What should I do? (chronic depression & life decisions)

United States
August 28, 2011 4:09pm CST
Hi people, I know I've written about my depression before. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed most of the time. I don't want to get out of bed anymore; I want to keep sleeping and that's what I do embarrassingly. And so I will sleep until my brain starts to feel really weird or I have some strange dream. Only then to I finally make myself get up. I don't feel like doing anything. I never go to church not that I ever would be up in time anyhow. Like today I got up at 11am and I finished this poem about this stuck up girl I saw last night. My son and I are very unhappy living in this little town we mistakenly moved to over 9 months ago. We tried to relocate and ended up coming back here to the same apartment in July. We moved away from home (where I lived for 31 years/where my son was born) in Jan, 2008. We lived in KY for 3 years and then we made the big mistake of coming to a town that has hardly any bus system (it quits a little after 5 and it doesn't run on weekends). We walk most every place we go to. We both been bored, lonely, depressed and just miserable. My son wants to go back to IL or close to Missouri. I feel like I never got to move to a city I think I'd be happy in so I want to move to a small city nearby a bigger city in NC (they have this really great bus system that goes to the bigger cities and the smaller cities around there). I know if I go back to the small city in IL I will be more depressed then ever but I'm worried about my son's loneliness; he's shy and can't make friends easily. But I think I could really be happy in NC; I think we could both make friends give it some time. My son is talented at billiards. My son is willing to go to NC; he just thinks he can't make friends and he says he misses his home (IL). Should I do what my son wants or should I do what I know would make myself most happy? I think I should also note that I'm the one with most the low income.
2 people like this
2 responses
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
29 Aug 11
thedataminer, When you congregate and lump everything together, emotional blockages are bound to occur. It is precisely thoughts like these that breed depression and stagnation in people's course of direction. Why would you have to consider your past as a factor into your present and future? If you probe deeper, would that necessarily means you are more 'sentimental' as people might claim? No. But surely, I can tell you are more easily vulnerable to depression attack. There are too much consideration for the mundane. Each individual carries a tag of 'lesson(s)' with them. You accept them into your life, you receive the lesson(s) in return. After the exchange, they are gone. You are now questioning their existence, if there is anything more than just the 'lesson(s)' they bring forth. I say hardly. You pick a route. You walk. If you have to constantly remind yourself why you walk this direction and thought about the 'what if' in another separate direction - you are just making your life miserable.
ladym33
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
29 Aug 11
If you think moving to NC will make you happy then perhaps that is what you should do. I think you will also be less depressed if you sleep less. The more you sleep the less exercise your body gets which only makes things worse. I have felt amazing since I started working out back in March. It is depressing to not be able to get around and go places, so I think moving somewhere where you are better able to do that would be a wise move weather it be in IL or NC. If you have friends and family in Illinois perhaps you and your son would be happier being closer to people you know.
thedataminer
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
29 Aug 11
Well as for me I don't want to go back to IL or even cities closer to IL. I even get stressed out when I think of going back to visit my family for certain reason I'd better not get into over the internet. I would have already gone to visit my family in IL but when I think of it I get very anxious (anxiety ridden). Yeah I know that to sleep to much is not good. And after my great disappointment of my failed relocation attempt and having to come back here I been sleeping more and more. I do allot of dreaming when I sleep plus I have to get up to go to the bathroom pretty frequently. I walk allot everyday as it is a necessity, however, I do love to walk. My veins in my legs are starting to bother me.