How would you like to be treated when you're old?

Philippines
July 28, 2011 12:06pm CST
My Dad is 74 years old...and in his age, I'm having a bit of a difficulty on how to treat him on a daily basis 'coz there are a couple of times that he is so grumpy, and at times child-like...He has an age-related hearing deficient that whenever I talk calmly to him, he would agitatedly say to me "why can't you speak louder, you know I can hardly hear you!"...and so when at one moment I answered him with a loud voice during one of our discussion, he grumpily said to me "why are you always shouting at me?"... his age-related actions irritates me but I know I have to be patient; he's my father and I'm the only one left here to take care of him, specially his health condition. At most times,I have to be careful and watchful of every words to utter to him coz he might feel disrespected. Often times, I said to my wife too, when I get old I'll try to be different, I wanna be a cool, groovy old man, lol. What about you? How would you like to be treated when you're old?
12 responses
@ellovire (409)
28 Jul 11
Hi smashville! I am really hoping you will treat your dad nicely. Please, please be extra patient with him. I have a very soft spot with the elderly. For me, they are so helpless because of their age. It is not your father's fault why he cannot hear well. It is not his fault why he has all these age-related conditions that irritates you to the bones. Please, please be gentle to him. At 74, we can never tell when he will be gone...if you know what I am saying. The years left for him must be cherished. Otherwise, you will just regret it. Respect and care is what they need given his age. He cannot walk like he used to, so please hold his hand and guide him as he walks. He cannot hear like he used to, so speak a bit louder. He cannot function well as he used to, so please be extra patient to him. Whenever you feel like shouting at him because his actions irritates you, think of this: He is your father. When you were just little, you have no idea how irritating you were but he did not give up on you. When you were a kid, maybe you asked him nonsense questions over and over, but he patiently answered all of them because he wanted you to learn. When you were a kid, maybe you wanted him to put you to sleep and he did that every night despite being so tired after work. When you were little, maybe his money were not enough to buy you the clothes and toys and balloons and candies you want but he strived hard and worked his a-- out so to give you what you want. It's your turn to take care of him, no one else SHALL do it but you.
@ellovire (409)
28 Jul 11
And to answer your question, I wanted to be treated nicely despite my condition. Like you, I also want to be "cool" when I get old. But no one can really tell how we will become when we get old. Maybe your father also wished for that -- he wanted to be cool when he gets old. But turned out he did not (my impression is based on your post). Not his fault, you know.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
You have such nice words Ellovire in terms of treating the elders. Don't worry, my father's actions lately related to his age maybe annoying or irritating to me at times but I can assure you, I have the patient to hold out my emotions and temper and so far, I have never said any bad or negative words that may hurt his feelings (elders are emotionally sensitive you know). I have the utmost respect to my father and he may not be a perfect father to us but I do intend to keep him on my side and take care of him in his remaining life on earth.
@koperty3 (1878)
29 Jul 11
Hello. Few years I work in Nursing home as care assistant so I know what you mean. First you have to have patience. When people are in certain age they became irritated because they feel everything is changing. They got no strength to do some of usual things. This is difficult for them to asking about help. They notice if you have less time for them and you distance your self from them. They feel not needed and lonely. So my friend patience is the first. I would like to be treated with respect. And I would like to feel that I'm still needed. If you have any question regarding your father care or behaviour don't hesitate to ask me. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
Hi Koperty... thank you for your offer, I appreciate it so much. I also understand how you care for the elderly as part of your work, personally it's unfortunate that those elders are left in Nursing Homes taken care of by care assistants instead of the family members themselves. In my country, part of our strong family culture, we take care of our elders till their last breath on earth. My father and I may not meet eye to eye sometimes but I do have my respect for him coz he's my father and he's with me. I do have the patience and I'm gonna continue to care for him till the end.
@inertia4 (25249)
• United States
29 Jul 11
I don't see myself getting that way, but I am sure it will happen anyway. I just wanted to be treated like I am now. Normal. I am going through some thing like that myself with my father. Although, he is mostly a quit man and does not com pain all the time. I do notice that both my mother and my father are always arguing lately. I guess that part of getting older also. Maybe it has something to do it the fact that they can't do what they once were able to do.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I like what you said Inertia..I mean, I also don't WANT to see myself getting old, lol... really, I am almost reaching the age of 40 (and they say life starts at 40) but I still feel and think like I'm still in my mid 20's, hahaha... so probably, when I get old reaching the age of 75 and above, I might still feel and think like I'm still in my mid 50. That would be cool if it really happens but let's wait and see, still have another 30+ years to look forward too hopefully.
@inertia4 (25249)
• United States
29 Jul 11
I hear you. I am now 49 and I still think like I am young. Although, I do not psychically feel the same, I still think the same. I just hope I do not become a bitter old person. I have slowed down some, but I still want to listen to music like I did, loud. And I still like going out to concerts and movies and different places. I guess I will enjoy it all now, because there will a day that I will not be able to do all this. I would probably be content sitting in a chair. But, think young and be young. Remember, age is only a number.
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Jul 11
First of all I want to let you know that I understand where your coming from. My grandmother is the same age as your father and she is at the stage where these things are happening to her also. Things she always used to agree with you on she now all of a sudden says the opposite. She has good days and bad days. She has to wear a hearing aid because she has bad hearing also. You do need to be patient as annoying and hard to deal with as it is. Its tough but I am trying so hard to be patient with my grandma when I am around her. She has lately been saying some hateful things about my husband which is very hard to hear and deal with... When I am old I hope to be sweet and nice like I am now. I want people to treat me the way that I treat them. I hope to be so lucky!
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I hope to be lucky as well too LovingMyB...but I think we both know we can never tell what would we become, think or act when we get old even if we think and plan now that we don't want to be just like our old parents.
@cupkitties (6686)
• United States
28 Jul 11
There is so much hatred of the elderly here in the US that I doubt it will ever happen but I just hope to be treated like a human being. I want to be respected and also not to be told I can or can not do something because I'm "too old".
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Since I have to work also for my own family, I really get to tell my father to really do this and not do that, I can't avoid not doing so specially if it concerns his health. Like with regards to eating proper foods (he still can walk to the dining table and eat on his own)...there are actually foods that is prohibited to eat because he's hypertensive and diabetic as well, however he gets to be so stubborn at times that he would really eat to his heart out because he likes it and want it so bad...
@kiran8 (12841)
• Mangalore, India
29 Jul 11
Hi smashville, i understand how you feel, but it is good that yiou are trying to analyse it.Just imagine yourself losing your physical strength,hearing capacity ( why dont you get him a hearing aid ! )and just about everything, on top of it all every body around you showing their irritation at what is not your fault !We have to be really very very understanding with old people and also remember that what we want to be when we are old is not in our hands....Give him a lot of love and attention because that is what he wants now at this stage ..I have an aunt who is 91 and she is physically very weak now, but her senses are perfect except that she too has some difficulty in hearing.I visit her twice a week and the way her eyes light up when she sees me makes my day
• United States
29 Jul 11
I expect to be treated like a god! People will make sacrifices to me, beg me for favors, but otherwise ignore me unless I bring my wrath down upon them! That can't be too much to ask.
@Shankerj (241)
• India
29 Jul 11
Well, I would like to be independent, would like to live with dignity, when I am old. Ageing has its own problems, you never know how you will be when you are old. There are many health related issues which comes with the age, which may not allow you to be cool always.
29 Jul 11
In my country the elders are not like that but when i'm old i like to be treated good i mean i treat my grandparents really good i don't shout at them or such staff.
29 Jul 11
I saw some old people that is like your father, they are naturally grumpy and sensitive, but as my mama explained to me, that is natural on old folks,they become sensitive and so easily to be irritated...maybe better if you always have a pen and paper with you, so instead of shouting when he can hear you just write what you want to say, that way he would not say that you're shouting at him. as for me when I get older of course I want to be a cool grandma, but we can't also say that we will be.. so just try to understand your dad more.
@zerd87 (301)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Here in the Philippines our elderly is treated with respect. We are family centered culture. Lots of elder were respected and understand. If I get old, I will be treated with respect. In order to do that respect first yourself and your family. It is like and investment with no sure return. But always pray to God that you're family will be God-centered.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Hi. Of course I want to be treated with respect, love and care. Older people are more sensitive and as long as they know that they are loved and cared for they will be happy.