Should I marry him?
By rsmegan
@rsmegan (13)
China
April 24, 2011 5:41am CST
My bf's family want us to get married in 2 months.I'm shocked and can not accept it. The thing is a little complicated.My bf's parents has passed away when he was young.So he was kinda of being brought up by his elder brother.And his brother also has his own famliy.Recently,for some reason,his brother has maked some money.So he wanted us to get married as soon as possible so that he can do what he likes freely.I know they love each other very much.And it's really a very big deal for him to arrange his younger brother's(my bf) wedding.Because he is just like his father.In fact,he has his own family to arise,one unemployed wife and two kids.I know he has suffered a lot.And he thinks if we get married,he has finished all that he can do for my bf.And he promised that we do not need to worry about the money.He would pay for all of the cost if we get married in 2 months.If not,he can not make sure what he will make use of the money.Maybe we will get nothing by then.
But to get married is also such a big deal for me.We've been together for nearly ten years since we fell in love with each other.We have experienced a lot.I'm always dreaming of being his bride.I never think of marrying some one else. However,I really do not want to marry him in a hurry.I want to arrange it perfectly. It's true that we can arrange the wedding by ourselves.However,maybe we'll own a debt since our salary is not so high.And some parts of my money will be used to afford my own family.
Actually,both of us want to get married soon.But is it too soon? We totally get no ready for that.What should I do? To accept it or not?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@redvakaurvaki (4216)
• Indonesia
25 Apr 11
You should accept it!! You said that you've been together at least 10 years and wish to get married as soon as possible, so what are you waiting for?! I dont think it king of hurry, you just dont think it's right time, isn't it? However, you still have enough time to plan your dream wedding together with him? How about his perception? Does him accept it? If yes, no more delay, you just need strengthen your heart and prepare to have new life. It's not kind of easy, but just do it and pray, wish this is the best way
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
25 Apr 11
The decision would still be from the both of you. If we would say no, then its your decision if you will listen to us. If you love each other and also planning to get married soon then i think two months is enough to plan a perfect wedding. I cannot understand why the brother of your boyfriend is hurrying the both of you to get married when he still have financial crisis on his end. I think he dont wan to take charge with your brother anymore. That he wants to make sure that his brother has someone who could take care of him and provide comforts for him.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
25 Apr 11
If you are not ready yet then you shouldnt marry him yet. Its only a matter time of anyway. You need to prepare yourself in so many ways. There's financial preparation, emotional preparation and other things to prepare. 2 months is indeed a little short. You dont want to hurry on the wedding, it will either make or break your preparations.
@investor211 (474)
• Mexico
25 Apr 11
ooohhh my god what ,,, heck? ten years ans bf? why you two have been thinking so much, lets put things clear here, this smell fishy!!!! have you ever think this, why your brother in law is gonna pay for??? maybe he wants his brother once and for all to live alone and be self supported.... just kidding but seriously dont you think its time for this man to fly away? personally i would not like a brother living with me forever, dont take wrong ok.
and you please if you love him, dont think too much of and say yes, or not after ten years most be so easy dont you think?
@vivian2011 (8)
• China
25 Apr 11
The reality is always cruel. But as long as you and your BF truly love each other, I think you won't care when to get married, it is just the problem of time.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
24 Apr 11
HI,
I totally agree with you... marry in a hurry is not a good idea. you two should sit down and talk about it and then come up with some solution. another thing,you can ask his brother to put those money a side and you all dont have to worry about loosing it in some reason.
Well, 10 years in bf and gf relationship is really long. My marriage is just only 7 years... less then you, so you and your bf should think about getting married sometimes soon. 2 months is way too short... when I got married, I planned like years
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Apr 11
rsmegan oh my word if the two of you are not ready to get married after ten years what will it take to get you two ready to marry? you want a perfect wedding, there is no such thing so take your new brother in law
to be's offer and marry now,.that is just one daY out of your lives
and while it should be wonderful and memorable he is paying for it
sounds perfect to be and he will let you arrange it of course so go
for it. it will not be in that much of a hurry as it takes a few days to put together a wedding but again its not like a week long affair its just one day.this will cement your relations with your future brother in law and your new inlaws and thats not bad.
to be's offer and marry now,.that is just one daY out of your lives
and while it should be wonderful and memorable he is paying for it
sounds perfect to be and he will let you arrange it of course so go
for it. it will not be in that much of a hurry as it takes a few days to put together a wedding but again its not like a week long affair its just one day.this will cement your relations with your future brother in law and your new inlaws and thats not bad.
@abbypringles (1613)
• Philippines
24 Apr 11
If you have any doubts about getting married, then don't proceed. I am not saying that the person is not right, but it might not be the right time yet. Make sure that you are emotionally ready and this is the most important thing, I believe, before you get married.
@mariacecilia13 (490)
• Philippines
25 Apr 11
I heard a lot of things like this, where in a person getting married, especially for women, feel that way, like they are somewhat afraid or something. But your story is different bemuse you worry about something else which is for me just a natural reaction because of the reason why you feel that way. Marriage should be decided by two people who are about to get married not by people around them even if they are immediate family members, both of you(you and your boyfriend)should be the one planning for yourselves, it is just natural for your boyfriends family to help you financially, but still you and your boyfriend should decide when to get married. =)
@tammy27 (1241)
• Philippines
24 Apr 11
what's with the 2 months thing?? perhaps you ask you bf's bro to extend the time he's asking. since you want to make some personal preparations for your wedding (which is very unique than having a wedding planner to do ALL) perhaps you can try to ask him to add 2 or 3 more months, so that you can have more time to make all the preparations and to perfectly plan your wedding. since you know your bf for quite some time already (i mean, 10yrs is not a joke! your relationship has a strong foundation already) marrying him may not be somewhat like hesitant to your part. but you're more hesitant of the time his brother had given you.
just think of all aspect, what will your situation after both of you are married? is your salary enough? will it be ok to all people involved? and, are you both really ready and prepared???
just think and take it all easy, early congratulations to you guys. :)
@Rapuncille (597)
• Philippines
24 Apr 11
what is with the two months? i am really intrigued by it. anyway, if you feel like not marrying your bf within the specified period then don't do so. marriage is something which shouldn't be done in a hurry. Anything done in haste sometimes turns out to be waste, right?
besides, the deciding factor on whether you should get into it or not shouldn't be dependent on who will finance your wedding. Marriage goes beyond the wedding. You might have the grandest and most expensive wedding you can ever have but when you feel like you are being forced into it, your commitment on it can't be called complete.
Bear in mind that the quality of marriage that you'll have is dependent on your and your partner's commitment and not depending on the amount you have spent putting up your wedding. The wedding is between you two, so it shouldn't be depending on his brother.
besides, the deciding factor on whether you should get into it or not shouldn't be dependent on who will finance your wedding. Marriage goes beyond the wedding. You might have the grandest and most expensive wedding you can ever have but when you feel like you are being forced into it, your commitment on it can't be called complete.
Bear in mind that the quality of marriage that you'll have is dependent on your and your partner's commitment and not depending on the amount you have spent putting up your wedding. The wedding is between you two, so it shouldn't be depending on his brother. @misc11 (384)
• United States
24 Apr 11
I don't think you should get married just because of the money situation. If you don't feel ready, you are probably not ready to get married. When you are ready, you will know you are ready and have no doubt about it. Is it possible for his brother to put away the money he will spend on the wedding so it will be there when yall are ready? I don't think it is fair to rush yall and hold money over your heads. Yall have been together for ten years now, and that is a very long time, so what is it that you are unsure of? You say you definitely want to marry him, but why not tomorrow? Maybe if you could find those answers, it will help you. Get a piece of paper out and brainstorm and try to figure out why you aren't ready and if that can be resolved. Two months is a very short time to plan a wedding though. Maybe the brother can agree that yall get engaged soon and then you have as long as you want to plan the wedding and make it perfect like you want. As I said earlier, see if he can put that money away, and then you can plan. I hope you two the best and hope everything works out just how you want it to :)
@cjfsunny (86)
• China
24 Apr 11
oh,you should accept it.you and your bf have experienced a lot.and you love him very much.you alway are dreaming of being his bride.so i feel you have confirmed he is your parter in the rest of life.so why do you care the time of weeding?what's more,his brother has devoted so mang time ,money ,energy to your bf.i think it is the time your bf should do something for his brother.besides,his brothe will pay for everthing,which save a lot of money for you.from every aspects,accepting the wedding is a wise choice to you.
