Raising a child.
By udaymohan
@udaymohan (437)
India
March 6, 2011 7:17am CST
I am already 62 year old and my wife has completed 58. We were living at Bhopal in our own house and were leading a peaceful retired life. Suddenly, something happened. Wife of my first son filed divorce petition and left with her parents for her native place. Please do not ask me reasons. She also left her five year old son. Fortunately, both of us reached in time and took custody of our grandson. My son generally remains out on duty and we two look after the child.
The child is arrogant, adamant but quite intelligent in his studies. He had led a highly pampered life viewing cartoons on TV, eating junk food while his mother remained busy on her laptop chatting on Facebook. I can say that she never took proper care of the child as a mother is supposed to do. He likes to eat junk food and does not sleep more than 8-9 hours. He behaves as if something is going in his mind. He still does not know how to properly eat food and generally keeps one bite of food in his mouth on right side for a long time without swallowing it and his right cheek clealy shows that. He always wants to play and lacks concentration.
Though we are trying our level best to change his habits and I can say that we have 50% success also.
However, I would earnestly request all my friends mylotters to guide me on every aspect so that we could do the best for him. He is a very loveable boy and we thank God that he has totally accepted us and does not talk at all about his mother who left him about six months back. Your help is needed friends.
2 people like this
6 responses
@edsss17 (4394)
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
That's how a child grows when a family is broken. Show more patience, love, care and guidance in raising the child. One day he/she will realize that he/she shouldn't do such things like you mentioned. Make her/him feel she/he is loved by you and your wife and for sure it will fill the big emptiness in his heart! Don't hurt him physically, mentally or emotionally. If he make mistakes just talk to him calmly and try to talk something that will not make him feel bad..
Guide him every step of the way if possible. I hope I've helped.
2 people like this
@udaymohan (437)
• India
15 Mar 11
Yes, your kind words are quite helpful. We are giving all possible love and care to him and he is definitely improving everyday. I thank you for standing by my side and for giving your valuable advice.
1 person likes this
@send2noel (140)
• Saudi Arabia
7 Mar 11
u can still discipline that 5 year old boy. however, usually children who are products of broken family rebel, they try to be difficult, challenge authority and emotinally unstable. It needs tons of patience and understanding, most importantly, show him that you love him so dearly.
@udaymohan (437)
• India
15 Mar 11
Thanks a lot for your nice words. There is good news that he has accepted both of us and he calls my wife as 'mumma' and we also encourage him to do so. Our love, affection and proper guidance are showing results and there is sea-change in his behaviour and attitude which even our neighbours acknowledge.
@send2noel (140)
• Saudi Arabia
15 Mar 11
that's nice to hear... i was told by my parents that parenting is one of the most difficult profession. i don't exactly know what the meant until now that i have to be in this situation. good luck!
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
7 Mar 11
I don’t think you will like what I have to say.
First and foremost, its unnatural for a 5 yrs old child not to miss his mother. If he is not mentioning her at all, then you should be prepared for an outburst later on (maybe in his teens or youth) which none of you will like. Children are very sensitive and from what I gathered, he is either embittered towards his mother or he’s just clammed up on this…both situations are unhealthy. Even though you may not like your daughter-in-law (for whatever reasons), you should try to build a healthy idea of the mother in the child’s mind… the child must never grow up believing and thinking that his mother had purposefully abandoned him or his mother doesn’t love him at all…this can have huge psychological setbacks on him.
Never discuss negatively about his mother in front of him… if he has any negative feelings, he should tell that himself, nobody should put that in his mind. let him grow up with a healthy respect for both parents and then as an adult, he can form his own opinion.
Other than this, try to keep him as happy and occupied as possible. Its very difficult for you to do that in your age, but I guess you have no other options really.
I’m feeling very very sorry for this child…whatever issues the adults have, kids should never suffer like this for no fault of theirs.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Mar 11
ujdaymohan be flexible with this poor little boy, he is hurting and he will not talk about his mom as it hurts too much. Give him some slack remember he is only five and not an adult.Also do not talk mean about his mom as she is his mom and he is much too little to understand her faults. its good he is accepting you. of course something is going on in his mind, he's a child from a broken family and it has to hurt.
be kind
and not too picky with him right now. for Gods sakes so what if he holds a bite of food in his mouth,,he is not a teen or an adult he will learn manners in time. you do sound like you do not really understand a child that young. of course he likes to play what on earth is wrong with you, you sound like you are training a backwards adult. give the poor kid a chance. he is not his mom so forget that. I am trying not to be snippy here but I think you need to learn just what five year olds do not what you want him to do. he is not a ,little man he is a little boy so love him and do not reprimand him for acting his age. talk to a peditritian and get some insight as to what really you should expect of a little five year old child from a broken home.oh do love him and make him feel wanted and do not be on his case all the time.
@udaymohan (437)
• India
15 Mar 11
Hatley,
Thanks for your valuable suggestions. We do not reprimand him rather we try to make him understand by telling some stories. You would be surprised, Hatley, there is lot of improvement in him. My wife is his grandmother but he calls her 'mumma' and we encourage him to so. There is sea-change in his behaviour and it is noticeable even by our neighbours.
I am grateful to all of you. I have received suggestions which have helped me a lot. Thanks, Hatley.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
hello,
Just give enough time for the kid to adjust.
Slowly he will change,he is still young and can be disciplined in the right time.
Just show him love and care that he lacks,and that will change him for a better one.
I know it takes time for both sides to adjust...but it's worth the try.
Have a great day
@udaymohan (437)
• India
15 Mar 11
When you mentioned two words 'love and care', you are perfectly right. You have also mentioned 'it is worth a try'. No, Jaiho, it did miracles. We showered all our love and affection and now he cannot live without us. Though my wife is his grandmother but he addresses her as 'mumma' and we also encourage him to do so. There is lot of improvement which even our neighbours admit.
Thanks for your nice words.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
The child needs attention and guidance. Since both of you are already retired and has gone through a lot in life, you both could very well do that, which her mother obviously has not given him.
With God as your guide, i am sure that, that 50% will eventually be 100% success in transforming him to be better.
@udaymohan (437)
• India
15 Mar 11
We are trying to give utmost care and love to him. We are also surprised to see changes in his behaviour. He is now enjoying food prepared by my wife whom he calls 'mumma'.
Thanks s for your nice words and we are sure that, by God's grace, we would be 100% successful in the task which God assigned to us.
Thanks, Simplyd.
