Deep, dark secrets...

@dawnald (84146)
Shingle Springs, California
April 29, 2011 2:10pm CST
Today I was considering talking about my marriage and why it didn't work out. I've talked about it a lot here, but it's mostly all been about the things that he has said and done. And the reason I have done that is not to trash the man, but to get opinions and insight, and a feel for whether my instincts are right on or not. But as you know, there are two sides of every story, and I have been considering whether or not to talk about the whole picture. He's done some pretty rotten things, but I've done some things that I'm not proud of too. I've told certain close friends, but never discussed it publicly, and I was pretty close to coming here and posting all about it. And maybe I will still do that, but first I shall just ask about deep, dark secrets in general. Have you come here and posted about things that you weren't proud of? Totally bared your deepest, darkest secrets? Would you? Or are you more the type to keep that sort of stuff off the web? Do you think posting extremely personal stuff here is interesting and maybe useful? Or is it too much information?
14 people like this
47 responses
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
29 Apr 11
I think that as we post and get comfortable with our friends we perhaps, do divulge much of our personal life. I have. A lot. Perhaps too much. I don't know. I to have had traumatic stuff happen and sometimes when helping someone they realise that you may have gone through the same thing so you really know how it feels. For example the miscarriages I suffered and when I related this to a lady who lost her baby then she really knew that I knew what she was going through. My childhood abuse was horrifying but little bits have come out now and then when relating to others too. the bottom line is that women need women and we talk and cry together and suffer together too. Reading personal stuff is interesting in getting to know the person and becoming friends. I expect that the bottom line is - only post with what you are comfortable in posting. Now you would you like to go over to Virginia and deal with the man who is bullying me online?
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Apr 11
Seriously? What man, where? Let me at him!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
29 Apr 11
I am serious but I am dealing with him calmly and with respect. You have enough on your plate. If he is abusive again then I will ignore him. Bye Bye Virginian.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Apr 11
*Standing in line behind Dawn to get at this man bullying my friend!* You wanna mess with Cynthi.. you have to answer to me!! Who is he and what site is he on?
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (37169)
• Holiday, Florida
29 Apr 11
as you know, i often do that as i seldom have anyone in real life to ask or advice. and i think i know whats happened with your marriage. it seems like, just like one of mine, its ireconciable (spelling?) differences. i had one, we just ran out of love and we disagreed on everything. i got to where i couldnt even stand him even though he didnt hit me or do anything i could say was terrible bad. but you cant stay with someone you cant stand
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I can stand him as long as he keeps his distance. We could be halfway decent roommates if he'd stop slapping my butt, for example...
@bunnybon7 (37169)
• Holiday, Florida
2 May 11
o0oohh now thats something i could never take. every one of my husbands knew a fight would start if they smacked my butte!!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
he does it in front of the kids. Should I smack him anyway?
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
29 Apr 11
It really depends. I am a very private person on and offline. I think it was the way I was raised because there are some people that are perfectly comfortable with sharing. I have shared things...the ex showing his tail...being an example...that I would not share at work. Maybe a very close friend or two offline. I don't know. There might be instances where I shared more because I wanted the opinions but then I guess there are things that I really don't want opinions about. What is the old saying...don't ask if you don't want to know. It's not like they can be changed anyway. I think there is a time for everything and if one is ok with it...more power to them...I respect honesty. I also respect privacy too.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I was must less comfortable with sharing not all that long ago. But I was holding way too much in, so I'm learning...
• United States
29 Apr 11
My life isn't that interesting to share but it is much easier to spill your guts to people you don't know than to family members. I spill my guts to my best friend. i suppose it's easier to spill your guts on-line knowing they will never meet you face to face and they really don't know you personally to pass down judgement as with family members. i have done some things I'm not that proud of but would I discuss it on here. I really don't know.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Maybe it is easier... hope my boss isn't on here anonymously
• United States
29 Apr 11
I don't have anything interesting to share about me, although there are some things I would not want out on the net. For some odd reasons I get some who love to follow me and well let's just say I am cautious. Although there are many who do share quite a bit on here, I don't see anything wrong with it because they get to vent, listeners and humble advice. For which I am one who also learns from what I have read from others, so yes I have found many postings to be very useful.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Apr 11
I have found it quite useful, and also gotten things out of my system, though I suppose one could go too far...
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 11
I think talking things out Does help but to post it on My Lot isn't a good idea.Here anyone can read it! I mean the kids. I suggest you find a close Offline friend and talk it out , It All out. Or... send me a private message and I'll send you my Yahoo address and we can talk there.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Been there done that, decided not to post it... But thanks....
2 people like this
2 May 11
Dawn posts whatever she likes up until a point where it gets to personal. Some people like to share there things that happen in their personal life on the other hand some don't.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 11
I post about my life but I never use names .
1 person likes this
@wjack2010 (755)
30 Apr 11
Dawn, you have talked a lot to me about your "husband" and why it hasn't worked out and to be honest leaving that man is good he treated a nice person like you in a bad way! Some personal stuff can be useful but to much and it can have undesired consequences. I tend to try and keep most my personal stuff off of the Internet.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I don't mind putting some things out there, but only to a point...
2 May 11
lol I think the whole of Mylot realises haha. You post way to much here. But after all you are the "Mylot Queen"
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
No, that's Hatley. lol
@gtdonna (1740)
30 Apr 11
Nope I will never post my deep dark secrets anywhere online because one day it can come back to haunt you. Sometimes we think by using usernames etc no one will know about us, but then look how many times police, FBI, CIA etc have been able to trace people just by their Ip address and user name. Not me! I would rather either confide in someone I really think I can trust or keep those secrets to myself. I definately od not trust the internet.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
That's true, but then have you done anything that the FBI and/or CIA would be interested in?
@pupupd (1521)
• India
2 May 11
Nice question dawnald. You might want to start an investigation or something right away, now with osama gone just kidding, please don't mind
1 person likes this
@gtdonna (1740)
2 May 11
Dawn you do not have to do anything to arouse their interest. But let's say you are planning to do something silly, everything you post onlien leaves a digital footprint. certain things you cna post in jest and next thing you know, police could be knocing on your doors. As long as BIG BROTHER is out there, anything can happen.
1 person likes this
• India
1 May 11
Dear dawn I am not in favor of discussing too personal matters here nor in any other sites, it is better to talk over phone, communicate over emails or chat to discuss such things about love, personal life etc here we are from different parts of the world, some may put views that might hurt our feelings. Thanks for this nice discussion however Cheers. God bless you, have a nice day ahead. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Don't worry, I won't tell anybody anything about you.
1 person likes this
• India
3 May 11
Thanks for the assurance
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 May 11
@tink91879 (746)
• United States
30 Apr 11
Personally I wldnt post any thing you didnt want posted in the paper or put on the news. I have a cpl things I wld never post just because Im not happy with what I did and it cld come back and bite me in the butt. We all do things we are not happy about, but sometimes ppl can use those as a weapon. So to post something that will hurt another and cld possibly be brought back onto you I wldnt do it. The world dosent need to know your darkest secrets. Your better off going to therapy for something like that. If you guys have kids you also wldnt want them to some day possibly come across what you wrote and see what others have said. No matter what, he is their father and anything you can post on here you can explain to them in a better way. So I personally dont feel it to be a good idea to post certain things. Mylot, blogs, facebook can be a good source of comfort and getting others opinions for certain things, but somethings need to stay withen in the family.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
The kids... Well there you go. The best reason in the world NOT to spill...
@pupupd (1521)
• India
2 May 11
You can hide your identity so that the kids don't realize anything. Anyways they will be least interested in what a person of their parents age has to say about their married life
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I'd hate to underestimate them though.
@vandana7 (66851)
• India
30 Apr 11
You know I did. I blow my top on papa. For example there were some health reports. At that point of time, there was something else - finance related that could have waited - but papa wanted them attended before I studied my health reports. That annoyed me. I felt he should've been more concerned about my health. It is not as if we are starving. By god's grace, we have our food on table, and we have decent clothes, and good shelter, and fairly enough for medicines. So why is he less concerned about me and more concerned about monies. Especially becoz I played the major role in ensuring all that, while he'd destroyed everything he could. It is frustrating at such moments Dawny. Feel so uncared for..I called him control freak. I know it is horrible thing to say to your aged pa, and I am no teenager who cant control her outbursts. It was just a perverted thing.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
You need some place to vent, and if this is the place, so be it. You can't control your father's behavior, but at least you have this place to come and talk about it.
@vandana7 (66851)
• India
2 May 11
I think when people see papa getting away with controlling me, they too try their luck..they think I wont be able to object. :(
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Maybe so...
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
16 Jul 11
I'm on and off mylot sometimes I'm here for a month, then away for 4 or 6 can't remember if I did post any secrets but I might have in general though, I don't disclose personal info I will post the whole situation, but no name, location, time, and so on
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jul 11
ah, so personal, but with the names changed to protect the innocent?
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
18 Jul 11
both the innocent and the screw uppers LOL most people I know are good at keeping clean image if I reveal their names, most likely no one will believe it instead of advice, I may provoke arguments == not worth it
@epicure35 (2822)
• United States
30 Apr 11
dawn, "We have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God." While none is "perfect" among us, we have to try to look at things from God's perspective. First of all, He loves us boundlessly and endlessly and gave His only begotten Son because He so loves us. This is certainly more than any of us can really absorb or understand from our own vantage point. We all of us have to get the "log" out of our own eye before trying to get the "speck" out of another's. That being said, marriage is a God-ordained covenant and union which so many of us fail to appreciate and acknowledge as such. While we are to be transparent re honesty, not everything should be blasted from the rooftops, and can be both too much information or do more harm than good. God tells us to "speak the truth in love", and that can be somewhat of a delicate balance. If we can benefit and help another through the lessons of our own mistakes, it may be appropriate to reveal some "secrets". But, we must be judicious in so doing because not all can understand or benefit from some wisdom, and it may lead them in the wrong direction unless properly acknowledged. Were I you, I would seek counsel from a trusted spiritual advisor as not all personal revelation is necessary, beneficial, or advisable.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Well I'm not a spiritual person, but I have been in counseling, and it has helped a lot. But the moment has passed, and for now, I'm going to zip it.
@epicure35 (2822)
• United States
2 May 11
I'm glad you've found some resolution!
1 person likes this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
30 Apr 11
No I will not say everything here. I will share some thoughts but secret is secret. I will not gossiping others or talking about a person so much here. It is better to share nice thing with people rather than the bad one.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Sometimes you need help with the bad stuff though. For example, my husband has said things to me that just felt wrong, but I couldn't put a finger on why, and I would post about them here, and people would come in with exactly the right words, so that I could understand why it felt wrong to me. On the other hand, I don't believe in coming in here and just trashing people for the sake of trashing them, that's not right either.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
2 May 11
If things come personally I wont state whom but I will write some metaphor to represent my problem.That's just me anyway. And I agree with you that we can't just come here and trashing others. That is not right indeed~
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
30 Apr 11
could be all three But then how deep and dark is your silience and if all that bad maybe best kept to self butthen again to maybe it would be helpful to get it off yur chest. FOr me not sure I would want the net to know any of that if I had deep dark secrets lolololool
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
the urge has passed me by...
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
3 May 11
good think that best hugsssssssssssssssssss
@savypat (20246)
• United States
30 Apr 11
It's always good to find that you are not alone in the trials of life. I would only tell these things if I thought I could help someone else, but I have noticed that when people do post them often there is a lot of support that may be of help to the one that posts it. We are all human and during our lives do many just plain dumb things or even hurtful things, if it helps you to talk about these do so, what is the worse that can happen. Someone like me telling you that was a dumb thing to do? Well you already know that and now just need help to heal and forgive yourself. Blessings
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
Yup, I already know that. lol
@pupupd (1521)
• India
2 May 11
Thats really kind thought. You think of sharing your personal problems in order to help others, that is very sweet. Very few people think this way. Keep it up!
1 person likes this
@tjburcham (690)
• United States
30 Apr 11
I also had thought about it, but. No I don't see a reason for airing my dirty laundry. I have posted some things I wished I wouldn't have, but nothing that could be used against me at a later date. Keep in mind that you just never know who will see it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
You aren't my boss in disguise, are you?
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 11
:) Hope you have a good day.
@celticeagle (119241)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Apr 11
No. I have secrets that no one knows. Not even my closest friends. I have wondered at times if I could die without letting someone know but I still haven't. I usually come here with things to share that I aam not sure about. That I need others opinions on. Did I do okay? Was this as crazy as I thought it was? That sort of thing. I think you will let lose of things as you are able or decide that you want to.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
We all have secrets...
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119241)
• Boise, Idaho
4 May 11
We do? Well be verry verry quiet!
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
29 Apr 11
You must have posted about your marriage back when my computer was down, so I know nothing other than you are now free I think I read..As for telling your side, you could, but I would be careful because what we say can come back to haunt us. Myself, I have told some things, but not all, because there are some things no one knows, it's that bad.. And you said that a few mylotters already know, so you have a support system when you need it. Yet, if you think it would be therapeutic to talk about it, then go for it..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I think, for now, that the moment has passed...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 11
And probably for the best...
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Apr 11
Hi Dawn To be honest I would not go into details as such one thing I will say though I never got the chance to do horrible things to my ex I was to scared but if I had I would not go into details I would just say it was on both sides not just one but again it is up to each person what they want to reveal
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Apr 11
Eh Karma will get him. You just take care of our little friend, and be happy!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Apr 11
Oh I know Dawn Gissi is doing good Hugs
1 person likes this