Unhappy Wife...

Philippines
October 14, 2010 1:04pm CST
When I was younger I used to to descriminate people who cheat to their partners behind their back. I don't understand how they could do such thing to someone they love. I never imagine myself I would be in a situation I hated most. I am not a flirty kind of woman. And as far as I'm concerned, when I love someone my heart belongs to him only. But when I ended up marrying a person who loves staying out late to have drinks with friends or hang out with someone God only knows who, I started having relationships with other men. I hate myself for that but the feeling of being in love and be loved is somewhat hard to resist. All I can think of is wanting to be happy even for that moment and treasure the feelings while it last. If you are an unhappy wife like me, maybe in a different situation like mine, would you see yourself cheating too or have you been there already?
2 people like this
9 responses
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
15 Oct 10
Hi, Sad to hear that your husband is not faithful to you and you should not get yourself having a relationship with other man although your husband may have betray you. You are just doing a revenge over him and you make yourself suffer at last. I don't think it is worhty to do so and you have to stop doing it again.or else you may never able to climb out from this big trap. Since your husband is not loving you anymore and always hang out late with friends,you can have a chat with him and probably end your relationship with him ,if you guys do not have any children yet. You can always get opinion from your parents or friends for some advices and always stay strong and be firm to your decision.
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Hi shia, we have 4 beautiful kids now. Sad to say that I have always tried to reach out to talk to him. He listens and asks for another chance but still do it again. I am not doing it for revenge. I don't mean to fall for another guy. As much as possible I try to avoid falling for someone. But I guess we cannot control our hearts and choose what to feel for someone. If I get my relatives, friends or my mothers advice, I am sure they would want me to end my marriage. That's why I don't ask their advice. They know my husband's drinking habit and they have witnessed him going him late when they visit me for the night but I don't give them the idea that I'm hurting and wanting to get out of this mess. Coz in the first place I am to blame for my hardheadedness. When we eloped, they tried to get me back and separate us but we fought for our love and stick together. I don't want to hear them telling me "I told you so" or "You should have not married him" thing.
1 person likes this
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
That is very difficult, It is really hard to be involved in such relationship. But If i were in you situation, I guess i may do such thing when my husband is always out and do not have time for me. It is my right to be love but when that time comes, i dont veen think whethere the love is right. I suggest that you will talk to your husband regarding his behavior. It is good if he knows your feelings so that you could also do some actions.
2 people like this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I know that it's tough to be in your situation and I could only imagine it while you are living it. I know you get a lot of comments like 'it is sad' but I guess sometimes in our life we just don't care anymore of what's right or wrong as long as we get a little bit of love - even if it's just temporary. However, you have not mentioned in your discussion that you and your husband have tried talking or making the marriage work. You never mentioned giving at least an effort to rekindle the fire of the relationship again. Further, you never mentioned divorce or separation as well. What is this type of relationship afterall? Is it an arranged marriage? I know deep in our hearts we have reasons, personal reasons that nobody else could understand. But to justify your actions of cheating by being with other guys to get the attention and love couldn't really cover the emptiness in your heart if you still love your husband deeply. People come and go, but you have the chance her to make things work. I wish you could try to make an effort to know your husband once again. Remind him of the love because maybe he's like that because he doesn't feel like your home is a place where he could be loved as well. I know you are capable of loving. I know you are capable of setting things right. If after everything you have done and tried to do there's still no change and there will never be a chance for change, then make the separation legal. Do not stay in a marriage where both of you have become strangers. Set him free and in turn set yourself free in order to truly feel what love is with another person who is willing to be the right husband for you. Good luck and I hope you'll find the light soon.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
17 Oct 10
Then leave. You don't need his approval because he doesn't care at all what you think anymore. What's stopping you?
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
14 Oct 10
I understand your situation. Yes,i am also a wife and a woman who wants to be cared and loved by the one we loved and married. But,if the situation is like what you've figured here,i know it's not a good reason to justify and cheat your partner,but somehow reasonable. No wife wants to cheat,nor dreamed of cheating and engaged their selves in immorality. Everything happens with a reason (good reason and justified)
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Thanks for the BR mark Again,i want to say that some people can easily give comments and give judgment without conviction. Unless they themselves is in the same situation,then they will find our how hard it is,or how it is to be in that situation. Have a great weekend ahead
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
if i would be in your situation maybe i can think of cheating too, but you should talk to your husband too. because it is not good example for your kids that you are unhappy with your husband and that is why you are flirting with others.In the eyes of many you are the bad one, so better talked with your husband and decide one thing, whether you make your marriage work out or cut it off.
• Portugal
15 Oct 10
sweety i understand your situation right now im also having problems with my bf and we are far away but i wont cheat on him. i will be honest and say that im not happy. and i will ask him if he really wants to be with me or not. i always decided to be direct and honest so i wouldnt be unhappy. i advise you to talk with your husband and tell him that you are not happy anymore and end that marriage. that way you can find a guy that really loves you and you dont need to hide yourself to live that love^^ right now you hate yourself bcs you cheat in your hubby and sure is not right what you are doing but is his fault also bcs doesnt give you love and care. so please dont be with him no more. go find a better guy that loves you^^ talk with your husband and ask the divorce^^ we all deserve to be happy and love should be lived in a happy way and not hiding yourself^^ wish you the best^^ and if need talk im here to listen to you^^
• Philippines
16 Oct 10
Thank you very much for your concern. I really appreciate it. You're a good person. I hope you will have a good family in the future coz you deserve it.
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Hello, I have been married for 23 years and we have just celebrated our anniversary 6 days ago. Like any other, our marriage was not match made in heaven and of course we had our share of ups and downs. It was never an easy path but through it all, it never occurred to me to cheat on my husband because doing so will only add to the gravity of any situation. Just like you said, a guilty conscience is even harder to deal with as this will only become a conflict within one's self and even more than the guilt is the fear of being found out. If you can't resist the urge to do those kind of things, it is better that you settle first with your husband and talk about legal separation or annulment of your marriage so that you could go your separate lives and be with people who truly gives you much love and happiness. Infidelity is not a simple sin that will only affect your relationship with your husband but it is definitely a sin that will bring you farther away from God. Who wouldn't want to be happy, but if we want to be truly happy we should think of others too specially if we have kids. I am sorry that you have to experience such but I believe you should consider your self more and think of what it's going to do to you in the long run. I pray that you will be free of this guilt soon and find real happiness that you are looking for. God be with you.
@emarie (5454)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I got married at 18 and I've been married for 8 years now. The thought of cheating never crossed my mind. I actually think its horrible. My husband had a previous marriage before me and she cheated on him with his best friend and it wasn't like he was out drinking, he was working hard to make a living for them. He wanted to forgiver her but she decided to end it anyway. I honestly think cheating because there is no love is just an excuse people give themselves to make them feel better about what they did. If I had a serious problem with my husband and I felt he was out too much (which he has done, but not to drink, to go out and play games at arcades or go-kart racing) I'd let him know before trying to seek love from another man. I think it's very disrespectful to that person to not talk about your problems with your mate before consoling yourself with someone else. If anything, I still want my husband to be more affectionate but I won't go looking for another man to keep me company. I feel if people are having doubts about their relationship they should solve that problem with their partner first and if it still doesn't work they need to be separated before dating someone else can begin because relationship which stem from cheating never work out.
@ip5217 (1656)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Your situation is hard. Temptations are left and right and if you are in this kind of crisis, then it's hard to resist getting even with your partner. I don't think it's good to solve a problem with another potential problem. If both of you are not happy; talk about it and if it's about time to part ways then go ahead. At least you have a graceful exit.