Why does an angry person say the most hurtful things? Is there...

Philippines
January 17, 2011 2:12pm CST
...any truth to what they say to you? Do you take that seriously? Some people may be really impulsive and say the most horrible things with the intention of hurting the other person without really meaning it. But really? Perhaps they're just blaming their anger and say they did not mean to say it, but actually they already thought of you that way and it just came out like word vomit. I admit, I say the nastiest things when I am pissed off. I apologize after, but you can't take back what's been said, right? What has been heard can never be unheard. I guess we really need to be careful with out temper. Or rather if we're very angry, maybe it's best to just walk away.
2 people like this
17 responses
@kramsgir (146)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
hello: I have an experience where someone said mean things to me because of anger. I just don't easily mind him though for he is in a state of unawareness but his words really hurt and later on, i took it seriously to the point that i haven't talked to him. He asked for an apology and i accepted it, but things are not just the same as before.
1 person likes this
@Zer0Stats (1317)
• India
17 Jan 11
I do sympathise with you because I myself is going through the same situation. Sometimes,when we are upset,we tend to not think what comes out of our mouth because our main intention is to hurt back the person hurting us.It's a normal human reaction.However,what we don't realise is that,what was said and done is done and there is no way we could take that back.We could always apologize,but the pain inflicted will surely take time to heal. So,now,I am trying very hard to correct this.I realised that it's best to deal with things when you're calm because you can see reasons and your state of mind is more logical.
• Brazil
18 Jan 11
Glad :D you seriously try to control your impulses. This is commendable. The man got to control the own body
@Zer0Stats (1317)
• India
18 Jan 11
Well,I never intentionally say mean things to hurt others but sometimes,I get very angry on the tiny faults when I am in a bad mood and I know,it's not good. So I'm trying my best to control it.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Most people can't really control their anger. However, with patience and determination I know that eventually we will learn it. Apologizing could work in certain cases when you already said hurtful words to the other person, but then the latter would always remember the things you said to hurt him or her. Well, we are not perfect, but we could improve and try to lessen the tendency to hurt others. Thanks for the response!
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
I think some people say the worst things when they are not just angry but very hurt. The pain caused by the person you are angry at can be too painful too handle that you want them to feel that same pain (at least) by saying the nastiest and worst things about that person. You really tell them awful words that sometimes you might have observed at one point and sort of disliked at another time. Most things are true and the way you say them can make a big difference in your relationship with that person. In my case, before I say anything ugly about a particular person, I think about them first, but sometimes I don't. I try my best not to, but maybe if you're just too hurt, you hurt them too with words.
@SIMPLYD (60524)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
I totally agree with all you said. I too would try my best not to vent out my anger to that person who has inflicted you so much anger , but i guess sometimes the hurt is just too much. I have to vent it out and hurt you too by saying those hurtful but true things about you. I might even cry doing that, because when i cannot contain my anger i really cry while saying those things. After doing that , i would be okay, but not the hurt yet. I would then, leave .
@luanakent (795)
• Brazil
18 Jan 11
Sometimes the best thing to do is leave and let the blood cool. lol Not everything that is said in anger is what comes from the heart. The bible is right when say that the worse is what comes from the mouth of man. the tongue is a powerful weapon.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Yes! The lash of the tongue is mightier than the swift of the sword! :)
@carpediem17 (1317)
• Singapore
18 Jan 11
People say hurtful things especially during the heat of the moment when emotions are running high. To avoid such situations, it is better to walk away and take time out to 'try' and put things in perspective. Not easy and it takes loads of practice.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Yup! Practice optimism! :)
• United States
17 Jan 11
I do know people like this who intentionally say mean things to hurt others simply because they are in a bad mood. I think it has to do with boosting their ego, now I am speaking of the really mean intentional ones. I with you I would rather walk away, then intentionally say something I cannot take back.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Boosting their ego? Well, I agree on that in some cases when people do not want to lose the argument or quarrel. But in the end, they usually regret having said those things because there will be consequences for that. Yes, I think that is the best option - to walk away and take deep breaths! :)
@sender621 (14970)
• United States
17 Jan 11
When you are angry you are hurting inside. the waay that we can express how we are feeling is more than likely to come out in hurtful words. it is the way we have of releasing the anger inside us. We vent it on to someone else in any way that we can.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
I agree. In most cases, that's the way of expressing our feeling and letting that other person know that we are hurting. All though some may understand, others do not. Either way, we need to be careful with what we say because we cannot take those words back. Thanks for the response!
@mythociate (11680)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
18 Jan 11
Maybe, but ALWAYS to come back to the problem---approaching it with a clearer mind.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
18 Jan 11
i think angry or frustrated people doesn't feel loved so they try to hurt others to have a reason to why people don't love them, before feeling rejected they just put everyone away before they have a chance to reject, like saying or doing things that hurts
@ptower76 (1622)
• United States
18 Jan 11
I believe you hit the nail squarely on the head. We should definately learn to control our anger and perhaps walk away when we get angry. Impulsiveness is one of those areas of our temperament that can be very problematical especially since lack of control tends to get worse as time goes on. I am by nature slow to anger but i have been in that situation before and have said hurtful things to others in the past. But nowadays, i like to think i have it under control. I tend to take the hostily seriously more than what they actually say. People that are quick to anger scare me and i try to avoid them. For sure i will not have long term relationship with individuals like that.
@koikei (209)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
greetings! i guess that their way of getting even. you hurt them so they try to hurt you in the worst possible and easiest way. you can be more understanding by taking into consideration that the other person is just angry. sometimes people tend to say bad things because they know the other person will eventually forgive them.
@tiina05 (2323)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
hello, That is true, I really agree of what you said. Even me commit that but of course i make sorry in the end. yes, we must be aware of what we are saying to other people because they will be hurt without our notice. right? but maybe they absolutely understand it because they know that we are angry, hmmm LOL
@lyzabelle (1670)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
In our house it is pretty normal that we have a quarrel with my other siblings and sometimes we say cruel words to each other and in the end those hurtful words just sink in and leave a bitter taste to swallow. That is one main reason why I want to be silent when I am angry because I might say something I would regret later. I think physical pain is much better because it would heal easily but verbal words as painful as insult will be hard to forget. It will bleed the heart dry slowly and stay there until it will resurfaced again and bring bad memories to those who received the words.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
I guess angry people say hurtful things because it's a way of getting back to the person who hurt them and making that person feel the agony of what he/she has done. So majority of the words spoken by an angry person are true or sometimes a bit exaggerated to hurt the other person. I'm the kind of person who say really bad things to people who hurt me and I always end up feeling guilty about what I said. But eventhough I'm aware of what I will say, I sometimes can't help but shout hurtful words. I am having controlling issues with my anger sometimes. It is maybe best to just walk away or find alternative ways to vent out the anger that I'm feeling inside.
@lingli_78 (12860)
• Australia
18 Jan 11
it is because they use only their emotions at that moment and not the rationales... when people are angry, they are unable to think clearly and they just follow their emotions to say and do what they want at that moment... that's why anger management is a very important thing... and you are right... you can't take back the words that you had said out... so i prefer to just keep quiet and walk away nowadays when i am angry so that i won't hurt other people's feelings... take care and have a nice day...
@jennyze (7052)
• Indonesia
18 Jan 11
When we are angry, we are hurt, that's why we want the other to hurt, too. Most of the things said when people is angry are the truth, so we cannot take it back. We can only regret it and say sorry, but the truth will always be there. Walking away when you are angry so that no hurtful words are spoken is not easy. We need to ease our own anger and hurt before we can walk away. I, too said hurtful things when I am angry. Too bad, isn't it?
@nishant5n (1067)
• India
18 Jan 11
Hi, To know why angry person say hurtful things, we must investigate what is Anger? Anger is elicited by emotional hurt. It is an unpleasant feeling which develops when we feel we have been mistreated, abused, hurt, or when our long-held views are broken or opposed, and/or when there is an obstacle in achievement of our aim or personal goals. Since it is an emotional phenomenon, the words uttered during that phase have no base and are mostly false. They are said in order to hurt the opponent and for the feeling self satisfaction. In order to control the anger and resultant fits of tantrum leading to verbal abuse and offensive verbal attack, we should learn to recognize anger at its first place when it is about to occur. Otherwise, there are many ill effects of angle on health such has high blood pressure, heart problems, brain hemorrhage, nervous disturbances, and other personality disorders. If someone is very prone to get angry, no one wants to get around him. People does not like such a person. My trick to control anger: Whenever I feel I am about to get angry or going to loose control, I start counting counting 1 through 30 in my mind, and you would not believe before reaching the digit 30, my feeling of anger has gone. Whenever you are about to get angry, just start counting, and your feeling of anger will dissipate...Believe me...it works Just try and test yourself...Good luck!