Why do people refuse to apologize when they have done something wrong?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
June 3, 2011 8:59am CST
I am dealing with an issue right now in my life. I helped this older woman out. I gave her some money and she overspent, $19.19 more than what she was supposed to. Well, I called her on the phone and I confronted her about it. I did so in a respectable way. I did not accuse her at first. I asked her if she was aware that she overspent. She asked me what do I want her to do. I told her that I would like for her to pay me back. She then got so defensive and angry. She claimed that she does not owe me any money and that if anything my husband owes her $15.00. She told me, that is she owes me anything, it is only $4.00. To make a long story short, I have found out from my husband that he does not owe her any money whatsoever. It is a woman that owes her $15.00 instead. So this older woman took the $15.00 out of my money that I gave to her and she spent it just because this other woman did not pay her back. I think that this was very unfair. She hung up the phone on me and she has not called or came by my house to apologize at all. I was nice to her and I trusted that she would not overspend with the money that I gave to her. It is not so much about how much that she overspent, it is simply the principle of her being honest, respectable and kind to me. I am upset with her because she has been so succumbed with pride to even apologize to me. Why did she treat me so cruelly when I have been nothing but nice to her?
5 people like this
22 responses
@tink91879 (742)
• United States
4 Jun 11
Find this a lot, ppl who feel others owe them for what ever reason. I know with my ssiter in-law she takes and takes and even though she is in the wrong she never apologizes and if your not giving her what she wants she wants nothing to do with you and is just down right disrespectful. I think sometimes ppl dont aplogize just out of shame and fear and guilt and have to work their way up to it or show it in a different way, but sometimes ppl dont apologize because they just feel the world owes them.
2 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
hello cream,
Sometimes people becomes rude as defense mechanism.
You are right,this woman could have explained to you in a nice way instead of getting angry ,or could ever come to your house and explain the matter with you.
But then again,pride is one reason why people do not accept their mistakes.
I wish this woman will realized her mistake one day and will come to talk with you.
have a great weekend ahead 
@liz2009 (2)
•
3 Jun 11
Hi everyone, the way I view this matter is a little different, as a polite person, thak God you ask her but her reaction was unfair forgive and forget she may wake up from her unfair attitude and apologise. In another way I don't see any reason to apologise to somebody that failled to comfront you and take the matter to the third party. I don't think such a person deserve an apology. have a nice weekend.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
3 Jun 11
Hi. liz2009. Welcome to myLot!
I don't quite understand your comment here. So you think that the woman that overspent my money should not apologize to me? As far as the third party person goes, I had nothing to do with this. Nor, do I know who this woman is. No one told me anything about her. So, if this woman owed her money, then she should have confronted her, the third party, about this. It was very unfair of her to make me pay for something that someone else owed to her.
I don't quite understand your comment here. So you think that the woman that overspent my money should not apologize to me? As far as the third party person goes, I had nothing to do with this. Nor, do I know who this woman is. No one told me anything about her. So, if this woman owed her money, then she should have confronted her, the third party, about this. It was very unfair of her to make me pay for something that someone else owed to her.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
7 Oct 11
Personally people like this are totally useless in my opinion, and I do not blame you for confronting her like you did. At least you have learned your lesson on one less person to help out in life, and in time this will come back to bite her. People like this always act like everyone owes them, and then when they finally wake up and realize what they are doing they end up only continuing to find others that will many times do the same to them.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 11
The reason people won't apologize even when they know full well that they're in the wrong is because of pride. Or should I say false pride. It's a sad shame that a lot of people are like that. I was one time but I'm not anymore. I'll be the first to apologize when I realize I made a mistake or when I'm called upon it, then I'll explain myself and what I meant. After that, it's up to the person to take my apology or my explaination for what it's worth because for me, it's worth a lot because I mean what I say or I don't say it.
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
8 Jun 11
Why do people refuse to apologize? Lots of reasons! Pride. Arrogance. Some people won't because they do not want to admit they are wrong! Some people are just are heartless! They don't care about other person's feelings! I have been there! It gets to the point where no matter what you do,it is best to stop helping the person out! If they don't appreciate the help,screw them! That is my advice.
@DoctorDidi (7018)
• India
7 Jun 11
For begging apology, one requires to have a strong mental courage, but you must admit that most of us lack this quality.
1 person likes this
@makatas (1098)
• Greece
4 Jun 11
I find the example you described as a typical situation nowadays.
For what I know, many people lately are like this. I really do not know if it's the financial crisis or what, but many people tend to look into taking advantage of others. I have myself come across this many times - people just aren't same anymore, that's what I think.
Well, for all that it's worth my opinion is you stop having any kind of relations with her, no greetings, nothing. Because it really isn't worth it spending time and effort and spoiling your mood trying to understand what is wrong with her.
Have a nice day and take care!
@myswirlyagelessmind (379)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
I think you handled the matter very well, you were straight to the point and cool the whole time. We cannot control how people behave but we surely could control ourselves. That woman certainly has pride in the wrong place and she made a fool of herself by treating you so harshly. You're better off not having someone with a toxic attitude like that in your life and you needn't even share your story about her to others because the people around her will learn about that first-hand, she'll be responsible for the destruction of her own reputation.
1 person likes this
@ariana01 (182)
• United States
4 Jun 11
Its a pride thing. You know who was right and that's all you need to know. Also people are just mean and don't want to admit they were wrong. Just let it go. There are so many people out there that don't even deserve good people to think twice about the dumb things they say and do.
1 person likes this
@rhannealmoite (338)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
There are people like that. They never swallow their pride and insist their side even they know that they are the one who's wrong. It's goo that you remained civilized and respectful to that old lady even if she doesn't deserve that. Let's hope in time she'll realize what she have done. Let's pray for that woman to change.
1 person likes this
@YoungPapa (6)
•
4 Jun 11
I think it is because people don't want to admmit they are wrong. You know how old people are. They are more seasoned and they get very defensive. She may not give you back the money but its ok. Just sue her. Hahaha just playing with you.
1 person likes this
@januarykayc (35)
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
Maybe she got too embarassed by the fact that she did something wrong. sometimes people do not want to admit they were wrong because they don't want you to see that you've hurt their pride. maybe the fact that the issue is about money added to her embarassment too. if i was her, i'd be ashamed of myself. do not worry, you did no wrong. some people are just like that. don't stress out!
1 person likes this
• India
4 Jun 11
If they apologize their ego hurts. Also to apologize means that one have committed mistake, which people quite often do not want others know.
@celticeagle (159538)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Jun 11
Some people cannot admit when they are wrong. It is not in their make up. I would just be grateful that it isn't more money than what you have stated. I would learn from this and move on. I remember you discussing this before on here and I am sorry you had this happen but some people are just not real honorable.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
3 Jun 11
Wow now that was a total rude response from her, the least she could have said was she was sorry and then explain why she felt she could do so. Though it was no reason to take it out on you as whomever, if they actually do owe them money why is it okay to take advantage of your generosity.
That is odd cream but you know how the world is some as kind and giving as yourself and some who just do not care and do not appreciate being helped. Too sad and hope she never needs again, as many would not be as caring as you.
1 person likes this
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
3 Jun 11
Don't expect this woman to ever see your point of view. In her eyes, she did nothing wrong. You are lucky to know what kind of person this woman is. I wouldn't invite her to my house or even want her there.
People apologise rarely and never when they believe they are justified in their behavior. Don't expect it - ever! Be greatful when it comes. And when you find a person like the woman you referrence above, don't trust them, and don't include them in your life. You don't need the hassle. With friends like her, you already have all the pettiness and bad behavior you need.
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
3 Jun 11
Very interesting discussion a friend!I think people do not admit mistakes because of his ego because it may suffer and be lost faith in people discover if they are wrong.Everyone has the right to sin on earth would a sinless man.
I think I have to admit mistakes to others not to remain silent but not everyone thinks so. Nobody admits his guilt because he is afraid because he wants to have respect for others and if you recognize a mistake to think that there is no influence over the people. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@minimoyz (277)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
yes, sometimes life is fair. some people have the tendency to get mad when their pride is stepped on even if it is their mistake. i have met people like this that doesn't want to be criticize. to make matters worst they even stab you on the back. they'll tell the story the other way around. this kind of attitude makes me wanna kill them. making you bad to others. so sometimes it's better not to react to this issues!
