I'm a Prisoner

Philippines
December 7, 2010 1:47pm CST
Yes, I feel like this. Just a few days ago, I was thinking of paying a friend's son a visit at the hospital. A common friend told me that there will also be other friends, so, I feel excited meeting other people that I only get to interact virtually. Then my bubble was blew when hubby said 'no'. Of course, I had to tell him because I need to bring the kids with me or if not, he needs to watch over them while i'm out.But, I didn't get too far... I am upset because I realized now that I am like a prisoner. I don't go out as often as I want. I can only do that if he takes me out and the kids. I have no social life anymore. I don't see other people except him and the kids and the people from the neighborhood of which I have no interest of mingle with... I feel so suffocated!!! Share your thoughts ,dear. Am I being too harsh on myself?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
8 Dec 10
Hi Eurekafemme, You need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you feel. You are allowing him to control you and it is making you miserable. Eventually, it will get to you and start to break apart your marriage. It is not healthy for you to always be with just him and have no life of your own.
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
Even when we were just sweethearts, I was having problem with him being like this. I'm not sure why he doesn't want me to see other people. I tried talking to him about it but he just kept quiet. Before my youngest came , a 9 month old baby girl, my 3 year old daughter and I would sneaked out and go to wherever I want to take her. We can only do that when he is out on a trip or working late outside. We don't have to worry about asking his consent. I know that it isn't really healthy. It is putting a toll on my physical and mental well being....I think even my spiritual health is affected...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Well it is good that you are at least sneaking out some but still, you have that feeling of being a prisoner. Oh, I am sure that your spiritual health is affected also. How could it not be? I hope that soon you will find the strength to stand up for yourself and take control of your life. You would be so much happier. I know you probably don't want to make waves and rock the boat but really, he doesn't seem to be concerned about your happiness and well being or even care what it is you want.
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
I don't know what he cares about anymore. He often thinks of finding money and acquiring those earthly things like a car or new clothes or shoes, blah, blah, blah... Having a little freedom from him will truly makes me happy but with kids to consider, I just can't be on my own. At least, not now but I am hoping I will in the future...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
Hello Eureka, Well, You're not alone. Maybe the problem isn't as complicated as yours but I too had been a prisoner of my own doubt, fear and neglect loss for so many years. I can't get out too with out asking for permission. I think having kids is really hard, it's a line between being a parent sacrificing you're own happiness and being out side seeing the whole world. I don't know, but this is something you really need to think and do for yourself. Instead of being a Prisoner,maybe you can do something that can save money and finally let him go.having three kids is not a joke at all.you better plan something. God-Bless to you and you're kids.
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
Hi, Knight.:) You see, you do realize that your case isn't as hopeless as mine. The only enemy you got is yourself. You have no other excess baggage to think of. Having to figure out yourself and finally accepting what seems to be the problem is a good start. You'll be out of that cage soon, dear.:) That's what exactly what I am trying to do right now. I know I need to find a job and free myself from depending on him. But, when and how to start it seems a little difficult than I thought. But, I will sure figure it out sooner or later.:( Thanks, Knight.:)
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
You can either hire a maid, if it's affordable. or you can have one of you're closest relative (if there's any) to stay and baby sit you're kids while you look for a job. those were the two things that my mom used to take when she was still working as a teacher. you really can't do it on you're own if you alone takes care of the kids.
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
Hi Knight.:) I have already thought of this idea but before I can start working on my plans, he told me that he doesn't want an additional soul in our house... I believe he told me this because he often finds it hard to deal with other people (makisama). He also told me that my would be salary will only goes to the maid's wages.Though, I'm not daunted by this, but, I know for real that without getting his support on this, I can't do much...
• United States
7 Dec 10
You are not being to harsh on yourself. I guess he doesn't realize that your mental and emotional health depend on some sort of social interaction with others. I do not deal well with control freaks like that. I like my freedom, even though I don't have any right now either!!
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
I do love my freedom, too. but right now,I don't have much choice. You see he has the upper hand because he is the one providing for this family and my roles are to take care of everything which he can not especially the kids... I have a 9 month old daughter and it is not a good thing to just leave her with him and I couldn't argue with him either if he doesn't like her to go out since i'll just be meeting my friends...
• United States
13 Dec 10
I do understand that! I know it is a difficult situation at best. Just try to be at peace with yourself and your decisions as much as you can..
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
I am trying, Macdingolinger. I tried to avoid thinking about going out and meeting friends because the more I think of it the more I will desire to go out and meet them. It is useless to hope when I know that it is next to impossible... Thank you for the kind words, dear.:)
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
You should say that to him or else you're gonna be like that for the rest of your life. Couples should discuss matters like this. You have to fight for your right.
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
I didn't bother to say a word after he said no. I know I will not win against him. My kids are always my top priority and if he says he can not take care of them, I know he can't and will not...
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
Ok. Seems like you've decided already. In that case, i wouldn't expect some changes soon. I'm very sorry for your situation. Have a nice day. :)
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
I have no choice and I am weak when it is my children's welfare that id at stake....
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
9 Dec 10
Hi ! I can understand your agony eureka. I think he could have allowed you to pay a visit to the hospital, as we are supposed to help/see each other, when the other person is in distress or in some kind of trouble.There is a saying here - 'if you cannot be with others in their happy moments, try to be present with them in their sad moments/occasions' as they would need your company more, when they are in distress. However, please do not feel like a prisoner, even if you could not go to the hospital, you may convince him about your visit at an appropriate occasion.
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
It isn't just one occasion, dear, that he refused to let me go. There were times when he planned to go elsewhere but when I told him that I'll go somewhere else, too, he canceled his plan, stayed at home and did not allow me to go, either. It is not too often that I wish to go out and see my friends. For almost two years now, I haven't seen the shadow of any of my friends here in the city because he wouldn't let me...And, I can only go out as long as he's also coming along with me...Visit the relatives but no seeing of friends.. I don't understand, dear.... So, can you blame me for feeling like I am in prison?
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
15 Dec 10
I will have to use some harsher words, not allowing you to go to meet your friends is form of cruelty and form of domestic violence and it is unacceptable. (No, you are not to be blamed if you used the term 'prison', now your comments have made the picture clearer to me). Keep you cool dear.
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
7 Dec 10
I'm sorry sweetie. Okay, who the hell doe s he think he is for telling you what you can or cannot do? What re you, furniture? If i were you i will take the kids and go. Damn idiot. Sorry that is my rant, good night then. TATA.
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
The thing, dear, is that I am having difficulties carrying the two kids all by myself. The 3 year old is already a handful for me , plus, the 9 month old is equally as active as her big sister.Plus, the venue was in a hospital so I don't want to get blamed if my kids caught a virus or something. My kids are too sensitive when it comes to illnesses. Sigh... I think I have to wait until my youngest can walk on her own... don't be upset, dear. Have a goodnight's sleep ,then.
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
8 Dec 10
I still wish i could get my hands on him.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
Yes that is the life of the wife. But not all other have their social life so they are free to go anywhere as long as they are know with their husband. Sometimes husbands are very selfish they only wanted their wives keeps for themselves and they are almost wanted to lock their own wife. yes sometimes our life is full of mystery. hope those husband be understanding sometimes..
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
It is ok to keep your husband and kids in your top priority ,thus, sometimes, disallowing you to have a social life as often as you used to have when you were still single. But, actually not having one at all is a different story... Why can't we see friends and socialize with them even once in a while? We are not doing anything wrong... Ah, some husbands are too paranoid and mine is I guess, one of them....
@eamr_25 (26)
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
I am prisoner of my own self... I dont know how to fight my insecurities that's why Im afraid to interact with other people whose not introduce to me by our common friends. I dont usually start a conversation because Im afraid of to speak what's on my mind cause it might be not good to them or they can't relate...
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
No, Eamr. You are too young to waste your energy feeling so insecure. Of course, when you go out there, you can not expect everybody to love you and be always in your favor but hey, don't take it all too seriously. Just be you. It is better to make other people love you for who you are and not for who you are trying to be. Don't waste your time. Enjoy life because every moment lost can never be gained back... God bless you.:)
@toniganzon (53346)
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
I feel so sad for you. Most people think that when a woman gets married she should give up everything even her own life and give it all to the husband and the kids, but I disagree with that. We don't lose our own life when we get married, we make it even more fun. We should still give ourselves some fun and try to enjoy it. It's not fair just to forget about our own needs and then give everything to our family. It's not right at all. You should demand for your own time from your husband I think and you have the right to enjoy too and meet friends.
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
I also believe in that. I am a person who believes in individual freedom and life. I did not expect my life to get jailed in a four cornered space or not in any space for that matter. I value my freedom so much... My hubby sees to it that he is taking us out every weekend. (I feel, though, that he is taking the kids out and I need to tag along to take care of them).I have no reason to complain of not being able to get out. I don't know why he is so against my seeing other people. It is something that I don't understand at all. I had asked him about it before but he chose to keep quiet... But, soon, I know, I'll be able to break free...
@wongchoiyee (7421)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 10
Oh you are not a furniture, right? Saphrina is right. You have the right, and when you talk it out you will get the chance to go out. If you don't go out, you will die in the house. Just kidding.
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
I do go out, once a week to do grocery or if he feels so bored staying in front of the computer, that means, only when he wants me to... I know I am not a furniture or a robot but he is always telling me that I should not left the kids behind. There were times in the past that he pretended to invite me to a concert and then discourage me by saying what are we gonna do with the kids? of course, I'll forego the thought of going out if at the expense of my kids... Yup, I'll die in the house of suffocation and not enough sunlight...
@wjack2010 (755)
7 Dec 10
If you want to go out. Then go out it's your life make your own decisions just make sure you won't regret the decisions you make everyone has the right to go out for a bit. My Recommendation: Go out some night and have fun with friends and family! :) Will make you feel so much better.
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
Wjack, it is not that simple. Here is the scenario: I have a 3 year old daughter and a 9 month old baby. I have no nanny for them so they are so used to the life that wherever I go, they go with me, too. If I'll go out, my husband will have to take care of them , but, he is always using his alibi that he is working. If I will take them with me, he must give his consent first because I don't want to start a fight with him anymore. I so long to go out with friends but how to do that when I know that no one will take care of the kids?
• United States
7 Dec 10
No your being human you have every right to get out of the house as he does. It is rather sad to know in this day and age that men still act this way. I know I don'e go out much but this is because I choose not to. take care
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
I have no problem if I just stay home with my kids but I need to interact with other people who are my age. Although my hubby is always home (he works here), we hardly talk and I am longing for someone I can talk to , the mature way. I sometimes do not want to talk to him because whenever he opens his mouth, it is always speaking in a negative tone, he often criticizes and speaks negatively about almost anything or anyone. My ear bleeds from his continuous complains about almost everything... I just think he is unfair , giftsandbagscom...