rommate issue

United States
June 12, 2011 11:20am CST
Okay guys here we go... this time it's me on the table and I need some advice. I met this girl about three months ago in a support group. We both were in a bit of a predicament concerning living arrangements. So she comes to me and asks if I want to get a place together. In my despair and wondering what I was going to do, I said yes. Now mind you, she sold me on how her boyfriend was going to pay the bills for six months to allow us to get on our feet. She claimed she wanted to help me out although I could not figure out why since we barely knew each other and I wasn't working and still have been unable to find a good job. I have been trying to work online, but I have not been having as good a fortune as I had hoped. So anyway, now her story has changed. Apparently the boyfriend is not going to be able to help us now. She turned off the cell phone she got me and is now pressuring me about bills daily that she originally said not to worry about. I can't pay yet, and so I want to move out into a situation that will truly allow me to get on my feet, however she keeps asking me to stay and help her with what I can and the more I try to help her, I am getting farther and farther in a rut. I'm not helping myself yet, much less her...I also don't want to feel like I am doing the wrong thing by leaving, but me staying is creating a bigger issue. I don't really like living with her or anyone for that matter. I am not getting much sleep, because I feel restless and everything within me tells me to move on and cut my losses and do what I can to take care of me and my daughter. Guys what should I do? I agreed to pay her back my share of the bills once I get on my feet in a reasonable amount of time. What do you all think?
1 person likes this
2 responses
12 Jun 11
It sounds like she's using you to move away from dependence on her boyfriend - and into dependence on you. A bit of manipulation, careful guilt-tripping and she's got you worrying about paying her bills. If she guaranteed you that you wouldn't have bills to pay for six months, then it's her problem: though being a nice person, as I'm sure you are, you could offer to repay your share later on. Get out now, before she digs in deeper. You're better off without someone like that around. And remember: you are NOT responsible for other people's actions - her situation (unable to pay bills because of boyfriend) is not your fault. I'll say it again: get out now. She is NOT your responsibility. Your daughter is and you'll be better off elsewhere, where you can get your feet back and be a good parent to someone who deserves it, rather than to some psycho woman who needs a crutch to lean on.
12 Jun 11
By the way, does your username indicate that you're a writer? If so, pop me a note: I can't list all the resources here (there are too many) but have a list of freelance work sites and a bunch of other stuff of particular use to US-based writers. Not referrals, all free, just stuff I've accumulated over the last 3 years. No spam, honest.
• United States
12 Jun 11
Spike...man it seems like the minute I signed the lease things changed. I first had to tell her to stop going in my room. I mean, I'm a grown woman; I don't need another grown woman cleaning my room and treating me like I'm a kid (or in a relationship when clearly we are not), then she cries if I don't want to do things with her or for her. I am not a big crier like that and if I do, it's in the privacy of my own space, not for anyone else to see, so that shyt annoys me. She does things for me and then expects things in return. So...I told her today, I am going to help out this last month. I mean I kinda feel a weee bit obligated since she did help me out, even though it was of her own volition, I don't want to be a taker like that. I guess I just want to leave in peace. She's a drama queen, (I use to be one also) so I get where she's coming from and I don't need the extra headache. I'm telling you...watch and see, I'm going to help her out the rest of this month and she will be asking me not to leave again and poor mouthing how she won't be able to handle the bills without me when in reality she's been handling them without me this whole time. But this time, I am putting my foot down and leaving regardless. I have children that need me while I am playing good freakin samaritan on this end. Thanks for the feedback. I will take that information by the way. Yes I am a writer and love doing so. I added you as a friend also.
1 person likes this
12 Jun 11
I lived with a girlfriend who was like that. Total nightmare! It destroyed me when she cheated on me and walked out (taking most of our stuff with her and demanding I pay her for my half of it all when she was independently wealthy and I was working in a shop for a pittance!) but I'm *so* glad it ended now. Grown up a lot since then, I can tell you! I'll pop you the monster list of sites and some other resources I use in a minute.
@marie2052 (3697)
• United States
13 Jun 11
I was reading your discussion and then the responses between you and Spike the other mylot responder. What I caught is that you are in a lease with this girl? is your name on the lease? If so that is going to cause you a new set of issues as you are responsible for half the lease on the apartment. If your name is NOT on the lease, by all means I agree with Spike RUN and do not look back. Bless you and good luck! We certainly will be thinking of you in this dire situation.
• United States
13 Jun 11
Marie, yes my name is on the lease however, I was told my office staff that after 90 days I can be removed from the lease as long as she and I both sign me off. Now, the trick is getting her to sign me off. I don't care if she does or not. Even if I have to still pay my half, I am so gone. I don't care. I can't stay here anymore. I am a Pisces and my emotions have to be at peace for me to continue in the way of prosperity. This situation is played. She is always in my business; asking me questions about my life that have nothing to do with her like we are in a freaking relationship. I had to tell her that I am not into girls. Like she is really in her own world and I just don't want to be apart of it anymore. If it cost me half the rent for my sanity and peace so be it!! I am outta here!