Mental abuse and neglect of a friend

United States
August 5, 2011 1:22am CST
My husband and I have a friend we are concerned about. He is 36, lives with his dad and is disabled. His dad makes him pay all the bills while he goes out drinking and leaves our friend alone in the house. The dad claims that our friend has a low IQ and if this is the case, he shouldn't be left alone. The dad also pulls the phone out of the wall whenever he feels like it if our friend is talking to my husband will tell him that he doesn't want them to be friends. The reason why is because we have tried to get him away from his dad's abusive clutches before. Today, his dad stepped over the line. He was using CPAP and his dad turned it off while he was sleeping and said he was wasting electricity. The police have been there before but they won't do anything because it is just his word against his dads and Adult Protective services say they need proof...what to do- we are worried about him?
4 people like this
7 responses
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
If you're really his friend then you should think of a way to help him. Call the police or something to prevent unnecessary incidents from happening.
6 Aug 11
Why not report the case to the Social Services Department or much better to a TV network whose program caters to social services so that his case will have a media coverage that would stir an issue not only in your community but all throughout the nation.
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
Yep, that would be a good idea too.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
13 Sep 11
Hi, lindaharding627. This is so very sad here. Maybe your friend should speak up to the police about what his father is doing to him. He has to, this may be the only way that his dad can be indicted for the crime that he is committing. It seems like he is just trying to kill his own son. He does not want your husband and his son to be friends, because he knows that the more your husband becomes closer to his son, he will tell him what is really going on.(Which he is already doing anyhow to your husband). His father is also a loner, he does not want to be alone either. This is abuse and the law should get involved. That is how some people who is abusing someone is. They will try to keep the person hidden from the public in fear of what may happen if this person gets out into the spotlight. I hope that something can be done about this. I know that I would not just sit silent. I will tell someone about this until they have enough of sense to go to his dad's house just to investigate what is really going on. I hope that the police will lock his father up, because it is very obvious that his father is indeed an abuser. It is very sad that he is doing his son this way though.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
6 Sep 11
Hi Linda, I just wrote about a similar situation that involves a child. I would say call the police each and every time there is an incident and that way they are building a record and it kind of tells a story in and of itself. After a while, the smaller incidents can't be chalked up to a bad day or talked away so easily.
• United States
17 Aug 11
I am sorry to hear of your friend being abused this way and I hope his father understands someday that he will not be such a happy person in life. We can't treat innocent people this way and lead a wonderful life. The only thing I can suggest is that one day when the father is out on his drinking binges that your friend get away somehow and call for help. Maybe if protective services comes to the house on the day the father comes home drunk they will have the proof they need. Wishing your friend all the blessings in the world as this is just terrible what his father is doing.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
5 Aug 11
How about recording everything that happens? Like installing hidden camera that will record everything and then submit it to the authorities as proof. That is the only way I know to save your friend from this mentally ill father. have a good day jaiho®
• United States
5 Aug 11
How about you get him a video camera and tell him to put it up where his dad usually abuses him. Or set it out one night he thinks his dad might turn off the machine. That's one way.to get proof.
@GardenGerty (104225)
• United States
5 Aug 11
Adult protective services is the way to go, unfortunately. Most states also have a hotline that can be called for state intervention if the local agency does not seem to be investigating. If a person has a low IQ it does not necessarily mean they cannot be left alone, if they do not do things that are an endangerment for them. Your friend, and all disabled people have the same civil rights as we do, but he must exert them for himself. If you know when the dad is going out drinking, perhaps a visit is in order at that time to see what kind of help he wants. If he does not want away from his dad, you cannot force him. On the other hand, is there some kind of an agency that provides supported living in your area? He can request a case manager, and designate someone else as payee if he gets disability or SSI. I guess the point is that you cannot rescue him if he does not want to be rescued.