I think I threw away my soul mate.
By rmorefield
@rmorefield (941)
United States
December 14, 2010 11:10am CST
So, yesterday I ran across an old flame on Facebook. For some reason, I just decided to search his name and see what I came up with. I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't find him, but his picture was the first one that popped up (which is really strange because he lives in Texas and I am in Virginia). I sent him a friend request along with a short message. My heart now feels like it's coming out of my chest. When we were together, I was young and scared. I didn't know that I loved him. I had never felt that feeling before. To make matters worse, I was fresh out of a divorce. He was telling me that he loved me, and wanted to marry me. I think it was just all going too fast, so one day I took the coward's way out and just disappeared. I moved back home to my parents, and never told anyone what happened. It is now eight years later. I have had two more kids in the years since I left. I know that if I had stayed, I wouldn't have my precious babies. I wouldn't change that for the world. But a part of me can't help thinking, "what if"? I have never stopped thinking about this guy. I have been completely out of any kind of relationship for two years now, so I know that I'm not having rebound feelings. My feelings never stopped. I guess I did love him, I was just too young and scared. I don't know if he will answer my Facebook message or not. I hope that he does. If he just anwers me to tell me off. I wish I had done things differently. I know how wrong it was to disappear like that...especially with no explanation or warning. And I know that I will never get that time with him back. But I honestly believe that he was my soul mate. I can't believe that I didn't recognize my feelings back then. I threw him away. I have had a few relationships since then, but he has always been in the middle of them. I know that there's nothing I can do. If he answers, it was meant to be, right? If not, then I know.
4 responses
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
17 Dec 10
I would do that if he didn't live a thousand miles away from me. It would take me a couple of days to drive over there. And I really can't afford to buy a plane ticket, so that option is kind of out of the question.
@rapunzelcat (271)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I think a lot of us have been in a similar situation! As long as he's not married or otherwise attached I don't see anything wrong with contacting him and I wish you all the best. I've been experiencing regret off and on for about the last year or so over my first boyfriend. I'm afraid I didn't treat him very well, led him on for a couple of years off and on, etc. I probably just wasn't ready for a boyfriend and didn't really know whether to move forward or how to let him down easy. In my case it's been over 30 years (so, you see, 8 years is not such a long time!) so even if I didn't know for a fact that he's married, I probably wouldn't have the nerve to contact him after all this time. Especially considering that we never really got to the "soul-mate" stage in our relationship. He was just a nice guy that I didn't give enough of a chance, so I feel like it would be really unfair for me to do anything that might disrupt his life over a "might-have-been." From the way you describe it, it sounds like there was a lot more to your relationship than that. For myself, I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself because I don't have anyone and regretting that I let my "high school sweetheart" slip away from me.
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Yes, we actually had a very deep relationship. We connected on levels that I haven't felt since. I don't know if he is married or not, but I don't think so. On his FB page, he only had a picture of himself. It was actually cropped from a picture that we had taken together. Like you, I don't want to do anything that would disrupt his life. I know that too much time has passed for us to just pick up where we left off, but I am hoping that he will at least respond to me and maybe we can begin our friendship again. But I know how jealous we females can be. In my message, I just asked him if we knew each other and mentioned a portrait that he had drawn of my kids. I didn't want for his girlfriend/wife (if there is one) to get angry and take it out on him. This is all on me, and I would hate to think that I caused anything negative in his life.
I hope that you can find happiness. I know that what will be will be. There's someone out there for you.
@pratik87 (1927)
• India
15 Dec 10
well in the end i think you have to weigh the pros and cons. you say you would not have had your babies if you had decided to settle with the guy. so i think that settles you what if part. i am sure you want your babies more than that relationship so you should not sweat over the what if part. you also said its been a lot of years and people change in years. so the best way is to reconnect with that guy and see where things stand between you and him. forget the past and look towards the future is all i can say.
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thank you. You make total sense. You're right on the fact that I don't regret it for the fact that my babies are my world. And yes, I know that I for one have grown tremendously. I am barely the person that I was eight years ago. He has probably changed as well. Yes, I need to concentrate on my future, whatever it may hold. Deep in my heart I know that what is meant to be will be.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
15 Dec 10
Well hopefully he'll at least respond to you.
I have had a similar thing happen myself. We met years ago and he left me to get back with his ex-wife in another state. I returned to my home state a year after that. Five years have now passed, and I discovered him on face book. Apparently he returned to live in the same area that we had met (which is more than 1,500 miles way from his home town). He left his wife and is with a new girl. My facebook friend request was accepted and I sent a message, to which I never got a response, as it seems his new girlfriend controls his account and uses it for games. In his photos, there are pictures of him with his new girlfriend. He is not smiling in a single one of them, they only show him giving her strange looks and unsmiling. He's only smiling in the ones of him and his kids.
So either its in my cards to be miserable or for him to be miserable and look in hindsight, who knows.
Best of luck!
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Look at it this way. You can take comfort in the fact that he is miserable with her. Hopefully, he will come to his senses if he hasn't already and realize that he was happy with you. It sounds to me like he went there with the hope that he would find you. I truly wish the best for both of you.
