Mothers put so much pressure on daughters!

My Favorite Marilyn Manson Style Platform Boots - I bought these February 2011 around the time my last ex boyfriend broke up with me. I was really upset at the time, and I always wanted boots like these, but they're kind of expensive. So I knew I deserved them, so I went all out and bought them. I actually got them on eBay for only 50 bucks which is a steal for these type of boots.
United States
July 4, 2011 10:27pm CST
Growing up, I have had a lot of pressure put on me to be someone I didn't want to be. And most of the pressure, honestly, came from my mom because she always lived vicariously through me. So I'm pretty sure the reason she never liked me to wear chains and studded collars and my favorite Marilyn Manson style platform boots, is not because she thought those harmless things were dangerous or put off a bad image, but because it was not her idea of femininity. She put a lot of pressure around me when I came to my senior prom, and because I knew I wouldn't have a date, I was nervous about it. I finally decided that I wanted to go with a girl; not because I'm a lesbian, but because she was one of my best friends and I knew it would be fun to go with her. For the longest time my mom did not want me to go with a girl; she'd rather I would have been all alone than letting me go with my friend, because she wanted me to go with a guy. It really was never fair, in the way, that she has always wanted me to live the life she never did. Even now, if we're watching a movie, she'll tell me, "You're going to meet a guy like that someday." as though I really need a man to verify myself as a woman. But now I have met the man I'm planning to marry and spend the rest of my life with, and as wonder and amazing as he is, I know she's always going to criticize whatever I do. I really don't want her to know about his past, because there are a lot of things she really wouldn't approve of, but I can't imagine a better life than spending it with him. When it comes down to it, it's just not right for a mother to criticize her daughter so much, and to expect such a specific life for her. It hasn't' made me into the person she wants me to be, but I am proud of who I am. I do love my mother, and she is a good mother, but because of all of these expectations she has had of me, and because she has tried so hard to plan out my life for more, it has not made me more of a person that she wants me to be, honestly, it has made me into a liar. That's the thing. I have to lie, and it's not because I'm manipulative or sneaky. It's because that's the only way I can be who I want to be without being criticized more than I already am. I don't really thing it's fair.
1 response
• Philippines
5 Jul 11
I'm sorry that you feel that way. I kinda understand your situation, there were times when I was younger when my parents forced what they wanted on me -- what to take in college, what job I should have. And then I realized that what they wanted for me was what they wanted for themselves when they were younger. Parents sometimes see their kids as extensions of themselves, they want their children to have or do what they didn't have or failed to achieve when they were younger. Well, most parents like that. But with that realization came my own: that I don't want to do what they wanted me to do because it's not me. I wouldn't want to experience not having to do what my heart desired. To their eyes, it was rebellion, but to me it was an exercise of my freedom as my own person. Little by little I made them understand. Now I am my own person, not a shadow or extension of my parents. Forgive my unsolicited advise, but I do think that it's time for you to step up and be who you want to be. Don't let other people sway you into doing things you don't want. It's not selfish, it's just being honest with yourself. And when you are honest with yourself, you'll find peace of mind and happiness in your heart. Never mind what the others say. People will say things, but in the end you'll find yourself happy because you went with what your heart wanted. Wishing you all the best!