are silly. I appreciate your response. Garden, I am going to be more serious in earning online so that we can save. I know that we do not need to get in over our heads before we look for our own place, and I do believe that I should have some sort of income atleast around $100.00 coming in before we even attempt to get our own place. Getting training is a good idea, there are two temp agencies around here that may be able to train me, though if they can't I could go to the big goodwill store, it's about 45 minutes drive and would be inconvenient so that would be my last resort.
@celticeagle (113039)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 10
I bet if you got a job you would really enjoy it and would laugh when you thought of the feelings you had before. The article sounds interesting. Have you ever had a job? If not the longer you wait the longer it will be. You could get into a place alot sooner if you were working too. Just a thought.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
Oh I know all these things! I've had work before, I'm having reservations because my work history wasn't the best, and because I've had interviews with no call backs. I know if I got a job we'd be able to get into our own place a lot sooner. I've thought about receptionist work, there was one on the county channel for like only a few days a week (I believe) and the pay was $8.00 an hour/ or maybe it was $11.00. They'd train me. I should look to see if it's still available as that would be something I could do. Well those jobs were taken, I just checked.. but I can check back often and see. I've also thought about maybe applying for Toys R US seasonally and then seeing if I can't get full time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (113039)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Oct 10
Good! If you have a mall near you sometimes they hire people to help during Christmas and also do the stocking up and so forth.
• Philippines
3 Oct 10
I am afraid to admit. but as a guy, i think I've also become afraid for looking for a JOB. it's october and it seems i can't even set a budget for my application, despite the effort of completing my requirements for employment. i didn't have the courage or the plan to conduct my application. I've applied to so many companies years ago. but then after quitting my last training, i seemed to be STUCK some how.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
I think that and with my employment history, I just am so afraid of getting a job, doing well and then getting fired and / or wanting to quit. I've had two interviews, and two no call backs. The first person I called back, the second one I did once, but I'm not wanting to call back again for fear of rejection.... I understand you feeling stuck!
• United States
2 Oct 10
I suppose living with parents as a married couple has it's ups and it's downs, however girl I want to say you have expressed your inner feelings and honey there isn't much more you can do. Living with parents years ago was more of a society acceptance, these days it is not looked at that way anymore as so many people have lost their jobs, their homes and many it is not their fault. It is not like you are both being lazy, as your husband is working and you are doing your best, so do not be so hard on yourself and do not worry what others think. I read the article and comments over there and some of those people have no idea what it would be like if per say they were doing well and all of sudden got down on their luck. So I am what I am saying is no one is perfect in life and we cannot judge others without looking within ourselves and those who cannot see us for who we are, well it is just their loss. God Bless.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Oct 10
Hi hardworkinggurl Thank you for your kind and sincere comments. I did not read the comments over at the article and I am glad I did not. I am thankful for what my husband and I have, and I am thankful and appreciative of what my husband earns for us, and all he does. I know he'd like to be able to stay at home too, and there are times that I know he's wished I could find a job. Part of it is my fault, I could be trying harder but first I have to get over the fear of rejection. My work history is not the best, but I also know that this long gap of not being employed isn't going to look good to others either. My last job I was laid off from in February. I am thankful for his parents who are very kind to us and buy things for us, they keep this roof over our heads. We do what we can to help, but sometimes I think I can be a bit ungrateful, I wish we had more responsibility and decision making, even as silly as the brand of toilet paper! I guess it's just longing for freedom, but it's not like they keep us chained up!