Is your family supportive or do you feel they wnt you to fail?

Australia
August 27, 2011 8:39pm CST
I don't know if it's just me or not? But I can't help feeling as though my family are almost expecting me to fail and doing things to make this happen without either realising or caring, that's still under debate. I have been really struggling to save for a bond, it seems as soon as there is any money put aside after my rent, bills and expenses are paid i try to save so it can mount up to a lump sum. It feels as though my balance is always shrinking and no matter how much i try to save the money my family is guilting me into thinking i have to spend it when i need the money to get my own house. The rent and bill money i am paying make this almost impossible and i have helped out the same family members when they had no money and needed my help. I just don't think it's fair and wonder how many of us can actually depend on their family to be supportive? Is it just me or is this just a dream we have in our heads and want in real life?
2 people like this
9 responses
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
28 Aug 11
the only member in my family who is like that is my father. we never been close. he always say that we cant be like this or we can never be like that. but i have full trust in my self that one day all i wanted to have will be mine. i started by having a wonderful wife, now a wonderful son... a good family. i am a great father ( not like him ) and i know i am on the right track. with his words against me it made me more inspired to prove him wrong. in your case it is all up to you. do you have to save or do you have to spend. do you have to continue helping or do you have to set a boarder line on how to help. dreams do come true but we need to be more focus and to love that dream for it to come true. good luck
1 person likes this
• Australia
28 Aug 11
I have faith in you too, and it sounds like you are in a great place in your life! I think that family should want to see you succeed, it just sucks how life's not fair sometimes... It sometimes feels as though everything goes wrong at the same time and there is no one to turn to... but there are many people really if i looked harder or wanted to see? At the crossroads of my life right now and not sure which way i am suppossed to go.
• Philippines
28 Aug 11
i too had a crisis like that before, i dont know where will i go and i dont know what is good for me. i want to get married but my mother wanted me to marry someone she like... true that sometimes life is not fair but we all have the gift to decide... its not easy to decide but we all have that gift. to decide for ourselves. to analyze what are the pros and the cons. i will pray for you that the clouds you feel right now will let the sunshine get through. goodluck again and thanks for having faith in me. it made me prove more than i am on the right track.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
28 Aug 11
Hi there Don't, You have to learn to stand up to your family and say NO. You have stay focused on your goal and don't let them talk you into spending money that would be better spent on saving. What types of things to they guilt you into spending your money on?
1 person likes this
• Australia
28 Aug 11
Yes i know thank you for your advice. I do try to say no alot more than i actually do it. that's why i said guilted into spending money because i know the item they want me to buy are not necessities and we can go without them. It's hard when you are the only person in your family with the drive to save for something more and not just waste money on day to day expenses that you could live without.
@stanley777 (7176)
• Philippines
28 Aug 11
I think almost all family especially the parents is supportive with their children.If in case we failed they are always there to help us, all we do is asks.But in your case I guess it's different,maybe they are thinking that instead of paying your rent and the bills they want you to spend it as a down payment to have your own house.So instead of paying for rent you can pay for the house that soon will be your own.Since you said too that you are saving for a bond maybe you have a different approach.Just a thought.
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
The family is the primary source of strength when ever crisis is making life difficult. I think God must have blessed me for I have a family that supports me in times of troubles and who help me cope with crisis. My parents are not rich but they're able to save for the children's future. Now, all siblings are very grateful to them as we have homes as the fruit of their love and labor. We're loving them in return and take care of them in return for what they have done for us. I think you are only thinking the wrong way. Parents love their children and they won't be happy to see anyone of them as failure. Try to reassess your thoughts and maybe soon you'll see the light and the real picture why they act like that!
@rose1717 (190)
• United States
2 Sep 11
I think that you really need to start telling your family no when they ask you for money. It is ok to tell them no. You need to come first, your bills need to come first, and your money to save for a house comes first. They might get mad, but if they care then they would get over it.
@tessa9 (1086)
• Philippines
29 Aug 11
My dad expects and wants me to fail . He always says that my husband in the future will divorce me because I'm too lazy. Whenever I get booked for modeling stuff he always say that it is not a real job. Aside form going to go sees I also go to school and on my last year of college and he wants me to stop going to school and just find a 'real' job. Like duh, I'm going to school to find a 'real' job afterwards. I just think that we have to fend for ourselves and not expect help from others. I know it's a little unfair because it's family and you expect them to help out or at least not put you down and not be a bother but people are just like that. Save at least 20% of you salary for your dream house, then pay your bills and buy some food with the rest. If there's still money left then save it for emergency. Don't lend and spend money for your family yet unless it is really needed. Your family should understand that you need to put yourself first and if they don;t then that's no longer your problem.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
28 Aug 11
Thats very unfair that your family is like that. Im going through the same stuff right now, not to quite that extent, but I have enough money for bills and food but as for fun money that I can use for anything else it just isnt quite there. Living on your own is hard, and you said you had an autistic son? I couldnt imagine. See in my situation, my brother was the over achiever. He was valedictorian and is an electrical engineer that makes rediculous money. I didnt finish college becuase of health issues and I dont really work in quite the same paying rate as he does. But where he lacks I gain. Hes so book smart, but so life dumb. I pride myself that IM way more street smarts then he is haha, but I mean, any family expects more from you, but in your case they shouldnt be making you feel bad about it, thats no fair to you, if its really that huge of a concern to them they will do something bout it themselves, until then they can back right off lol
@megamatt (14333)
• United States
28 Aug 11
I like to think that my family is mostly supportive. At least that is really something that I can really see to say the very least. Rather there are just a lot of times where my family really gets behind me and its full steam ahead for getting done, what I need to get done. I really feel like I am blessed with my family members and how they are going to assist me time and time again. Granted, I could be completely mistaken. I know for a fact that I most certainly have bee more mistaken before. And there are many times where I can in fact be more than mistaken ever again. Still when it comes to matters of family, I feel that more often than not, I feel as if I am doing rather good and they are supportive. I would like to think that they would never want me to fail but you never really know.
@celticeagle (114385)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Aug 11
I seriously doubt that any family wants members of it to do badly. They need to be made to realize that you have goals. It isn't fair and I would not be around them much if they are going to make you feel guilty. You need to do what you need to do and if they can't understand that then stay away from them and tell them why!