Thoughts on Open Relationships? Can they work?

Canada
November 8, 2010 8:38pm CST
I have been thinking a lot lately about open relationships. These are only things that I have heard about for others - I've always stayed away from the idea. I guess I'm a bit jealous when it comes to relationships. Personally, I can't picture my man dating, or sleeping with another person. The thought totally freaks me out. But... I have heard of open relationships really working for people. What are your thoughts? I think I'm probably being a bit closed minded about the whole thing - perhaps? Have any of your ever had one? Are you in one now? What are the rules? What are the expectations? What do you bring back to, and leave outside of the bedroom? I guess my big reason for feeling an immediately negative response to open relationships is not because I don't agree with the fact that they can be very healthy and suitable for certain people - but rather because my relationship personality is one that is very.... invested. I give my man everything; my heart, my mind, my soul - and he fulfills me completely. I don't think I'd be able to KEEP UP with another partner. Does it really work for everyone involved? Or is there always one person left slightly on the outside, just settling. Thoughts?
3 people like this
12 responses
jypsyjulia
@jypsyjulia (912)
• United States
9 Nov 10
Personally, I could never do one. To be in an Open Relationship, one has to be VERY objective and I don't see how one person wouldn't feel left out. Three's a crowd, as they say. It's the human condition; we're all very possessive and jealous creatures. I don't even consider myself a jealous person but having to share my boyfriend intimately might do me in. Maybe for some people it works, but I want that connection with just one person.
missjstevens
@missjstevens (13)
• Canada
9 Nov 10
It's certainly a delicate subject... Thanks for your thoughts.
strawberryboy
@strawberryboy (27)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I think open relationships are, like what you've said, unhealthy. But that would be hypocritical of me to say that because currently I am in one. Just to share, I am with a guy, but we're not really officially together but it seems like it. Knowing that, I meet with other people as well because the thing is, we are not together with this guy. So I could say that I am in a pseudo-open relationship. Anyway, I think there are rules as to how an open relationship should go, I mean, you basically start with two people who agree to explore with other relationships to discover more about their own. That is how I see it. And by doing that, they would learn from those other relationship, how it went--did do good? or did it do bad-- and apply what they learned to theirs. I don't think it would work for everyone especially for the conservative. But I don't think that it would not work as well. Bottom line, it still depends on the preferences of those that are in the "starting" relationship and what they would think would make their relationships healthier.
maean_19
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I think it really depends. But, as for me, I cannot bear with it too. Who would want your man to be dating or sleeping with another girl? I cannot bear the fact to be sharing attention and time with another girl. What if he treats the other more sweetly or more care than I am? I am not the jealous type, but I do hate that kind of set up. It is less than a commitment and security.
2004cqui
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
9 Nov 10
I've known a few couples who had open relationships. The younger they are the more likely they'll do this. As time goes on this is far less likely. I don't know why, I can only guess. Children, career, a home, vacation, it all gets in the way of "partying". Now what I wonder about is the young people who practice polygamy. I'd like to find out how that turns out over time!
calpro
@calpro (930)
• India
9 Nov 10
Hi,MissJStevens, Being in relation with a person (that can be a lover or spouse) is giving everything to him/her.Our love,affection,care,heart in a single giving our "life". I am married to my wife eight years ago,Till date we love each other like we loved each other on the first day of our married life.We cannot even think about another person even in our dream. We trust each other love each other and we provide a healthy and loving environment to our son,thereby making him a good citizen. The same principle applies when it comes to date also. A no string attached dating or open relationships is pretty annoying,you don't know whether she/he will have an attachment to you and how long the relation continues. Finally we are humans one relation at a time and for people like me one relation for life. I didn't mean to hurt any body who is involved in open relationships,but I sincerely feel the culture is not required for human. Happy living.
bench184
@bench184 (3)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
Well in an open relationship few of them were successful and few of them failed. It's all about honesty. I know several couples who are in an open relationship and they have been in 5 years or more. Some people failed in an open relationship because sometimes they could hardly maintain their emotions. But for me? I would rather go into a close relationship than open relationship because in that way i can truly assure that someone besides me is always in me no matter what happen. Contentment is one major foundation of a strong relationship.
brew2x
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I'm always serious when it comes to relationship that is why I think being in an open relationship won't work for me. I want my man to be mine alone and I can assure him that I am faithful. For me, being in an open relationships seems like you are playing around.
sender621
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
9 Nov 10
I don't see how an open relationship can really work. You are just leaving the door open for a better opportunity than you have to come along. There is no commitment in a open relationship, how can it truly survive?
laniekins
@laniekins (4579)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I will still stick to conventional old fashioned way of treating a relationship. I have a big expectation in a relationship and if I really love the man, I give my 95% of love. If I don't love the man for a certain reason, I might apply this one. There are many words created for having a relationship such as constantly dating, Mutual Understanding, open relationship, I laugh at it cause I don't understand why this relationship exist. For me there is only four stages of developing a relationship, First: Getting to know each other. Second: Courting stage Third: having a relationship as Bf/Gf. Fourth: Marriage. Nothing Follows-
angelkillah
@angelkillah (26)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
It's the term "exclusive" that makes an open relationship no chance of working. I mean if you and your man can't settle with each other why are you together in the first place? If you can't be honest and devoted then you should end that relationship and move on. In my opinion, it will just cause a great deal of drama and emotional hurt for both parties.
Toni
@toniganzon (72279)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I couldn't really imagine myself being involved in an open relationship. I'm a selfish person and I just want somebody's attention on me, love and everything. If that person can't be loyal to me then I should find somebody else who would because it really kills me to know that my man is another woman's man too.
Lexielilly
@Lexielilly (173)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
I think it will not hold waters. It is essential that respect and trust be in a relationship...