What to do with problem friends?

@suehan1 (4356)
Australia
March 5, 2011 1:11am CST
Do you have a problem friend? How do you deal with the situation. I have this friend who is a problem gambler. she is always at my place asking to use the phone and was borrowing money here and there until I recently worked out that she was blowing her money at the club. She tends to dump her children here and sneak off to the club, she would never ask me to mind them , just dump them at my doorstep and drive off before I had a chance to speak to her. Do you confront her or just not lend her any money.? I do not think she would admit that she has a problem, so I think that confronting her would be useless. Any suggestions?
2 people like this
10 responses
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
5 Mar 11
Hello suehan!!! why do feel responsibility for her kids, you don't need to do that when she's of that kind, and why do lend money when she's borrowing for that cause, don't be liberal suehan, just speak out to her that you aren't not going to tolerate her gestures anymore.
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I am that sort of person who will always give a helping hand especially when children are involved. I will always make sure her children are fed. I will have to have a chat and tell her I know what she is doing with her money. Cheers Sue
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
6 Mar 11
ohh that's nice of you, but first have a talk with her.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
Yes I will
• United States
7 Mar 11
What I would suggest is that you have a serious talk with the person and let them know that what you're doing is hurting your family and your friends. Let the person know what they are losing when they have a problem. You tell them and you do your best to help them, but sometimes the only way for your friend to learn is to literally lose it all. If they fail, they will learn, and when they learn they will start to recover.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
10 Mar 11
Yes I think sometimes people need to reach rock bottom before they realise they have a problem. I know I can talk to her ,but unless they agree that they have a problem the are going to deny it. Cheers Sue
@mjweed21 (693)
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
I usually go to the spa to loosen a little bit. When I'm relaxed I can already think of better resolutions to my problems.
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
7 Mar 11
What a great idea. I think I would be at the spa for a week. Cheers Sue
@warvial (1154)
• Singapore
6 Mar 11
Try contacting her husband, or family member? Confronting a problem gambler is difficult unless you have someone whom she does listen to and know how to tackle the problem. Have she chalked up debts? If she is already one addicted gambler, who is having difficulties in giving her children their daily needs, I wouldn't lend her money. Provide the daily needs for her innocent children instead. Is there any child welfare organization that deals with such situation that you can call for help? I hope they can give her a good wake up call that her children are not just "something" she has no responsibilities with.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I thought about contacting her older daughters who are married and see what they say. I know she is applying for a loan, but apart from that I do not know if she has other debts. I will have to look into any welfare organizations that are around that can help..Cheers Sue
@dong88 (796)
• China
6 Mar 11
Have such friends really is a bad thing.My way is ,first is to help,of course,if given help, he hasn't changed,then I would choose to relinquish such friends.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
Yes I will help her as far as seeking help like a gambling help or life line or whatever organizations are out there, but she has to admit that she has a problem first so she can help herself. If she does not get help your right I will have to relinquish her friendship. Cheers Sue
@jillhill (37386)
• United States
5 Mar 11
I certainly wouldn't lend her any money and I would also talk to her about who's responsibility the children are....not your to be sure! I used to have someone that dropped their kids off here all the time to be with my son....I finally told them no more...I said if I had wanted another kid I would have had one!
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@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I know her children are her responsibility, but I have to be sure that they are fed and looked after. I will have to confront her and tell what I know she is doing with her money and what she is doing to the children and your right if you wanted more children you would have had the yourself.Cheers Sue
• United States
5 Mar 11
Confront her. Tell her to grow up and take responsibility for her children, and DO NOT lend her money until she gets her situation straight.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I have already stopped loaning her money and will not loan her money again.I think that her children are adorable and I hope she sees what she is doing to them, but if they turn up at my doorstop I will always take them in and feed them. Cheers Sue
@jojo732 (295)
5 Mar 11
Hi suehan1 Your friend is taking you for granted,you need to talk to her,explain to her that she is responsible for her children,they are her first and most important concern,she can not just 'dump' her children on your doorstep to go gambling,her children probably realize that what she is doing with them isn't right,and as they get older they will resent the way she is treating them. Can you afford to give her money? I am guessing the answer to that is no...So tell her you can not afford to give her money,and tell her she needs to ask if you can look after her children,not just assume you will...Stand up to her she is using you..and that aint no kind of friend that you need.. she needs to treat you better,and be a better more thoughtful friend to you..but hey this is just my opinion.. Have a great weekend jojo732
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I can not afford to give her money, as I am a single mum myself. At first I thought that she really needed the money and food and I am a sucker and will do anything for anybody, but when I have found out that she gets her pension and blows it i was livid with her. I do tell her now that I have no money. Her children are my main concern, so I will have to confront her. Thanks Cheers Sue
@thatgirl13 (7307)
• South Korea
5 Mar 11
I think you should have a talk with her. This gambling habit of hers is not only affecting her but her children and her friendship with you too. So the best thing to do will be to sit and have a talk with her. hmm about my friends, I don't think any of them have any problems or maybe I can't remember right now.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
good to hear you have no problem friends. I think I might attract them. Your right that I have to sit her down and have a chat with her as she is getting out of control and dumping her children on my doorstep. Thanks Cheers Sue
@aprilten (1977)
• Philippines
5 Mar 11
She really is a problem and I pity her children because instead of taking care of them she's dumping them to your place and go have a good (bad) time. I think she should be shaken. Someone should make her realize that what she is doing is wrong. Wasting money at gambling places and clubs is not clean fun especially if you have kids to take care of. Doing those things occasionally to wind up is okay but if it's becoming a habit then it's bad. How to tell her is a big problem because you don't know how she would react. Most of the time people like that don't take it well when they are told that what they are doing is wrong. Do you know of anyone to whom she would listen to? If you do, then I think you should seek his/her help because this person is the best person to tell her wrong doings. But, if you think she will listen to you then by all means talk to her the soonest possible time before she gets drowned in all her debts. I strongly believe that she's borrowing money from many people here and there just so she can have money to gamble with.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
Yes I do not think that she will take it well at all and I do think she may be borrowing from a few people as well. I may be able to speak with her married daughter and see what she suggests. I worry about her children as well as one of them has autism. I just have to see what the next week brings. Cheers Sue