My dad.
By jessiicali
@jessiicali (120)
United States
January 21, 2011 1:23pm CST
My biological father wanted nothing to do with my mom when she told him that she was pregnant with me. That was fine with her, she had support from her brothers, sisters & parents. She had my brother when I was just under 3 years old. His father wanted her to have an abortion. That is against her beliefs, so here she was, raising 2 kids as a single mom. She met the man that I call my dad & they married in 1995. By 1996, he had adopted my brother and I. I heard nothing from my biological father until May of 2003. I was 18 years old and I was getting ready to graduate. I gave this man his chance, but since 1996, for 7 years, I had a dad. My moms husband had been the most wonderful dad I could ever ask for! Even after they had their 2 kids, my brothers, He was nothing but nice to me and my brother. Now, that I have 2 kids of my own, they think of my moms husband as their grandpa. My biological father had his chances. He messed them up. I went to his house for spring break for 2 weeks one year, he spent less than 24 hours with me the whole time. I went to the beach with him to see some of his friends, he left me there with his friends who I had known for 2 days. This is not how a "father" treats his daughter. Now he wants to know why I won't have anything to do with him & why I won't allow him to be around my children. He is demanding that he see his grandchildren. He's NOT their grandfather. By blood, but by anything else, absolutely not.
So am I in the wrong for not allowing him to have anything to do with my children? I don't think so. Not when he calls me names that are not something a father would call his daughter. He treats me like crap, I'm afraid he would treat my kids like crap too.
2 people like this
5 responses
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
21 Jan 11
It sounds like you are already doing the right thing by not letting him meet them, I think that is what I would have done too.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 Jan 11
Hello Jessiicali, and welcome to myLot.
I think you answered your own question. As you are a parent now and no one in the world should expose children to bad behavior.
If at most he needs to prove his worthiness as to not emotionally hurt your children. I would have the same feelings as you as my children's emotional state would be the most important aspect that would be on my mind.
Best of luck to you and try not to have discussions about this matter in front of the kids as they are very impressionable and may not fully understand.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 11
You are forgiven for disowning your biological father. You have indeed done the right thing to disassociate him from your life and that of your children. Even before you were born he did not acknowledged you as his and why should he try to connect the lost link now when you are already a fully matured person. It is your turn to tell him that you want nothing to do with him.
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
17 Feb 11
Young children are impressionable and as a mother you want to protect your children from badness. You biological father has a poor history in the early days and he didn't contact you until 2003. He missed many years of you growing up. When you went to his house for spring break he didn't treat you at all well. You rightly know that he would treat your children in a similar way. They don't deserve that and you have every right to say he doesn't deserve to see his grand children unless he changes. He needs to be friendly, attentive, polite, understanding and caring. He needs to stop calling people nasty names. The man that married your mum in 1995 is more of a dad to you I would say.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
17 Feb 11
Hello,jessiicali,
You have all the rights to protect your children. If you think meeting their biological grandpa will not do anything good for them, don't let them. You are feeling hurt because you're really missing your Dad. You expect him to be what your adopted father is. You are comparing him to him and that's why you're being frustrated. Try to see him from different point of view, allow him to see you as you are, a daughter who's longing to have him as a dad. Give him another chance, of knowing who you are, and you knowing him, who he is. God gave us father not to be hurt by them but to love and care for us. Maybe more space and time could patch out your differences but if he still maltreats you, then it's time to give up your love for him !
