Cheating friend

Philippines
January 17, 2011 8:26pm CST
I have two friends who are lovers. I am in good terms to the both of them because I have known them quite at the same time just before they fell inlove with each other. However, I learned that one of them cheated. My dilemma now is whether I have to tell my other friend that his boyfriend is cheating or should I keep it as a secret so as not to destroy our friendship with my cheating friend. What is the best thing to do?
4 people like this
20 responses
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
6 Apr 11
Hi. areshstarfreak. I know that you don't want to get into this situation here, but you will have to tell the girl that her boyfriend is cheating on her. You can't keep this a secret at all. She is your friend, just as well as he is too. If you don't say anything, then she may find out that you knew, and she may be mad that you didn't tell her. I am sorry that he is cheating on her. She will have to know the truth, even if it means coming from a good friend of hers.
@flapiz (7196)
• Australia
24 Mar 11
Well for me, to minimize the damage, you should try to talk it out with the cheating boyfriend first. Ask him to choose his girl or to stop cheating. If he agrees to stop cheating, let it go mate. But if he continues cheating tell the girl already. I mean everyone deserves a second chance but if you tell the girl right away, the boy might not have his second chance anymore. Because once the trust is broken it is hard to mend. If the boy is really sorry he won't ever do it again and the girl would not have any problem in the future, she wouldn't have to find out and lose her self esteem.
@Kalyni2011 (3503)
• India
19 Jan 11
As a good friend you should tell your friend that his(or her) bf is cheating, because truth will comeout one day or other, at that time you will get lot of thanks and appreciation thanks for this discussion cheers god bless you kalyani
19 Jan 11
True friends do tell true things to each others regardless if it would be hurtfull or would bring happiness to both. And since your your friend is the main act here protect here from the hurt of the other friend. Primarily if the cheating friend is a true friend why cheat in the first place ???? So do whats right even if its losing the other not true friend and preserve the new friendship you will have.
@kkavya36 (35)
18 Jan 11
hello mylotuser!!!!!!!! i think that you should not keep it as secret,if u say the truth u'l only destroy your friendship but your another friend will destroy her own life in believing him...so plz do not do such type of mistake... tell her that whats happen and convince her... so that she never go a wrong and be very much carefull with that guy...
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
18 Jan 11
Maybe this will help you. I've been told twice that my husband was cheating on me. My husband was asked once if he thought he could trust me. We both shared this information immediately with each other and no one else. This way we maintained a completely honest relationship. Even when you don't tell your lover what you've heard, you are hiding something. We've been married 27 years. Sooner or later one of us would have had hard evidence to the facts.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
18 Jan 11
It can be difficult to be the one in the middle of a friendship. When a friend is cheating on another friend in a relationship, you don't like to be the one to kiss and tell. Still, if you don't what kind of friend would you be?
• India
18 Jan 11
well the first thing i have to do is try to make your frnd good n try it at ur maximum level !! still he wants to cheat means then you can say to that gal wothout any objection ! u neednt bother about your friendship !!! happie mylotting :D
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
hello areshstarfreak! you are truly in a dilemma. Either way, either of your two friends would get hurt and be angry with you for either telling or keeping the secret. So, the best thing to do is to find the balance between. If i were you, i would first talk to the cheating friend, the guy, and tell him that i know what he did and what he is going to do about it since i would tell his gf of the truth. But since he is also my friend, i am informing him of my intention of not keeping the secret because it would be hard on my conscience. I would tell him that if he is willing to tell her the truth, i would keep my peace. Bu if he will not tell his gf himself of what he did, then i will tell her myself. If he gets angry, then i will tell him that when he cheated he should have thought of the consequences. I am only the witness, not the doer and i would not want a friend be cheated without knowing it, even if another friend is doing it to her. I would also tell my male friend that if the situation had been reversed and the girl was the one cheating, i would still tell him the truth. Truth, may hurt but it cures. So, whatever will happen between my friends, i would still remain as their friend. But if they both get angry with me because of telling the truth, well, i'd better find myself another friend then. No use remaining friends with someone who can't appreciate truthfulness and faithfulness.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
yeah i guess its really hard for you but for me amm you have to tell your cheating friend about what you feel that its not your intention to break the friendship you have but you're concern about the situation. Either you have to do the right thing one perhaps being with them with lies behind or sacrifice to protect them of...
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Well for me i think you need to tell your friend that his boyfriend is cheating on him. It dosent mean that if you tell the truth you will ruin your friendship. Remember honesty is the best policy.
• Portugal
18 Jan 11
talk with your cheating friend and tell him that you know he was cheating. tell him to tell the truth to your friend girl. that way im sure that both of them will continue your friends. anyway i really wish that your friend boy be honest with your friend girl and that none of them be sad with you. if your friend boy refuses to tell the truth to your friend girl then you tell him that you will tell your friend the truth bcs she deserves to know^^
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
hello, As a good friend you must tell the truth to your girl friend because she look really stupid loving someone that never been honest to her at all. Even you break a relationship and a friendship it is better to choose the right thing. Remember that it is not bad to tell the truth that will change one person happiness.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Surely if I were in your shoe I would advice my cheating friend and I would tell her/him if he/she doesn't take my advice it is up to him/her. Beside you cannot keep a secret for so long. And for sure I would talk to my other friend about it. Though there's always a risk in revealing the truth but I don't want to become a traitor to our friendship.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Make sure of the things you need to know first. If you are one hundred percent sure that the guy is indeed cheating then you must talk to this guy first. The reason why I'm saying this is because females are more emotional and by doing this you could prevent more harm. Tell the guy that you know what is happening and tell him that he should either stop it or break up with her girlfriend(your friend) because you are in a guilt trip and could no longer do nothing about it. If then nothing changes then the next step will be the hardest because it could ruin your friendship, this is by telling your female friend about it. Try to explain to her that you are doing it for her sake. Good luck!
@jennyze (7045)
• Indonesia
18 Jan 11
I think you should confront the guy to tell his girlfriend the truth. If he does not want to, you can tell your other friend about his cheating.
• United States
18 Jan 11
That sounds like a difficult situation. Do you have any evidence that you can show her? If not she might not believe you. But at the same we cannot forget the fact that she is having the relationship with the wrong man. I think it is better if she finds it out herself. I was in that same situation with a friend and her boyfriend. They both were my good friends. And I knew that she was flirting around with other guys. But I just kept quiet about it since I just had a feeling that it would be better if her boyfriend found it out himself. Eventually, he did and they are no more together. So I think you should just keep quiet. If continues making a fool out of her she will eventually find out.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Hi. If I were you, I'll not say anything about it first to your gorlfriend. Talk to her boyfriend first and find out the truth. Made sure that he is indeed cheating because if you are only speculating and there's no truth to your accusation, it will indeed ruin your friendship with the both of them. Once you established the validity of your suspicion then, that's the only time you can tell your girlfriend about it. For the meantime, ask your friend how's her relationship with his boyfriend and if she somehow has a feeling or inkling that her bf is cheating on her... Nosy it may seem you are but it will give a clue what to do next. Goodluck.
@jricky1 (6808)
• China
18 Jan 11
Well,this is really hard for you to decide.But i think you should tell your friend the truth so that she wouldn't be hurt deeper,this is what you should do.what will happen certainly depends on them.If they really liked each other,your friend would certainly forgive him and give him another chance.I think your friend certainly have the right to know the truth..By the way,wish them could be together happily.
@zills66 (1421)
• Saudi Arabia
18 Jan 11
tell to the girl that the boy is cheating. you are cheating yourself if you don't tell what is happening behind the girl's back which is your friend. on the other hand, true friendship you are going to share with the boy which is also your friend. sure that at the end of the day they will listen to their hearts if they really meant to each other. and in your favor i can say, telling the truth will set you free!