When people don't help themselves..

@sweet_pea (3326)
Philippines
January 24, 2011 8:31pm CST
I often pass by my neighbor's apartment when I go to work and I can't help make this observation. The husband: a college drop-out, jobless, a big man who is a couch potato. I would have left and arrived from work and still see him the same position I'd see him earlier the day, slumped in a couch, puffing a cigarette watching TV. The wife: starts the day gossiping, stopped working because her husband doesn't want to and just wants her to attend to their two small kids. They don't work but are dependent on the monthly allowance given to them by a sibling who happens to marry a well-off man. Could you live a life like this? Not have to work even if you are able and just depend on someone for support?
2 people like this
14 responses
@stevieboi19 (1429)
25 Jan 11
No I don't think I could to be honest I like to do something even if it's a lowly paid job I'd rather be doing something active and productive than sit around all day watching TV. I currently have loads of time also and hate sitting around doing nothing I've been actively looking for work purely to keep me doing something. Although in regards to your neighbours situation there could be deeper problems as such which remain unseen to an observer such as in this case you are. Maybe they've no choice but to sit around due to government restrictions, disabilities... etc. So each person's situation can be viewed differently and we can never really know or begin to understand such things with out discussing with the people in question.
3 people like this
@Hatley (157929)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Jan 11
hi stevie it all boils down to my old adage judge not lest you ' be judged. we see something from outside and not iknowin intimately just what is going on we assume he is lazy bum and she is just a gossip but we could also be very wrong. I do not like assuming stuff.
2 people like this
25 Jan 11
Yeah it's human nature to build up assumptions from first appearances. I to would do the same but it's how we reflect on them to wonder if the people in question are actual bums which to be honest could just be the case but I like to try and give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that it's not their personal choice to be sitting around all day taking up valuable oxegen lol. In truth though my aspect of offering the benefit of the doubt will not always be 100% but I tend to stick with it until a person proves other wise.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
I know it is really not my business but they have been our neighbors for over a year now and nothing changed. I just wish they can find something useful not just waiting for bread to come to them. What if the support would be cut? How will they stand on their own? And what example are they giving to their children? That, it is okay to be lazy because somebody will help you anyway?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (74910)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
Wow, what a way to live! I feel sorry for them for being like that and i feel a lot sorrier too for his sibling who supports them. It seems the talents given to them by God were wasted. What if something happens to the sibling and not be able to support them anymore? How will they support themselves if they don't have jobs to sustain them? I really cannot imagine myself being dependent on others for a living.
3 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
Don't you think it is the sibling's fault too on why his brother acted that way. Making her his life support system? To what extent do we really need to help our families?
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
Oh, gosh! Please do tell those people to get a life! Somebody must, quick! I couldn't bear to see myself or my husband acting like that.It is very irresponsible.... My parents used to tell me when I was a kid that I have no right to eat if I don't want to share the labor. And, I believe them. We have to work so that we can eat. We have no right to enjoy any blessings when we ourselves seem not to care if we have given ourselves a favor or not. It is unfair to be blessed when it seems you don't want to be blessed at all.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
I wouldn't do that Eurekafemme, telling them to get a life! Just this weekend, the wife got into a fight, because she didn't like the look that was given to her by her then gossip-buddy. It was really shallow! We are living in the same country dear, and you know how closely knit Filipino families are. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. But most of us here, still tend to get support from our parents even if we have our own families already. I must be honest, I am not an exemption to this. What for me is not acceptable, is being too dependent and not working for your own living.
1 person likes this
@NoWayRo (1063)
• Romania
25 Jan 11
I'm really ashamed to admit it, but if somebody were to offer me money to just do nothing, I'd take it without hesitation, especially in the form of a monthly allowance. Even if it won't be forever - for as long as it's possible, I'd be more than happy to take a break from work. I'm not saying I can sit on the couch and watch TV all day long, but there are so many things in my life I need to re-organize right now, and so much stress that has accumulated over time, that I could really use a period of not having to worry about the next paycheck. I'm pretty sure this isn't the same for people who have children, most naturally everyone wants to provide the best for their children. Also, it goes without saying, I wouldn't take money from someone who couldn't afford it. But a small allowance from a millionaire relative... I just need to find the millionaire relative. Back to analyzing the family tree.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
That was funny NoWayRo. It really is nice to take some time off from work. That is if you are not supporting anyone but yourself. Good Luck in trying to find a multi-millionaire sponsor!
@Hatley (157929)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Jan 11
hi sweet pea I do not know where you live but here in the US in California there is one job for every four or five hundred peopole so if he is not wo rking maybe he is one of the jobless and has given up as it has been horrible. my son who is an experienced computer programmer is out of wo rk and is wo rking only part time just to have a job but wants back into the field he is familiar with. I wou ld not like to live like the people you describe but am just saying sometimes we dont know the whole story on people and they make look one way and may really not be that way.of course if he can get a job and does not go ou t and look for one shame on him. now in my case I wo rked til I was almost 80 and I was not wor king when I and my son move to our last apt. as I am partly physically handicapped so was not much help when my son was laid off, we were made homeless and thats why I am here in G o ld crest retirement center. we did try to helpourseves but the damned jobs just were not hter where he would have appied are now cutting back. so do no blame us or judge us as its no what you think at all.so in a sense that last two years when we were still in an apt. I was not working and depending on my son so do not judge me.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
I am not judging you dear Hatley. And I am not at all comparing you to my neighbor. A person who is jobless and tries to find work is different from a person who is jobless and doesn't even want to look for a job. I am from the Philippines. Compared to your country, we don't have that much job opportunities available here. We produced so many graduates each year but most of them end up being unemployed or underemployed. Finding a job gets more difficult if you are not a degree holder or have a useful work experience to back you up, which my neighbor doesn't have. okay I'll give him the benefit of the doubt why is he not working, but it is over a year and he is still a bum!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 11
Oh gosh no never, I have to be productive and sitting on the couch and or gossiping all day long would make me so lazy I myself would not be able to stand myself. Unfortunately what is happening here is that as much as the son love his parents he is enabling them to continue this way. I certainly understand he can help them indeed, but for them to solely depend on him is not fair one bit. What were to happen if the son, heaven forbid looses his job and or get hospitalized how will that family function. What a shame indeed.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
I too wouldn't last that long not doing anything but watch tv. Actually hardworkinggurl, it is his sister who is supporting him and his family. All the food, clothing, kid's tuition fees, bills and house rentals are shouldered by her. It is a noble intention to help your family. Charity begins at home. But to teach them to be indolent, is not at all helping them. The best thing should have been, that she gave a small money to let them start a small business. At least this way, she is helping them to stand on their own feet. As a Chinese proverb say, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you will feed him a lifetime."
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 11
sweet_pea- We can never know truly what is going through another man's mind to be honest. We can also not know just what their experience is or what they are feeling until we have experienced it ourselves, and even when we do not every two persons handles this situation in the same way. It is possible that he is indeed lazy. It may very well be possible that he is so distraught not being able to be the "man" and provide for his family that his way of coping is to zone out. Depression is very real and it can set in very quick when one has a life changing experience in one's life. I have no issues with the woman staying home to tend her young children as that is what I am doing. Young children need their mother. If it is that they are blessed with a wealthy relative who can help them live until he is able to find work, then why is that an issue? We should all provide for those less fortunate, and we should start with our own families and neighbors. This is called common human decency and everyone is capable of this. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
Hi Anora! Thanks for giving us another perspective of this situation. Depression really brings down a man's soul. But being depressed for too long and with kids to feed is being irresponsible.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 11
Have you ever had to deal with a job loss and depression? Have you had to tuck your kids into bed without food? It's very easy for us who have jobs to judge others. We all handle situations differently. Maybe you have gone through this and did it with all the strength in the world, but perhaps this man is not as strong or feels poorly that he cannot find work. Have you helped him find work? Have you brought him job offers? Just a thought. Namaste-Anora
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
I think everyone has gone through depression sometime in their life. I myself had stayed at home for 7 months after I had a miscarriage due to a job that was just too stressful to handle. Yes you are correct that we handle situations differently as our actions and decisions may be influenced by how we are brought up by our parents and the people we encountered in our lives. Unfortunately, It's difficult to find work for someone who doesn't have any work experience. And much more difficult if he doesn't want to find one. If he really is interested, he would have asked about it.
@kykidd (6824)
• United States
6 Feb 11
There is no way that I could live like this. I think I practically raised myself anyways, at least from the time that I was eleven years old. I guess some people have no ambition. And since I am trying so hard to get ahead and not even count on an employer, in other words work for myself, I really have a hard time relating to people who don't even try to get a job and make at least some money for themselves. I have heard that if all of the wealth in the world were spread out evenly, that over eighty percent of the people would wind up back to where they were to begin with. I firmly believe that I am not in that percentage group. And I feel the same about most of the people here on myLot. We are doing what we can to get at least a little bit ahead. And we are sharing our stories and good fortune with the other members here on this site. This is a great place to be!
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
My husband say that I lack ambition because I don't like climbing up the corporate ladder. Would you believe that I explicitly told my boss, that I don't want a promotion? While most people would have grabbed one, I declined. I am really happy with what I am doing right now that I don't need additional stress in my life. Wow, lucky you! You are working for yourself. That is actually my dream, to be an entrepreneur. Slowly, I'm going to realize that too. I have my first entrepreneurial venture last holidays. Although it was just a part-time, it was a good learning experience. I don't see myself working for someone until I retire. I'd rather be my own boss.
@gloamglozer (1285)
• Australia
25 Jan 11
I think that's just sad to be honest. I don't think it's as bad as if someone kept living and leeching off their parents and leave them no money for retirement but it comes rather close. To leave your financial security and future of your kids in the hands of someone else's hands is both selfish and foolish. What if that generous in-law found out where all the money was going and decides to stop giving them money? What will become of the children and their chance of a good education? What about the rent? Where will they live? There are many people out there that work very hard just to survive and make a living and try to better their own situation and give their children the best opportunities to be successful in life. I've seen this with my own eyes when I look at my parents. They do so much for me and have made countless self-sacrifices so that I could be where I am now. If I was a parent like that in that kind of situation I could not bear to rely on a wealthy in-law. It goes against my character and would make me feel pathetic.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
Like what Anora had said, people respond to a situation differently. Our actions and decisions may be influenced by the way we are brought up by our parents and the kind of friends we go with. It seems he has the notion that such financial support will last forever.
• China
25 Jan 11
that's unbelievable, I doubt what was the pleasure of their life. Live is not just surviving, but living. My own work and achievement provides more meaning and sense of happiness to my life. What's more, in our country, in this time of fierce competition everywhere, everyone has to work hard to make a living.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
It happens dear. They are fortunate to have someone to support them. But just waiting without working. There is no self-worth in that. You are correct that there is fierce competition and if you don't have an experience to back you up, it may take awhile before you can find work.
@katcarneo (1434)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
The kind of people I hate the most are those who don't work when they can, and are dependent on others. Having someone give me money regularly would be nice, but I'd still work because I'd be bored. I must admit that I have a feeling of bitterness toward such people: me, working hard and them relaxing all day. I know a couple of people who are still supported by parents at the age they should be supporting themselves.
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
Well, this is a typical example of the Filipino Tale "Juan Tamad" where he waits for the guava to fall from the tree before he could eat. Life is really unfair. But I don't find self-worth in what they do.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
26 Jan 11
i really dislike lazy people who rely on other people for living... for me, it is really disgraceful especially if they are still young and able-bodied... i will never want to help people like that... they deserve to have a hard life because they ask for it... take care and have a nice day...
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
You got a point there lingli. Why would you help others if they don't want to help themselves? I also have relatives who ask support from their siblings for entrepreneurial endeavors like asking for additional capital for their piggery. At least in this scenario, you are helping them be self-sufficient. There is more dignity here than begging.
25 Jan 11
I couldnt live that way and just let life pass us by,and its setting no example for the kids either i like to known i doing my bit and trying to make a living.
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 11
I agree. It is teaching the children to depend also on others for support rather done being self-supportive.
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
25 Jan 11
Sounds like a waste to me. And not setting a decent example to the children. No I don't think I'd want to live like that. I wouldn't feel very good about myself.