I always miss my mom

Philippines
April 6, 2011 11:50am CST
When I opened my account here, my eyes was hooked by the discussion "Mother is our best friend". My eyes get teary but I didn't let those tears rolled from my eyes. I just miss my mom. Everytime I see a post that reminds me of her I almost cry. I can't still accept maybe that she's gone forever. And though I know the fact that she's somewhere I don't know. I'm a believer of the Lord, yes. But of course, this kind of emotion is not about religions, it is something that dwells inside our hearts, our feelings that we can't control sometimes though how much we wanted to. I always tell myself that I must not be guilty of what had happened since I can't do anything about it anymore. She died of breast cancer and so, it was nobody's fault. Maybe I'm guilty because I don't know what to do that time to increase her life. And there's a point that time that I pray for her death to come, just because I don't want to see her feeling much pain. It actually kills me everytime I remember those little prayers. Just because it gives me the idea that maybe I was the one who killed her on my prayers. I wanted to see her. Even on my dreams. I wanted to talk to her. I always remember her everytime I see white dresses. Because, when she could still walk and eat by herself, she brought a beautiful white dress and told me that, "this clothes will be the clothes I'll be wearing when I'm lying on the coffin". She prepared everything so early. Though I always tell her not to be that ready. There are undergarments, shawl, and the white dress. I hate remembering all those things. It actually breaks my heart each and everytime I remember everything. Just because, of all my siblings, I was the one who took care of my mom, even before she got ill and die. My professor told me, "the Lord will take from you the dearest just to test me". Yup, and I believe that too. But, I can't just say "Ok" just because I know until now, the ghost of yesterday is really haunting me.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
11 Apr 11
hi, thats why i always wanted to see my mom,i wanted to be with her and bonding with her,i dont know what would i do if she leave us,i really love my mom my greatest best friend i have in my life,i decided to be a single forever just to take care of her when she getting older.your mom is happy right now because she knew that you really loved her.
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
That is really a devotion. Yup I really hope she's happy there. Cuz I don't wanna see her in pain again. Never. Take care of your mom. Moms' are irreplaceable.
• Australia
7 Apr 11
I love my mom very much. I had been away from my mom for three years and i recently got to meet her. I can not express how happy i was at that moment. It's very sad to know that you have lost your mom already. I can not imagine my world without my mother. I can understand how tough things must have been for you without your dear mother. But your professor is absolutely right. Everyone has to leave this earth one day. I hope you find the peace of mind, God Bless you!
• Philippines
8 Apr 11
God bless you too sweetme329. Before, that's only the words I used to say, "I can't imagine myself without my mom." Now, I don't have my mom, I can't hardly move on, although I show to my dad, to my sisters and brother that I'm ok. Just because if I'll show that I'm freaking sad or emotional they will just say that I'm wasting my time. And that will only make me angry, so I decided to show to everybody that I'm strong, I don't cry and I'm ok no matter what. I still do my best in school, though it seems like it's still shows that I'm not. I chose to be busy everyday, no time for me to think of other things, most especially things that contribute to my emotional distress. Thanks to the Lord, he gave me peace of mind whenever I ask. And thanks to people like you. Happy mylotting.
@dlpierce (488)
• United States
6 Apr 11
I can relate so well to what you are feeling. I lost my mom to liver cancer in 2006. Do not feel guilty for asking God to take her home. There is no pain in heaven. We will always miss them. But we must remember the good times we shared and not be burdened with sadness. Your mom would not want you to feel guilty about loving her enough to let her go.
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
Yup. I agree with you there's no pain in heaven. I'd rather be happy here just because she's always fine. Never she will experience pain again. Thanks much for the comforting words.