When do you let your children go?
By beeh13u
@beeh13u (1038)
Philippines
November 6, 2010 11:30am CST
Hello mylotters.
I like to know from parents out there about this discussion or from people who question this too.
I am the fourth and the second-to-the-last child of the family. I am 20 years old but still living with my parents. But this is not about me. I am still young to live on my own. I don't have a job but I already have a license to practice my profession. So as my sisters and brother. But my father can't let them go even if they still can support themselves.
The eldest is already 27 and she's still here with us. I don't mean to drive her away but I am wondering if she wants to get married now. All her friends are married but my father doesn't want her to. He wants her to be successful first before settling to such thing. Success to him is going abroad because he believes that there is a better future there compared to living here. He is right, I definitely agree.
But her youth is fading. And it is hard for her seeing that her friends are happy. She is not allowed to date too but I know she has a boyfriend. I can't help pity her. She's getting sadder every day. It's hard for the guy as well. What if he'll have to leave her because of it? I am so worried about her.
I don't know if my father will let me go as well. But I'll try hard to have a great career so that I'll earn money and be rich then he'll have to let me go.
2 people like this
7 responses
@marriedman111399 (1207)
• United States
7 Nov 10
Well I think your father is only being protective with you kids and he wants the best for you and your other siblings. It is a good idea to start to earn money and save it before you move out on your own because it is not cheap to live out there. You now have so many things to pay for by yourself. As far as him not letting your sister date I dont agree with that. She is of age to date and I dont think right now it is going to change her mind about still living at home.
1 person likes this
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
I think you're right. She should have saved up. It's free living here, so no extra bills to pay. But a little freedom is all she needs. She gets so lonely once in a while. She should be allowed to date even if my father will follow them during the date. LOL. At least they can be together.
@saqi78 (1402)
• Malaysia
7 Nov 10
I think your parents should think about it, as you told, she is already 27 and she is still under control of your father. I think your father should be a sensible man and he should know the merits and demerits of this thing. How much her boyfriend can wait for her, another 2 or 3 years then after that, what she ll do and what your father ll do... He should think about it
In my opinion she should go out and should live her life freely, it is her right...:)
1 person likes this
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
Yeah. She already accomplished so much. I think she deserves to be free. I know she wants to but I can't understand why she can't tell it to my dad. Maybe she's scared that our family will become more problematic as it already is. It will break father's heart. :(
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
6 Nov 10
Every parent and child is different.... children obviously grow up and want to be independent but theres not a specific age where they should not live with their parents. You could live with your parents but still have a job and pay for your stay like you would pay rent to a landlord. I do think its important to get your own place when you are ready though because eventually you will meet someone and want to spend time with them and no matter how much parents love and care for you and want you to be independent, if you still live in their house its hard to do everything you want to do.
1 person likes this
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
I'm not sure if my sister likes to move out. We don't talk to our parents about it since they'll get angry. But I know she can support herself now. She is old enough and responsible to live by her own. She just get scared on my father's reaction if the subject is opened up.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
7 Nov 10
forgive me but i think that does not sound right. parents have obligation to rear their children and do their best to bring them to school and let them do as they wish after wards. it is like manipulative to me. no parent has the right to control their children's life especially if they are grown ups already. your sister deserves to live the life she wanted for herself.
1 person likes this
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
Yeah. That's right. It's a part of parenting. Dad should let us go and let us plan our life. He should be confident that are decisions are right since he is the one who raised us. It's really hard living this kind of life. We are not allowed to speak up and share our view. It is always his. When we talk he laughs and thinks it as a joke. He was the one who decided the course we took on college. Now, he also decides where we should work. I know he is doing it for the best, but sometimes it gets irritating. It's unfair to the eldest. Hope my sister is happy here.
@toniganzon (72279)
• Philippines
7 Nov 10
It depends on which country you are. As a mother, I couldn't imagine my son living a life independently away from us at the age of 18 or 20. I'd rather have him with me until he gets married. But of course I would never hold him down to settle when he finds the right girl at the right age and time. I want to supervise my son in everything until he gains wisdom and I am confident enough he could live life learning from his own mistakes.
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
Oh, I am too young to have a place on my own too. This discussion is about my sister. She can support herself with her salary now but my father still wants her under his rule. He told her that it's not right to get married yet since there's no good life here in the country. He wants her to go abroad. Sadly, there aren't any jobs available related to her career. But all I want is a little bit of freedom to her like allowing her to have a boyfriend.
@calpro (930)
• India
7 Nov 10
After 20 years parents should let the children to be on their own,why because they are not still the little ones they have grown up and they need their individuality to be developed.
You cant spoon feed at the age of let them learn on their own.My parents asked me to start my life on my own at 20.I am pretty sure if they let them go they are sure gonna make some thing great in life.
All the best.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Wow, this discussion definitely didn't go in the direction that I thought it was going. That said, I think that the time that a parent should let their child out into the big bad world is when they are ready to be on their own both financially and emotionally. I was 28 years old when I moved into my own house with my husband and children. However, I was married at the age of 24 years old and had my first child when I was 22 years old.
