have you ever distanced yourself from somebody else, why?

@chiyosan (29383)
Philippines
July 24, 2011 12:23am CST
So for whatever reason you may have... did you ever had to keep yourself away from a person? an annoying co worker who is always at your back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who made you feel like you are the worst person in the world a friend who was pulling you down into vices, etc... a family member who only remembers you when they want to borrow money from you but won't help you when its your turn to ask a favor from them so have you ever tried to distance yourself from a person/group of people and what is your reason?
5 people like this
36 responses
• Philippines
24 Jul 11
hi chiyosan, Yes now I am keeping myself distant to someone who is desperately wants to be an Indian gal though she is a Filipina I am fed up because obviously she is using and stealing my knowledge when it comes to India and Indian, I don't want to be like this to her but I don't have a choice she s getting worst every time we are together so better keep myself away from her. happy mylotting
• Philippines
24 Jul 11
Hello, Bhabycatch. Aren't you a Filipina yourself? Though I thought that in most of your pictures you could be mistaken as an Indian lady. So you are indeed knowledgeable about India and indian people. Hmmm... Now , I wonder if you have an indian heritage? Your firend by the way, is a pain in the neck. Just saying. I wouldn't want to get hooked with someone like that to...
• Philippines
24 Jul 11
hi eurekafemme, I am a Filipina and proud to be One I am that is also some people's question to me Yeah I made a discussion because I was really fed up with her \ nice to see you here
• Philippines
24 Jul 11
Obviously I am not that girl, since I am Filipina and I do live in India, but I DON'T WANT TO BE AN INDIAN GIRL! No offense ladies, but I am proud of my roots and I will not imitate a race just to "fit in", anyway I wonder why that Pinay girl wants to be Indian, hehehe!
• Philippines
26 Jul 11
Yes, I do distance myself from someone in the past. Simply because he is not a healthy friend (you know what I mean). Everybody in the workplace never likes him. I am the one who tried to understand and reach out. But I guess everyone has limitations, and I reached mine; hence, I have to go.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hi mentalward, thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well as of this writing. It is good that you have distanced yourself from the abusive relationship you have with your husband. I always believed that all issues can be and will be able to be solved by anyone, but when it comes to someone physically taking matters into their own hands, that would already turn me off and be disgusted as to how and why would a man hurt a woman in this way. When someone did notice our distance and has not even inquired about it, and has not been curious why is is happening and IS NOT doing anything to have the issue resolved, it just shows how much they do not care anymore. right? And the fact they do not even acknowledge that they have hurt you, it just is too painful that often they make you feel it is YOUR fault... which is not the truth, of course. You are a very strong woman, just be firm, it is good that you are showing him he must not treat you like what he has done to you. You will be able to get thrrough this, I am sure of that. Goodluck and have a blessed day.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
apologies for the wrong post... hope you have a great day.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
hi there minniemadz, how are you doing so far? =) I have hoped that you were able to influence others to understand this person as well. they could have reasons why they do not like him as much, but then we should still get to know a person fully before we actually decide not to like them especially that we are working with them. often this is really hard especially when you are unable to just be the one to try to understand. Maybe after your efforts he still was the kind of person that was hard to get along with then, yes i would agree to you that we all have limitations, we cannot just always understand we too must be understood and people who are self centered and are not ready to compromise, then I would say that perhaps it was just for the best. Have a great day and thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
That's what happen to all my relatives. They only knew me when they have something to ask with me... That is why I am not always aware on what they told me. Because I know all of those good words have something to exchange...
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hi there aerous, this is really common, so far a lot of mylotters have stated that they have experienced this with their relatives one way or another. An yeah there are those who would first be good to you with the intention of asking a favor, and there are also those who are actually just direct and blunt and would be asking for favors with no qualms of how you two were. he he thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
5 Mar 13
Yup! It's really hurt to face the truth but that is the truth, friend. There is a saying that "No Money, No Honey" seems this is apply to some people who are being friendly when we have money. But when worst situation struct to us and nothing left but our own life. All of them will go away and never tried to extent help...But that is life and need to accept it. The important thing was God, never abandoned us in times of troubles and trials in life. Life might be hard but we can strive to survive because God, always guide on us.
@gluv1627 (45)
• Philippines
24 Jul 11
yesi i did because i confirmed with careful analysis and observation that they are not truthful to me- full of lies and pretensions.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 13
hello, gluv - how are you? It is wonderful that you have actually asssessed and have known that your friends weren't trut to you before. I sure hope that you would be able to find your true friends, takes time i guess but it will be worth everything, anyway. right? God bless!
@Rick1950 (1555)
• Lima, Peru
7 Feb 13
Hello Chiyosan, thanks for your response. I was waiting for it and finally it arrived :D Actually one needs to be patient with the people, because we want also to be tolerated by the others. We need to be in touch with others, but also we need time to be alone and reflect about our lifes. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
13 Feb 13
staying away from some people are parts of our lives. Most of the times its for our good. I stayed away from few friends who judge me, who uses cruel words against me and do not respect me. Well, the reasons are deep enough for me to distance myself. I have better friends than them. :)
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
it is good especially when all the person did was to hurt you. It is almost always the case, anyway. right? =) I would also stay away from someone who is like that, when they are cruel and when they do not respect me, being made to help as if you're not important is something that would be engraved in my heart and i would remember that, especially from a friend.
@kourdapya (926)
• Philippines
13 Feb 13
Hi chiyosan, glad to find this discussion! Yes, I have distance myself to someone, an old friend. We've been friends for more than ten years now but sad to say I don't consider her my friend anymore. THe reason was, let's say she hit my achilles heel. She's been doing that since we were students, she always pinpoints my weaknesses. She put me down many times, she laughed at my mistakes, and she was my tormentor. I got tired because I feel like she was competing with me when there's really no competition to begin with. I got tired of her so I got rid of her as a friend. She texts me once in a while but I don't respond. I don't attend to her birthdays, or her daughters birthday anymore. I just want to avoid this feelings of hurt the she gave me.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
18 Feb 13
Hi kourdapya! Sorry to hear that you have been hurt by someone you considered your friend. Sometimes this happens too when we are very close with someone that they already know everything about us, often they would not even be aware that they are already overboard when it comes to what they say about us. If they have intentionally done this it may be reason enough for us to stay away. I just feel that if you were really close, it is sad that a relationship would be like this, and she might not even know why you are recently "off the grid". I can understand your concern though that you just have to stay away for now because you were hurt, I hope you would still be able to patch things up in the future.
@annavi23 (6302)
• Philippines
7 Feb 13
Those friends whom you thought but never really a true friend. Those who say good things in front of you and say bad things behind you. People like that can't be trusted. It's better to have friends who say bad things in front of you, at least you know what they really think about you and tell you personally. Well, sometimes it just depends on how people share their feelings. SOmetimes they find it hard to let it out cause they might hurt the other but then, they didn't know they are hurting in anyway. Anyways, yeah, there are people who just remember you when they need money but then they don't seem to care if you are the one who needed it. really bad, isn't it? I hope they'll realize that they are doing wrong and unfair to other people. I think telling them that you didn't like what they are doing can be done. It's just that it depends how you say it.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 11
Yes, I have. You made the list and it's all in that list except the boyfriend part as I don't have one.LOL Annoying co worker is a great problem but easy to overcome. Ignore them even if they are just beside me. Have a distance with them? Yes. Friends and family who makes me looks like just a shadow when they don't need me. Should I keep myself away from them?? At this moment yes!Yes!Yes!(^^)
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
CTHanum, hi there! hope you are doing well. he he well i guess i have spotted on the list except for the boyfriend part, hehehe :P As you have said in here, it is rather true that it is quite easy to ignore an annoying co-worker, perhaps it is just about how we handle these cases right? I have had a few annoying co-workers and yeah i can get by without having to be bothered by their presence anymore, they just don't start with me and hell will break lose, if you know what i mean. ;) Haha, there are many kinds of people, that is true, a lot of them are like that and when they do not need you, they don't seem to know you, but if you can give them something, they are all over you!
@fannitia (2170)
• Bulgaria
25 Jul 11
I broke my relationship with a good friend because of money. This is a stupid story and she made a lot of stupid things at one moment of her life. She got a new home and began to spend more money than she could afford. She borrowed too much money from her friends. Finally I saw this famous credit crunch that happened in the US live, in my home town. She was about to lose her new apartment, she sold it to redeem a mortgage and she began to make mistake after mistake... This is really a sad story about a lost friendship.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hello there, fannitia. i hope that she is doing well and have learned from mistakes she committed early on in her life. Often people have to have the taste of their own failure so they would learn. They think thaat since many people are ready to lend them money and help them, they probably are not too aware that money is indeed hard to find and that they should be able to give value to that. I am sure that since she was forced to sell her house during the US hard times years back, i would like to think that she has now learned to live within her means? probably that is what should be the case, right? I mean she must be responsible now and to know what to prioritize in terms of the expenses. So sorry too that you have to stay away from her, lost friendships for whatever reasons are always very sad, its hard to let go of people we were close with before. We will terribly miss the times we were with them, right? But maybe things just has to be done, anyway. =) Have a great day! thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Jul 11
There was this male co-worker I used to have lunch with, and one day we got ice cream after lunch, and he started licking the ice cream in a provocative way and made a comment that made me feel very uncomfortable. After that I didn't have lunch with him so often any more,and usually only when somebody else would come with us.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hi there! dawnald, i do understand what you have said in here, i usually do not also go out with people both male of female if their presence make me uncomfortable, especially that if they do things to purposely try to provoke my anger, or try to make me act beyondmy comfort zone. Admit it or not there are just people who are like this and they sort of change us bit by bit, day by day in little ways to make us become a differrent person without control. thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
25 Jul 11
I've had to distance myself from my own husband. It is a sad situation but I just recently realized that he is a narcissistic sociopath. Something else I just realized about him is that he is extremely co-dependent, even though he pushes everyone else away from himself and wants me to have no friends or family around me. He just wants me all to himself, like he owns me or something. Anyway, he has hurt me way too bad too many times so I have had to back away from him emotionally until I can get away from him physically. I did this so I would not be hurt by him anymore. The saddest part about this is that he doesn't seem to even notice that I've distanced myself from him. He does seem a little curious about why I'm packing my things up but he won't ask, probably because he's afraid of the answer that I'm leaving him. But, he won't do anything to even try to make the situation better, probably because he doesn't even realize that he has caused me to want to leave him; he doesn't seem to think that anything is his fault. Oh, well. He'll have plenty of time to reflect on this once he's sitting here all by himself wondering what in the world would make me want to leave him (even though I've told him right to his face). His loss!
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hi mentalward, thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well as of this writing. It is good that you have distanced yourself from the abusive relationship you have with your husband. I always believed that all issues can be and will be able to be solved by anyone, but when it comes to someone physically taking matters into their own hands, that would already turn me off and be disgusted as to how and why would a man hurt a woman in this way. When someone did notice our distance and has not even inquired about it, and has not been curious why is is happening and IS NOT doing anything to have the issue resolved, it just shows how much they do not care anymore. right? And the fact they do not even acknowledge that they have hurt you, it just is too painful that often they make you feel it is YOUR fault... which is not the truth, of course. You are a very strong woman, just be firm, it is good that you are showing him he must not treat you like what he has done to you. You will be able to get thrrough this, I am sure of that. Goodluck and have a blessed day.
• United States
25 Jul 11
Most people have distanced themselves from someone they were once close to...stating reasons that are only a small portion of the true reason. Usually we do so to protect ourselves from harm, physical, psychological, mental or emotional, or even a combination of them all. We usually begin this distancing emotionally. We find that the demands on our emotions too strong so we respond less and less. We find we start thinking of the person less often and in a less positive light. Finally we physically move away, either by relocating or no longer sharing space and time with the person in question. I, myself, have distanced myself from my adult children from time to time. Their behaviors toward me becoming intolerable along with the attitudes they present. I do this with them to preserve the remainder of the mother daughter relationship, waiting patiently for them to end their experiments in life. Sometimes we are very aware of the distancing we are doing, other times we hardly notice at all...for example we might suddenly think "I wonder where so and so is? I haven't heard from them in months." Leaving open the question just who distanced from who...yet we would discover that more often than not, if we examined this distance, that it was ourselves who ceased the efforts of holding a relationship.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Yes, that is true most of the reasons we stated are probably a portion of what has really transpired, and it could drill down to a depth we never could imagine, in reality but then we do things of course to help ourselves, protect ourselves and assess ourselves as to what we want. I liked how you have interpreted our common actions, the process in which we people do to limit ourselves in getting in touch with a person, and yes i wouuld agree that it starts from us thinking of it first, and then taking it into our hands by moving, not being with them physically, etc. I am sorry that the incident is happening and it is with your children, but your patience and understanding when it comes to their ways are great and I think it is indeed what mothers do, understand and love them still even if their children did something wrong or has offended them. I hope you are soon okay to recconcile with them and make your relationship better than before. Referring to the last paragraph of wha tyou shared with us, yes this has happened to me and yes I realize often that I am also responsible for not getting in touch with them. =)
• China
25 Jul 11
I distanced a male friend on purpose. Because I found him a little liked me. And he even hinted it for several times. That made me uncomfortable.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
GraceChen03, thank you so much for your response, hope you have a great day. I'd say if you are not able to reciprocate and give back what he wanted from you, in this case he said that he liked you, then that is better than leading him on. =) I think you have made the right decision.
@derek_a (10902)
25 Jul 11
I think that there are many people in all our lives that we prefer to keep a distance from, but as a Zen practitioner, I have found that it is those people that we distance ourselves from that is showing us something about ourselves. _Derek
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
derek_a, how are you doing? I hope you are doing well. have a wonderful day. =) I think maybe we do see the bad side of ourselves and that this is the very side we want to be able to keep away or hidden from ourselves. and yeah maybe that is the reason, but then often the people we try to get away from are those who have hurt us. thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@salonga (27986)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
I don't have any particular person from where I distanced myself as of now. But I make sure I choose the people I go along with. I am now an isolationist but I have always been a separatist. I don't go or associate myself from people whose lifestyle breaks my moral standard. I also keep away from gossipers, backbiters, envious ones and those people who tends to abuse my kindness.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
salonga, hello there. How are you. Thank you for your respoonse. that is true, i think that it is really just normal. people do have their own preferences and that is just right when you think you have different views from people, i think you would really just have to not want to be with them anymore. thank you for your response, have a wonderful day here in mylot.
@jiyeon21 (102)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
a big YES! i already done that to my friend in way back my college years we are very close and our friends and classmate told us that we are inseparable and we are like sister because we enjoy the same likes...when it comes to foods, clothes, and many things... but thier comes this instances that she done this kind of thing that i could never understand her while she does that and she could make lie to her parents and us her friends.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Feb 13
Hi jiyeon21, it sure happens indeed when we have to distance our friends because almost all the time changes come and they too will find other things they like to do even if it means not being with us. Of course when she uses you and your group but that is not the truth, your friend's family might already think of you as the bad influence in her. So it is better that you stay away from her, lest that she drags you into her world and what it has become.
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
Yes, probably because I feel very awkward when you are with that specific person. The reasons would vary but if there really is a reason for you to not want to be near the person then you will do that. It's a natural reaction among any living being. It does not feel good but sometimes you just have to do it.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
8 Feb 13
Hi there, sinawaliboy i would agree that often when we are already not comfortable already with someone... it is just appropriate of course that you would not want to be with the person anymore. Thank you so much for your response in the discussion. Have a wonderful day! Happy Mylotting. =)
• United States
25 Jul 11
chiyosan I have had to distance myself away from some family members for constantly asking me for money and not paying it back. I don't get any assistance from anyone all I do is run my internet business and they think that I and super rich but I am not yet lol! It bothers me to think that they don't even want to come and see me unless I give them something. Lately, I had a person harass me on facebook about getting a free reading when I thought they were coming to me as a friend and someone that would want to get to know me for me. Boy was I wrong.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
8 Feb 13
katherin, how are you? I think this has been a lot of case that has happened to many of us, and then also it is really common and the reason why a lot has stayed away from their family members. When they come to be like that already, I'd say it is just about right that you no longer would want to be with them anymore. Because the relationship seemed one way that they only are with you as friends because they can benefit from you.
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
This posting makes me smile and remember my past. :) Hehehehe.. Yes, I did! I decided to relocate myself just to avoid seeing my ex boyfriend. Hehehehe.. Actually, we didn't have a formal break up. I don't know.. I just feel like avoiding him and not see him. I'm miles away from him now. Hehehe.. And I'm so happy about it. I'm happy now with my life and with my new boyfriend. :)
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
8 Feb 13
jdex, hello, oh wow, you even relocated just so you wouldn't bump into him? i think that is really an effort you had to make. But at least you do know what you want and you are firm not to be in contact with him anymore - this is a positive act, i suppose as you are able to move on and just look forward to your life without him. thank you very much for your response. Have a great day, happy mylotting=)
@Rick1950 (1555)
• Lima, Peru
24 Jul 11
I've take distance from some friends because the difference on preferences, e.g. there are some who likes to come late at the appointments, also they like to prolong meetings drinking heavily. Another reason, because the distance among friends, is the difference on politic views. There are many other reasons, altough we have to be tolerant as well. :)
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 13
Hello there Rick! Oh that is very common, when at first we think or we thought we can get along with a group of people, and then we have realized that our likes are quite different after all, this usually is a slow process that you would pull out yourself from tthe group of people and then would just eventually not hang out wit them already. :D But that is wonderful that you have distanced yourself from people with vices, sometimes you just might have been influenced to be drinking heavily yourself. he he