I helped him but was it wrong?
By shibham
@shibham (16977)
India
October 24, 2010 4:26am CST
Hi everyone.
I have a friend (not so close). He is a struggler. He has lots of responsibilities towards his family but yet he has no job. He is in search of a job and asked some advices to me very often. He is just less educated than me so he think i have more knowledge than him, but i don't think so.
Yesterday, he called me saying that he has a written interview today. I wished him and stopped the connection saying to be prepared for the interview.
To day, i am being online for almost last 5 hours. Three hours ago, he again called me asking the answers of some tough questions. I said him that i am online and i have all the opportunity to find out the real answers. This way i have answered to more than 15 questions searching in internet. he get satisfied but i am confused thinking what i have done?
I don't know whether i am wrong here or right. I know that this is not the right way to help someone but i had no second option as he has no job and has responsibilities of another 5 members of his family.
Am i wrong or right? Please tell me. i am on the way to regret.
Have you ever helped someone this way?
thanks in advance.
5 people like this
18 responses
@vandana7 (98870)
• India
24 Oct 10
Shiby - I dont think it is right, though I can understand your reasons. First and foremost, you dont really know who else was there applying for job. Perhaps somebody who needed the job more than your friend (not so close). Effectively, you spoilt his chances! Secondly, if your friend wants the job badly enough, he should be preparing hard for the interview. He is being lazy! And you are supporting that! Tomorrow he will continue with his sob stories, and you would end up sharing his responsibilities! No... that is not the way I would have done for sure. And lastly, how can you be so sure he is truly the right candidate for the job? Today you helped him, he gets the employment. Tomorrow, the employer finds him lacking in some areas and throws him out! Is that really helping him? Does it not destroy his confidence? Wouldn't the other colleagues be around in that shameful moment? And may be he would no longer be able to get an employment!
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
25 Oct 10
Hi vandie..
That's the fact which leads me to get regretted. Very true that there may be someone else who is more needy to a job and may be his conditions are worse than him. But as he requested me and i have no alter way to find a job for him, so i thought that was i can do for him. He knew that i am about to help him so i did not refuse him. You may say i did not wish to hurt his faiths towards me.
All those content that you have written are very truth. There is no doubt but just a help may recover his condition. Already said that the cause of my regret is all those feelings that you have said.
yes, he is not my close friend. I have no close friend in the world with whom i share my all everything.
Have a nice day and thanks for the valuable speech.
@gunagohan (3414)
• India
24 Oct 10
This is really a helpful thing which could fetch a good job for your friend.
There is no wrong i find in this, if he has the internet, he would have searched it for the answers.
So, he asked your help to find it.
I find nothing wrong in this.
Have a happy life!
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
24 Oct 10
Hiya shibs,
You are right to help him as you feel fit. He will benefit with any good advice that will take him to any Door that is waiting to be knocked on. He might find a Job more easily now. So I would not be confused altogether you are probably wondering have I given him the right kind of advice? Did I do the right thing? Don´t worry so,
he will know himself where to go and what to do also with you and others helping him. You have done the right thing he will probably ask you again and again as he sees you as his Friend and Friends are always there to help each other.
I would like to think that I have helped someone sometime somewhere although like you I can have my doubts too.
I hope he finds a Job maybe you can post and tell us if he does.
he will know himself where to go and what to do also with you and others helping him. You have done the right thing he will probably ask you again and again as he sees you as his Friend and Friends are always there to help each other.
I would like to think that I have helped someone sometime somewhere although like you I can have my doubts too.
I hope he finds a Job maybe you can post and tell us if he does.1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
24 Oct 10
hi angel..
you are right that by my help he may manage a job. it may bring the lightness to his life much better.
No, i don't think that i have given him the wrong answers because all answers are collected either from wikipedia or some reliable sources of net.
But the matter is the way by which i helped him was not fare, i think. you know that i am a professor. we never allow a student to bring cellphone inside an examination hall. So how can i help my friend through cell phone where as he was in a examination hall? it's the matter... which makes me to think all these as wrong.
sure, i will inform all of you if he gets a job.
have a nice day. take care.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
24 Oct 10
Shiby sweetie, you might have helped him even deeper into trouble here.
I know you did it as you thought it was helpful.
The right way would have been for him to come to you and search for those answers himself.
I cannot see how he can think for himself, no offense.
He has a family to support, so a bit of brain power is always helpful in that regard.
TATA.
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi saphie.......
Yes, i always help a needy person and will help in future. If he/she is a stranger then too no case, i am always. Here is an Indian sentence " Atithi Devo Bhava..." which means guests are like god.
Anyway, How he can come? he was sitting on examination hall and had no prior informations about the questions.
Have a nice day.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
26 Oct 10
Shiby, let me get this here.
You helped him while he was writing something like an exam?
Do you know how much trouble both of you will have about that?
It is good to help people, but not that way.
That my dear friend is what we call unethical, okay.
Please don't do that again.
1 person likes this
@mlhervas (482)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I think there is nothing wrong with helping your friend to pass the exam for the job. The only problem is what he would do if he is accepted to the work and don't know what to do. Would he still call for you when he is on the job already? would you still be there for him. If he can prove that he is independent after the he is accepted to the job then it is alright.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
25 Oct 10
Hi Mlhervas..
You have the point which lead me to think all this matter deeply. I know that he has the ability to handle the job and it's sure that i am not always with him. I live far long away from him so no chance ever. I think he is not the person who will ask help after getting the job.
Have a nice day.
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
27 Oct 10
Hello Shibham,
I think there is no need to regret now as you have helped a friend on yours and who deserved the help. It is natural we forget about the logic for thinking about friend’s plight. I know the reasons for your regret as you think that you done some unfair for other candidates. But once you have done the same, you can’t undo it. So just forget about it. Here in India, many candidates who get jobs are not deserved it. Financial influence is very high. Just relax that you have done some favour for a deserved person.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 10
Hi,
It is good to help a friend,but there is a limitation on the
part that you should help.
I believe your friend is having a big burden since he has 5
members of his family need to be supported and he is jobless at
this moment. Not an easy phase for him.
Of course, at this point of time, you need to support your friend
when he need your help,but you can only help him up to your
limitation and he has to find his own way to faster get a job.
Wish your friend good luck in his job hunting.
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi shia.....
I hope. once he gets a job then he will not be more needy and will be able to set up his life with his own effort. I know, how a guy feels, if he is jobless having a good academic career. It's true that if he get the job, then his burden will be lessened. I do believe.
Have a nice day. take care.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Hi, Shibham.:)
Hush, dear. You shouldn't regret what you did. Your intention was only to help, and if he gets the job because of your help then you should be happy for him.
You have done your part and the rest is all up to him. Sometimes other people need a little luck and help form us to get them starting. You did your best to help him, now, it is his choice and responsibility not to waste the opportunity you helped him get it and prove to himself and to you and his employer that he is worthy of getting the job.:)
I am curious, though. Is it possible that he can use pc to ask a friend for answers? What kind of job was that?
I haven't helped anyone exactly the same. We have a bit stricter rules here. But if I were in your shoes, I'll do the same, too.:)
Have a lovely evening, dear.:)
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi eureka...
Yes, there were no intention either except extending my helping hand. I had the opportunities to help a needy person and helped. If he get the job then i will be the most happy person next to him.
Actually he was in the examination hall and i was in front of my laptop with net. He asked me through his phone. That was a civil job where maximum question was hard to answer. So he get nervous and asked me..
Thanks that you have a kind heart to help someone. Have a nice day.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
dont regret honey. for me you did it right. your intention is not bad and that is God wants. you did your part to help him and in the final written interview, he should do his part too.
he just wanted some help from God and you are so lucky since God choose you to help him. you are his angel.
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi markleob...
okay... No more regret now. Yes, i do believe that he has the complete efficiency to deserve the job. He will and i hope. Actually all those question was too hard...
can you tell me 100$ = how many indian rupees now? I think without checking on net too hard to answer. Can you tell me the full name of Pele... without misspelled? hahaha...
So he needs the help.
thanks for compliments. Have a nice day.
@mauie0918 (337)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Helping someone especially those who are closed to you is a way of showing them your love. Well, your friend needed really your help and I think you did a good a job! If he was taken in that job then you did a great part of his life.
@Krizz420canada (531)
• Canada
25 Oct 10
Well I don't think your wrong because you want to help a friend but I do think it's wrong to be helping on his written interview. He is a adult and should know what he is applying for before doing it. I know you just had it in your best interest but if you don't let this guy do things on his own or he gets the job because of your answers then what? Then you will have to help him keep that job next and that shouldn't be your responsibility. Hope all works out for you
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi krizz....
I know and understand that i should not help anyone on his/her written examination but if you were me, then what would you do?
I do believe that he has the complete ability to deserve the job. You know, here all jobs are sold and bought. If you have a huge amount of money to donate or bribe, then okay otherwise get a life. No efficient person is here in most services.
have a nice day.
@glenapetite (37)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I think it would be best if you follow your heart here. For me there's nothing wrong if you help him out, anyway, it's just an interview.
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
24 Oct 10
I think you have done a better task for your friend and there is no doubt in it! Because I know that helping a needy person by money or food or clothes is a good help. Helping in intellectual manner is a better help. And helping with encouragement for moral or spiritual values is the best help. God provides us opportunity to help a person in any manner as above! We should not have any second thought over it! Helping a needy person in any manner always boosts up the moral courage among us and through this way God also extends His helping support for us at the time of our needs! Your help to your friend is really praise-worthy!
Keep on your helping spirit always and God must help you!!
@shibham (16977)
• India
26 Oct 10
Hi Mitraa...
After a long time, you are in my discussion. Thanks for coming.
Very well said. I am always helpful to everyone even to a stranger. I do believe that if I can help a needy person, then definitely i also be helped by someone and it's truth. But sometimes i think that if my help makes him dependent to someone all the time... Then it will be considered as bad. So i regret someday.
have a nice day.
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
24 Oct 10
Hi Shibham brother.. Until you feel he is the right person for that job there is no need to regret for you.. you have done the right thing by helping him to earn his daily bread for him and his family.. So never worry so much about.. helping others is good fact that too you have helped your friend for a good purpose so dont regret at all.. be calm brother..
@shibham (16977)
• India
24 Oct 10
hi chaitra...
yes, i think he is a right person but you know in India money is more important than education and knowledge. So he is being deprived off from jobs for years as he has lack of financial assistance.
yes, you have influenced me. take care.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13106)
• Portugal
24 Oct 10
you are right in helping him^^ you gave him a way to be accepted in that job^^ maybe that test was to see if he was intelligent^^ thats why they made general culture questions^^ me also i helped my friends in school in exams^^ i always told them the answers i choose for them to choose the same^^ is not wrong to help our friends^^ im sure that you did the right thing^^ and im sure that your friend appreciated your help and wont forget what you did for him^^ you are a sweet guy^^ dont regret to do sweet things^^ and i wish that he gets the job^^ and if he gets for sure he will be too happy^^ and his family also^^ so when we help someone we must always be proud of ourselves^^ and dont regret^^ 
@shibham (16977)
• India
25 Oct 10
Hi sweet...
At first thanks for your lovely speech. I am influenced by it. Although you have said that i did well but as you read the response of vandana and starlight, then i think they have also points which is the cause of my regret.
I too wish that he gets the job so that he and his family can come out from poverty and easily can handle the life.
Thanks for your compliments and have a nice day.
@starlight_starbright (810)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
There is a common notion that "never give a man a fish, instead teach him how to fish". I am not so certain of the correct saying but it simply means that helping someone by giving him something easily because you only want to be of help to him is not actually helping that person. You may save him for today or for this moment but same thing might still happen and you can't do anything like that to help him the second time around. As for your friend's case, I guess you mind at all if he so happened to be someone really close to you. Honestly speaking, it wasn't right helping him that way. I guess encouraging him and wishing him luck is more than just a help to him. Now, it's a given fact that you have already helped him so there is no way of regretting or feeling bad about it. I just wish that he would do well and may serve as a remarkable thing a friend could have ever done for his friend. You just have to think that you only want to help. And by any means, you have helped him and it's all that. Take it easy man! You did it in good faith and to harm others, right? Keep cool! ^_^
@shibham (16977)
• India
25 Oct 10
Hi starlight....
Nice quote. "never give a man a fish, instead teach him how to fish". It is correct saying and i am hundred percent agree with it. It is right that he wad dependable totally on me, he had lost his confidence so he ask my help and i did. Although i was answering, i was feeling uneasy because the way was not proper. I better know but there were no chance to refuse. There was no doubt that he has the complete ability to deserve it, yet he needed my help.
Yes, i only wanted to help him, not ruin his career. Yes, i have harmed someone else who might be better than him and thats why my regret.
Have a nice day and thanks for contribution.
