I have a quarrel with my boyfriend

China
May 27, 2011 9:05pm CST
Lastday night,I have a quarrel with my boyfriend, I feel very sad. We have been through many things,and we get together,but why we always quarrel? H e wants me to listen to he everything, and each time,I want to talk about us,he says what I say is wrong, all is because me.Then why he is all right? I can't understand,he says that I don't need to care that he quarrel with me,he says if I believe he love me, I will not get angry. But how?! I am a person,not a barbie doll,I have my moods,he only wants me to smile,and he doesn'e allow me to cry or feel sad,how?! I don't know how should I do now,sometimes,I really want to break up with him,I am a simple girl,I just want to be live happy.
3 people like this
15 responses
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
28 May 11
hi minmin I think he is being unfair as usu ally both person have some blame in quarrels. If he cannot be fair about things its time you both go to a marriage counselor of co urse I suppose you are just living together but seeing a counselor and getting some help for him to see he is being unfair to you. a counselor is outside the picture so he or she can be unbiased and really help you to get him to see he is hurting yo u,. just saying I love you then saying mean things to you makes a mockery of his I love you. You are not a barbie doll, you are a sweet intelligent lady and he needs to come off the macho bit, He does not own you and should not be trying to control you, if you want to cry you cry,. its your right.He has to grow up and realize he is in the wrong here, You are a live woman not a toy doll to be put on some pedestal. he needs to hear about how you feel. You are not wrong to want to talk about the two of you. go seek a marriage counslor and get some help to get your boyfriend to listen to you. . .
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
28 May 11
hi, firstly, it's very common for couples to quarrel. I do have my fair share of them too with my boyfriend. Guys always say that we should be happy because they bother about me therefore they quarrel with us. Perhaps you can tell him that he can talk nicely to you instead. Definitely. Sometimes guys just think that we girls have no temper and this is definitely not the case. You boyfriend don't even allow you to cry or feel sad? this is impossible. How can he even ask for such a thing? We are humans and we have feelings too. Does he want a robot girlfriend? Robot have no feelings. Before breaking up, i think you should have a good talk with him, if possible and of course think carefully yourself whether you love this guy and whether he treats you well or not. If you really love him and he treats you good and cares for you, then i think you can continue being with him. But if he don't really love you then there's no point in carrying on. Good luck and hope you stay happy always.
• China
28 May 11
Thank you for your responding. He treats me well when we don't have quarrels,he cares me ,and he loves me,I know that . What I can't stand that is why he never concession,I am his girlfriend,at least ,he should not quarrel with me. I just don't know what to say now,I fell upset. hope everything goes well.
@lajonez (478)
• Poland
28 May 11
I'm sorry but you're like my friend :/ she is also in relationship like this, and she was talking with her boyfriends many times about that situations as yours but it never worked, he was treating her better for 1-2 weeks, and then again was the same. And I see how much she is suffering and waiting for each good time, to charge batteries to survive bad times, but I know she will stay with him and she'll be unhappy because if he still didn't change he will never... Just don't think that if you will break up eventually that you'll never find someone else, because it's not truth
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
28 May 11
It will be worth it if he loves you but i think you need to let him know that you are sad because if you are serious with him, both of you will be together for long and we'll need to accommodate each other in order to last long in a relationship.
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
28 May 11
hello, I also have a boyfriend and like you I also experience that specially when we quarreled and he don't want to talk about that anymore that is why I feel really sad because I think we are not open to each other. And he also said that I am always wrong every time that I think bad things about him. Sometimes I also want to give up. We have the same situations but you must understand first because sooner we will have a reason why we really have to split to them. good luck
@lajonez (478)
• Poland
28 May 11
If you're thinking you both are going to break up, you should do this now... to not waste time, and try to find real love
@sentshan (40)
• Jamaica
3 Jun 11
i understand quarreling is not a good thing when it is consistent. I think you two should have a serious talk and if that doesnt work out you should take time off from each other.
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
2 Jun 11
Hi minmin, I understand the way you feel. Its the egoistic which comes between u and ur lover. You have to now take the full turn to make him sit and listen u for a hour. Your feelings, your thoughts and love, has to be respected. If he says no, he doesnot love you truly. But before deciding talk to him, prove your love for him.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
29 May 11
minmin3456, Quarrels between couples are common and are known to help build a closer relationship with one another if they are done constructively. So, I hope that you are clear with how these quarrels came about and what they are all about. It is always important that both sides have an equal amount of opportunity and time to say whatever is on the minds. Anger aside, the both of you should be looking for a solution and a common ground to stand. You cannot simply sweep everything under the rug and let time or nature work on the problem(s) of the both of you. As the saying goes that it takes 2 to tango, the both of you will need to dig in deep and find ways to solve your problems. Leave malice and vindictive thoughts aside will always do a whole lot of good when angers are pitch high. Once the tide has settled, try talking it out unreservedly from the heart with each other. Talking about our weaknesses and mistakes does not make us any smaller or little than our partners and there should be enough trust for your partner that he will not make use of them to go against you. Otherwise, I'd say that this partner is simply not worth to begin with in the first place. Take care and I hope you are feeling much better now.
• United States
28 May 11
I have been in the same situation before with my current boyfriend. He always expected things to go his way and he was able to have mood swings when he wanted to, but when it came to me he made me feel like I wasnt entitled to have feelings either. Whenever I would cry he would tell me I shouldnt be crying. men are such pigs. I finally stood up for myself and told him that I have feelings just as he does and if he didnt start respecting them then he would find hisself by hisself. I told him that a relationship is 50/50. Its not always about him and he isnt in this alone. I also told him that if he wants a relationship that is all about him then he should be with hisself. You deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to be able to be sad when you want to and express your feelings without someone making you feel like you are wrong for having them. So like someone else said stand up for yourself. A man is only going to treat you the way you allow him to and if you want to be treated better then start expecting better from him.
@nezavisima (7418)
• Bulgaria
28 May 11
If you do not want to be with him then tell him. Tell him that the thrill is gone I just want to stay friends. I know it will be difficult but everything has a solution. If you do not want to spend time with that person as you realized that it was not for you tell him as soon as possible. Do not wait the appropriate time so things are complicated. Just tell him directly not to feed it and empty dreams.Tell him to hell and you feel better and to feel free and happy. Have a nice day and go!
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
28 May 11
Hi. minmim3456. Welcome to myLot! Your boyfriend can't expect to be right all of the time and not you. My husband can be like this too. He will always blame me for why we can't never seem to talk at times. Today, I walked into our bedroom and I asked him, if he was mad at me and he told me why would I ask a stupid question like this. This made me feel bad. I wished that he could understand how I really feel. My husband hurts my feelings with the way that he talks to me at times. Sometimes, to be honest with you, I just feel like divorcing him and just taking care of our three children all by myself.
• India
28 May 11
Hey minmin dont make a hasty decision and then regret all life...guess by the look of it he is not treating you well and should not just respect you but also give you your own space..talk to him about it again and see what he has to say.. give it one more try and see how things go about....good luck and happy endings....
@Nitu27 (68)
28 May 11
It often happens with boyfriend and girlfriend, sometimes quarrel take place. But anyone, means a boy or a girl should not force other to do what he or she thinks. Everyone is independent, everyone wants to take his or her own decisions, and boyfriend or girlfriend should once think about it before making each other to act on what they want. Love is the most beautiful relation in this world...........we should think about it.
@arshan18 (51)
• Philippines
28 May 11
well as a man, i can't understand why is your boyfriend treating you like that? are you really doing something wrong? being a couple, both of you should be understanding. but it seems that he doesn't understand you. the best thing to do is to open up a conversation regarding that topic and hopefully both of you will realized what is not working well into your relationship. if after that conversation, he still insists that he is always right, stand for your opinion. relationship is for two people who are understanding and accepting each other as a rightful partner. it is not intended for a guy who is just trying to dominate the girl. tell him that if he loves you, he should be willing to listen to your opinion. having argument for the most of your time doesn't account for a good relationship into the future. minmin3456, you should think now. there's a lot of "better" man just waiting to be loved. ^^
• India
28 May 11
Hello dear minmin3456 Sorry to hear about your relation. You already know about my relation online from your last discussion. I can understand your situation here being in true love. I would never like my girlfriend to be sad or crying...it is not so that I am asking her not to have feeling...just it means that I want give her all happiness of the universe. Here your boy friend is wrong at some points but not at all points as his intension is not to make you dumb or robot, rather he wants to keep you happy but the mistake he is doing is that he should not go all the way only he wants and should not do all he wants and should not force everything on you. No doubt, he loves you, I can say so as he can't see you crying and he has no intension to make you sad. What he should do is, he should be more understanding and must consult you instead of forcing his views or decisions on you. Another thing, psychologically you have to be stronger and have to stop thinking the way you are thinking as it is set in your brain already that whatever he is doing is doing forcefully on you and your brain says its unfair while it not so every time. Your boyfriend need to me more understanding. Try to make him understand that he is hurting you and it is not love if he just forces his every decision and not moving hand in hand. He needs to improve himself if he really loves and should respect your feelings as well. Same time, one can't clap with one hand so you must also help him to improve. Make him feel once that he is the one who is making your life hell instead of making you happy with the way he is behaving. Your boyfriend may be disturbed due to some other reasons and he has only you with whom he can share anything being you are closest to him so may that can also be the reason that he is behaving so, but even then he should be more understanding because you are human not a materialist thing that he can use it any way. Try to be calm dear friend and also make him calm too. If he really loves you then he will understand you and will not hurt you any way. I hope it helps Have great time Take care Happy myLotting!!
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
28 May 11
Guys often have a hard time understanding women. It makes them nervous when you get mad, or quiet, or worse, cry. Talk to your boy friend and explain how you feel. Do this when you are both calm and notever in the middle of a fight. Explain to him you need more understanding from him if he really cares about the relationship. All the best to you. Love can be trying sometimes :) but it's worth all the effort when you are with the 'right' person. You just need to find out if he is the right person who will respect you and respect your opinions and ideas.
@lajonez (478)
• Poland
28 May 11
From this what you said I think he doesn't love and he's not respecting you, he just want you to follow him and do whatever he wants... I'm sorry but I think he's just feed on you :/ he wants to feel he's smarter and better than you are! and you have right to be mad on him, scream or cry or do whatever you want to do, you are free person, be yourself if he can't accept this who you are he doesn't deserve on you! I'm sorry but this is what I think